Adeste Fideles
by Legend Maker
Summary: Another Titans Christmas fanfic, Legend Maker gives to thee...a whole lot of humor! And a fair bit of madness! And the last villain you'd ever expect! It's STILL too long! FAH LAH LAH LAH LAH...eh you know the rest.
1. Adeste Fideles: Part 1

**_Adeste Fideles_**

Writer's Note: Written with the aid of the incomparable Jedi-And, Bobcat, and Prisionero: without them, this story would not have been possible…

It also probably would have been a lot shorter. I'm sorry. Originally this was going to be all in one part. I have instead broken it down until 12. The whole thing is written, so expect rapid updates. Let's begin.

* * *

Christmas music played, as snow fell down upon Jump City, the flakes swirling through the air…

And falling past Gauntlet, who was holding up the Weather Wizard wand and peering to the side, where a cross-looking Noel was standing.

"Now…what did I say about disrupting natural weather patterns for the sake of an opening?" Noel asked.

"Um well…I think it went…" Gauntlet said, and then twitched the wand. A lightning bolt suddenly zapped down and struck Noel.

"YOW!"

"Whoowhoowhoopwhoopwhoop!" Gauntlet cackled like Dr. Zoidberg as he ran away, a soot-covered Noel giving chase as the credits appeared over them.

**ADESTE FIDELES**

**_Another Titans Christmas Carol_**

* * *

_Twas three weeks before Christmas, yeah that's not how it goes,_

_But in today's shopping days, we have to stay on our toes…_

In a corner of Jump City, away from Gauntlet's madness, somewhere deep in the aftermath circles of hell, or as most call it, the shopping mall…

While not at the level of a mad rush yet, the stores were still packed. We pan through the crowd…and come to a pair standing in a booth and selling ice cream, as it was Florida and hence ninety degrees.

"Christmas ice cream!"

"Sold only time this year!"

"Please ignore that its just vanilla with dabs of red and green food coloring!"

WHACK!

"Ow! What, that's what it is!"

"We don't need it to be pointed out! And will you stop eating our own product!"

"What? I'm creating scarcity: drives the prices up!"

"Uhhhhhhgh…"

These two are unlikely candidates for the spirits of Christmas, but then again I believe that their roles were more as facilitators than anything else. Let us approach the two, as they try and sell their ice cream, or rather, while one eats the ice cream while the other makes this up as we go along, yes that's right, it's the narrators of this little fic: A short elf like woman who wore all pink, from a pink witch hat, to matching robes to pink gloves and a scarf. You'd think this is strange clothing considering the situation, but you're not the one in the mall with the malfunctioning air conditioning that makes certain areas feel like Siberian prison camps. Her tall male companion wore a white collarless suit with a black matching shirt, black smart trousers, thick gloves and a huge black and red large collared cloak, which had been holding the ice cream cone as the wearer finished it, as which point it reached out to another cart and promptly stole a hotdog for its master. He began to gnaw on it, as the elf noticed the audience.

"Hello! Welcome to this year's Christmas story." The elf said.

"Heya." Said the man.

"I am here to lead you through the events." The elf said.

"And I am here for the food." The man added, and continued eating the hot dog.

"My name is Charles Dickens!" The short woman announced herself, taking off her pink witch hat and offering a small bow.

"And my name is Jedi-and...Wait, wait, wait... You're not Charles Dickens." Her tall partner said, interrupted in the middle of his salute as he looked at his partner.

"What, of course I am!" She retorted.

"A short, female elf, pink hat wearing Charles Dickens?" Jedi-and said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes!"

"Last time I checked, Charles Dickens was a 19th century novelist. A GENIUS."

"Oh you're too kind." The elf grumped. "I'll prove it! What's the title of the story?" She said as stood up on a bench to try and get more of an eyeline with her large friend, and still not managing it.

"Adestes Fidles!"

Silence.

"Andddddd…What is Adestes Fidles?" 'Charlie' asked, as if she'd just asked a stupid question.

"The title of this story! Since you can't seem to get by that, allow me to take over the narration. The Dashing Jedi-and said as he faced the readers. "'The Marleys' were dead, to begin with...'"

A heavy wood log came down upon the white suited man.

"Wrong Christmas Carol." The elf said. The man looked annoyed, as his cloak grabbed the log and hurled it off screen, with the sound of a crash and a female "OW!"

"Alright, alright... Ahem... The Lord of the Night was dead to begin with." He started again.

"What does he have to do with anything?"

"Just setting the time of the piece. Don't want people to think that things are weird because they thought they were in another part of the timeline. Besides, now it seems kinda creepy and mysterious." The fledgling author said as he tried to justify his second attempt at an opening line, but unfortunately it was as weak of an excuse as you could expect. Could the Lord actually die? Did any comic villain ever actually die? Who knows? In all fairness did anyone care at this time of year? It was a time for celebrating. He'd only get a lump of coal anyway!

"I already did creepy and mysterious with Nutcracker Suite." The elf said.

"Then how are you Charles Dickens? The Nutcracker Suite was written by E.T.A Hoffmann!" Jedi-And retorted, catching her in a small lie. The elf got flustered, pointing every which way to try and explain herself, though the only thing it managed to accomplish was it gave the cloak wearing man a headache.

"All right, fine! I'll be Charlie, YOU be Dickens! And Hoffmann wrote The Nutcracker and the Mouse King, it was changed to the Nutcracker Suite when the story was set to music by Tchaikovsky!"

"Alright, alright, where was I?"

Unfortunately, but to the dear delight of our readers, at this point the Titans showed up. Well, almost all the Titans. There was one missing: Noel Collins, Savior, the white Titan, the man who was second only to the Batman for being a manipulative, boorish, contingency planning bastard.

And I meant all of that in the nicest way possible.

"I still want to know where that came from." Beast Boy said, helping Terra, who was holding a bloody cloth to her face to try and stop the bleeding from the nose.

"I wish I knew, Friend Gar." Starfire said as she followed him, the rest of the Teen Titans following her. The Titans, of course, being the protectors of this fair city, the ones who stood up against all the odds, against all the nut cases and fruit and nut bars…

"Enough metaphors linking insanity with food, get on with it!" Charlie snapped.

Yes, yes, the bad guys that came to Jump City to try and take over/destroy/own and destroy and/or loot it. They had stood up against psycho Australians, masochistic Blacktrinians, self-centered humans, super mercenaries, Lords, ladies, monsters, gods and more.

And yet they still had no idea how Terra had been beaned with a heavy wooden log that had come out of thin air.

"Oh great, we've missed the intro of the main characters." Dickens complained, almost ripping out his hair at the realization that he was late for something.

"Let me handle this then. And let's get out of here before you injure the characters any more." Charlie said, dragging Dickens off the screen. "This year the Titans had decided to do their shopping early..."

And with that we followed the Titans, leaving Charlie and Dickens behind, as they prepared for their grave mission. After the utter fiasco that was last year, the Titans had decided to actually do some planning and get their shopping done while it was merely like a race and not a feeding frenzy akin to sharks reacting to fresh chum dumped in the water.

Though they still had a few problems, and of course they all stood out like a sore thumb on a porcelain hand. After Terra's nose had the unfortunate meeting with the tossed log, Starfire was now out in front, leading her squad to what was hopefully to be the last mission of the year, followed by Robin, who had presents and bags in one huge bag tied to the end of his bo as if he was running away from home. Beast Boy and Terra brought up the rear, as Terra continued to dab at her nose.

"Ah yes, this earlier period, random assaults by wood aside, is so much more imperturbable." Starfire said. "And once we are done shopping, I will have more time to look for Santa!"

The Titans with Starfire looked at each other, with expressions that said "Oh great, this again".

"Um…where else do you have to look, Star?" Terra asked.

"Oh, I have been studying holiday legends since October! I have many new places!" Starfire said, her eyes sparkling.

"Oh great, you just encouraged her!" Robin hissed to his companions through his teeth, as Starfire floated on ahead.

"Dude, you've been dating her for years! If anyone should have told her the truth by now, you should have!" Beast Boy replied.

"Can we not argue? That nice toy store manager might put the toys he set aside for us back on the shelves if we're not prompt, and heavens know we shouldn't let Robin's bribes go unjustified." Starfire said.

"I'm telling you guys, I did not bribe anyone, there was a computer error in the records…"

* * *

While Starfire's end of the mall was peaceful, the other end was anything but. Last year, a game had been the hotly desired toy. This year it was a system, the Gamestation 470…

**Great parody name there Charlie. Spend all night thinking that up?**

_Quiet you!_

…which was the hotly desired item. And as usual, a store had gotten some in when the Titans had come to do their shopping and had badly underestimated how much people wanted one, as a fighting group lost control of the box as it hit the floor and slid across it…

And came to rest at some clawed feet.

Nigel picked up the box from the floor, just like it had happened with Noel last year, and just like Noel he managed a few seconds to study it, though unlike Noel he could hear the heavy footed father.

So he simply ducked when the man, who happened to be the same one as last year, took a swing at him. The man's momentum spun him around, allowing Nigel, who was still trying to read the box, to snap out a hand and push him via his back, forcing him up against the wall. All the squabbling parents slowly slipped into silence as Nigel effortlessly held the large, struggling man against the wall like he was a child, all while looking like he couldn't care less.

"Hey Sophie? Read this please, I can't read it." He held the box out to her, his other hand poking into the brash father's back to make sure he didn't move, and with his original hand still on the product, the other parents still didn't try to take it from him.

"The optician told you to wear your reading glasses more often…" Sophie said, and to add to the words she wagged her finger at the young alien, whose shoulders slumped a little.

"Ophthalmologists are not high on my respect list." He spoke plainly, almost in a flat tone. "Is that what he wanted?" The young mortician leaned in a little more, taking a closer look to make sure.

"…No, I think Gar got him one of these already. Ordered it back in July, on Savior's advice. He's looking for computer parts and software." Sophie said as she pulled back, brushing down her jacket with her gloved hand.

"Ah nuts. Oh well, guess we have to keep looking. Shop keep! We need some directions!" He shouted over to the counter, in the hopes of scaring up some service who wasn't hiding from the mob. "Now about this..." He commented, and for a small amount of time he let go of the man he was holding, to spin the box around in his hands.

"Seeing how we're not sure who claimed this...we need a way to decide who gets it, peacefully…" Sophie said to the crowd, as Nigel looked at her.

Unfortunately, this left him open for the father he had been holding to try and make another grab for it. Unlike Savior, Scalpel didn't have the reputation of being a hard-ass who would stomp you into dust if you looked at him wrong, though one wouldn't say Nigel was respected: even those who knew him best thought he looked just a bit like a monster, and hence it was more fear then respect that gave him such a position in the social standing order. And not enough fear for some, as the man was actually thinking of trying to grab the box again.

Bad choice. Savior would chew him out verbally. Scalpel wouldn't.

Nigel managed to push him off it again with his shoulder, though the man shot forward again with a fist, which hit Nigel in the face, square on Nigel's larger than average, strong aquiline nose.  
Which gave off two cracks, one was the nose, and the other was the man's hand. Serves him for trying to punch out a Blacktrinian really.

The man recoiled, yelling and holding his hand, while Nigel stood there, completely no-selling the punch.

"And sir, if your child so desperately wants this piece of electronics that you'll go to such lengths to get it, I really suggest you shut off his games and TELL HIM TO GO OUTSIDE." Nigel said, and then turned to Sophie and pointed to his nose. She tutted lightly and took it in one hand, and with a quick gesture snapped it back so it was in the correct alignment. She then stood up on tiptoes and gave him a peck on it to 'kiss it better'. The two offered a smile and turned back to the man, who was looking at the two with some fear.

"Ok…" Nigel said. "How would you settle this Sophie?"

People began yelling suggestions and demands.

"SHUT UP!" Nigel bellowed, and the crowd went quiet.

"Um…a lottery of some kind?" Sophie suggested.

"…Fine. Ok people! I am thinking of a number between 1 and 200! Whoever yells it out, gets it! I have good ears, so no cheating! And if anyone even looks like they're going to start fighting over it again I'll drop it on the ground and crush it underfoot! Go!"

People began yelling numbers, as Nigel tried to listen for his picked number (which was 121).

And then the whole thing was taken out of his hands, quite literally.

"HEY FREAK!" A nasty voice yelled over the din of the parents, and Nigel, quite expectedly, turned to see the source of the yell.

Just in time to catch a powerful stream of liquid in his face, the fluid spraying in his eyes and having the immediate effect of making them start to burn, his sight blurring away as Nigel stumbled back and yelled, grabbing at his face.

As the figure dashed past him, a lean form dressed completely in black, a modified motorcycle helmet over his face, mirrored visor down to hide his identity, a pair of high-tech rollerblades on his feet that made him go so fast it was amazing he didn't crash into anything, as the rollerblader zipped past the injured Nigel and grabbed the box with the Gamestation 470 out of his claws, and though Nigel didn't just need his eyes to fight his attempted lunge to counter-attack completely missed as the thief zipped past Nigel, dashing off, as Nigel tried to blink the chemical, a nastier form of mace, out of his eyes as he whirled, reaching for his glaive…

And the rollerblader screeched to a stop as he turned around, grabbing for something at his belt and hurling it into the crowd of parents. It exploded into a thick, white fog, and the parents immediately began to cough and convulse, including Sophie. It was some kind of tear gas, an extremely unpleasant kind, and the sight of Sophie retching as her eyes and nose watered completely distracted Nigel from his task, and as he turned to help her the thief, having slipped the game system into a backpack, whirled around and took off.

Raven, a few stores away while she looked at jewelry for Starfire's gift, felt rather then heard the cries and screams, as the sudden influx of pain and discomfort slapped against her empathic mind and nearly made her drop the necklace she was looking at as she pressed her hand to her head

"Miss, are you all right?" The clerk asked, surprised.

"Uhhhhhhh…what was…" Raven said, and then her communicator activated.

"Raven! It's Scalpel! There's some guy, he grabbed something I had…he just tossed a gas grenade into a crowd of people in order to get away! You'd better find him before he runs into more people: I don't want to know what will happen if he crosses paths with a crowd that could slow him down!"

"What? Damn. Which way did he go?"

"Uh…somewhere else!" Scalpel said, as he looked around…even as Cyborg ran up to him, having heard the noise himself. Scalpel looked at the black teenager, starting to explain again.

"I heard! He went that way! HEY GAUNTLET!" Cyborg yelled up to the upper levels, as the artifact-possessing teen looked down. "Bad guy on rollerblades! Go!"

"Here I come to save the day!" Gauntlet declared, as he leapt off the second floor, swinging down via his yellow energy construct and giving chase, while Cyborg tried to help the people and Raven tried to locate the thief.

Said thief was currently blazing through the mall on his rollerblades, not caring who he ran into or knocked over, yelling and tossing off insults to anyone who got in his way. Gauntlet spied him, but the rollerblader could put more distance between them then Gauntlet could close, mostly because Gauntlet was careful not to swing into people.

Nearby, Robin's group walked on. At least until Robin's communicator went off.

"Hey Leader Boy!" It crackled, as Robin blinked and set down his staff as everyone with him looked at him. "We got us a nasty robber on rollerblades, heading your way! Aggressive little bastard, be careful!"

"Robber on rollerblades?" Robin repeated.

And then said thief blitzed past the Titans.

"Hey, there's a guy on rollerblades!" Terra said.

"No stuffing Sherlock!" Robin replied as he snapped out a Birdarang and sent it flying after the thief. But the thief dodged it like he had eyes on the back of his head, and Robin growled as he pulled his bo staff free from the bundle. "TITANS, GO!"

Starfire took to the air, as Beast Boy became a cheetah and gave chase, as Terra started to call rocks to her…and realized she was right in the middle of a crowded shopping mall. She couldn't use her talent without wrecking the place.

"Um…I'll just wait here and watch the stuff!" Terra called after them. Robin gave her a thumbs up as he sprinted after the thief, but his rollerblades moved him far faster then Robin could run.

The reason Terra couldn't join in the chase was the same reason Starfire couldn't use Starbolts, but she could still fly, and she, unlike Robin, was catching up to the thief…

At least until he whirled and hurled something at her. A second later there was a gigantic explosion of sound accompanied by a mammoth, blinding surge of light, which Robin's mask filters barely lessened as he stopped, blinded. _A flashbang grenade? Where the hell did he get that?_

Starfire was down, temporarily sightless and deafened by the blast, but Beast Boy was still coming, following his nose, as he lunged at the thief…

And got a spray of mace right in the face, causing him to pull up and fall to the ground, whimpering as he clutched at his features.

"Punks." The thief sneered. Robin grit his teeth in anger…

And then Gauntlet swung in from behind him.

"Heya boss!" Gauntlet tossed over his shoulder as he swung on and leapt at the robber…who had seen Gauntlet coming and was reaching for his belt.

"No wait Gauntlet he's got…!" Robin tried to yell.

Another flashbang, which went off in Gauntlet's face, and since he hadn't had time to form any kind of shades or ear protection, Gauntlet hit the ground next to his two companions.

"Later, losers!" The robber taunted, as he spun and took off again. Robin, furious, gave chase, as the robber leapt up and grinded down an escalator, heading for a nearby door.

Until Robin leapt, shot out his grappling hook, and ran up a wall and leapt, doing a long twirl around the room so he landed between the doors and the thief, making him stop short.

"End of the line." Robin said, snapping out his staff.

The thief sneered at him again.

"Oh yeah?"

The thief dodged Robin's leaping lunge, rolling backwards on his rollerblades, even as he grabbed two more objects from his belt, and much to Robin's horror, hurled them into nearby crowds of people. They exploded, enveloping the people in choking, noxious gas.

"Go save them, bitch. It's what you do." The thief taunted, and hurled one last gas grenade. Robin snarled, but he went after it, leaping up and knocking it away with his staff, sending it flying into a fountain where it exploded harmlessly underwater, and by that time the thief had skated around him and was skating backwards, heading for the doors, and then Raven was appearing near him from a shadow warp but he couldn't send her after him she had to help the people and the robber was giving him the finger as he skated out.

"I win this race, bitch!" He yelled, and turned around.

And skated right into the outstretched arm of Savior, hitting it so hard he flew off his feet and did a complete 270 onto his face, violently crashing into the ground.

"It's not how fast you go in the race, asshole." Savior growled. "It's if you cross the finish line."

And as the robber was getting up, Savior stomped on his head.

* * *

"Everyone all right?" Cyborg asked several minutes later.

"A lot of irritated eyes and some upset stomachs, but besides that, nothing." Raven said, as she finished fixing up Starfire in case her eyes were damaged.

"Who was he?" Beast Boy asked.

"No idea." Robin said, looking down on the face of the man, or boy rather, about seventeen years old, which had been under the motorcycle helmet. "Just some punk who wanted to take instead of give."

"Some punk who was quite willing to hurt innocent people to get away. Not to mention some punk who happens to have mechanized rollerblades, tear gas and flashbang grenades, a mace 'water gun' and a computerized motorcycle helmet." Savior said, bitterness in his tone. "This gear must cost thousands, this system, a few hundred a most. What a season. Merry Christmas."

"Oh come on now Savior, don't get like this again…" Terra began.

"Get like? Terra, this is who I am." Savior said, as he spun on his heel. "You guys can handle the rest. I'll be in the car."

The Titans watched Savior go for a moment, as the white teen passed by Scalpel, who was helping Sophie a bit as he walked to join the Titans.

"The punk who gassed your girl is over there." Savior tossed over his shoulder to the alien.

Anyone who saw Nigel's face then would get a whole new meaning to the words 'holiday cheer'.

* * *

"In other local news, a man was found at the top of the giant Christmas tree in Jump City Square, tried up in fairy lights with signs on him saying 'Do not open till X-Mas' and 'Don't take out for Christmas shopping'." The newswoman said on the TV. "The man, who earlier that day attempted to rob Jump City's main mall, claimed that the Titan Scalpel had put him up there, however when questioned, Scalpel just shrugged and said he was busy with shopping and left." 


	2. Part 2

Part 2

* * *

"I agree, this is fairly advanced technology, not something you can just walk into a store and buy." Oracle said, looking at the readouts Robin had sent her. "You want me to do a search?"

"Not yet. There are a couple of the usual suspects around here we can investigate around here first. Just doing this in advance, before the season gets hectic. Cyborg and Savior are looking into it too. If there's some guy handing out high tech robbery aids, I'd prefer to find him sooner rather then later, when people get desperate."

"Understood. Will you be dropping by Gotham this year Tim?"

"…That's…up in the air Barbara."

"All right, just asking. Merry Christmas, Tim."

"Merry Christmas Babs." Robin said, and sighed off, briefly adding notes to a few files. _All right, we have virtually all the shopping done, the rest on order, the kitchen stocked…still need to get a tree and get ready for the Titans East coming to visit this year…_

"Hey Robin, check it out!" Cyborg said as he popped up next to the Teen Wonder. Robin glanced at him.

"Yes?"

"Behold! The 'Tinsel-Zooka!" Cyborg said, holding up a large bulky weapon. "It'll get the tree all glittery with a minimum of effort!"

Robin blinked.

"Uh…Vic…how many bugs are there to work out of it?"

"Robin!"

"How many Vic?"

"Uh…a number."

"What kind of a number?"

Cyborg stared, and then muttered something under his breath. Robin's eyes widened.

"Victor!"

"Oh come on man!"

"That is not a small number! That is a big number! Go back and reduce it, or I won't let you anywhere near the main recreation area, much less the tree!"

"Fine, fine…" Cyborg said, as he turned and left. "I don't know why I even bothered building that Star Placer…it only dented the steel floor twice…"

* * *

December 5th 

The room was rather dreary and dark, both from the décor and the fact that all the lights were out. Two figures slept in the large bed, the male on his back and the female curled on her side towards him.

And two people stood by the bed.

"While Christmas was still some time away, the somber mood that usually afflicted Noel Collins at this time of the year was already on him." 'Charlie said', standing by the bed with Dickens. "While Noel made his best efforts to keep his feelings down, the fact remained that unlike last year, he did not have a young girl in a wheelchair or a crime boss poker game to screw over and make him feel better…will you quit staring!"

"I'm not staring! I'm watching them to make sure they don't wake up and find us here. That could be very awkward." 'Dickens' said.

"Dickens, they won't wake up."

"Why not?"

"We're the authors! Authors are omnipotent! They'll only wake up if we, or I, want them to wake up!"

"Really?"

"Yes! Watch!" Charlie yelled as she hopped on the bed, reached down, and yanked Raven up.

"WAKE UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!"

Raven remained asleep.

Charlie produced an alarm clock from somewhere, wound it up, and pressed it against Raven's ear as it rang. Raven remained asleep.

Charlie produced a rooster. It 'cock-a-doodle-dooed' right in Raven's face. Her expression remained serene.

Charlie jumped off the bed, walked off screen, and came back as a one-woman brass band, marching around the bed while banging on all the instruments. Neither side stirred.

Charlie shucked the instruments, and just to utterly drive the point home, jumped up on the bed and bounced around on it several times before landing back down next to Dickens.

"…I've heard of heavy sleepers, but this is ridiculous." Dickens commented.

"Yes yes, now that I'm done recycling an old joke, once removed…The methods used by Savior last year could not be repeated: Savior had already checked in on Annie and found her to be fine, and it appeared that crime this year would be far smaller and more brutish, which did nothing for Noel's mood. It would yet to be seen if anything would save this year for him…" Charlie said, and then grabbed Dickens and pulled him into the shadows.

Raven arose from her bed, yawning lightly. She slipped out from under the covers, dressed in a long nightgown, and headed for her washroom. When she emerged again, she found Noel still asleep.

"Morning." Raven said, giving her love a brief shove. Savior's eyes blinked open.

"Already?" Savior replied, not sounding too enthusiastic. "What's on the itinerary for today?"

"Nothing set, though Tim probably wants to talk to us about Titans East. Oh yeah, and cheer up you big Scrooge. I'm supposed to be the dour one on this team."

"Yeah, but you're also the one who picks up the good vibes of the season from others while being able to screen out the bad ones. Me…not so much." Savior said.

"Yes yes, we've been through this before. Just cheer up Noel. It's not fun to spend the season with someone who just wants to pick it apart."

"You're right as usual…" Noel said, as he stepped out of bed, dressed in a pair of pants. "Though I think Tim and I will do some investigating in regards to that thief's gear…"

A giant racket and a cry for help outside the door made both Noel and Raven jump, and then Noel hopped up and broke for the door, opening it as Starfire flew by. A second later, Robin followed in her wake.

"What's the situation? We under attack?" Savior asked.

"No no…nothing going on here Noel…" Robin said, looking a bit sheepish.

"IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE!" Gauntlet yelled as he ran past the door. A second later Starfire flew past again.

"Ok, what happened?" Raven asked.

"Well…I told Starfire that she shouldn't shake her gifts…apparently she misheard me and interpreted it as shaking gifts as a terrible faux paus…and she walked in on Rob shaking his gifts. Before her morning coffee."

"THERE IS NO NEED FOR A TAMARANIAN…LIVING BY EBONY FENCE!" Gauntlet yelled as he ran by again.

"_Libercai ebunaifrensh!"_ Starfire yelled as she went by again as well.

"Like I said, just a misunderstanding…" Robin said.

"I have you now, friend Rob!"

Robin looked worried and ran off after the pair, while Raven just good naturedly rolled her eyes and smiled at how bad an idea it was to introduce Starfire to caffeine: her moods could vary wildly in the morning at times without it, though she didn't know if that was due to an alien chemical thing or…

She was suddenly aware Noel was walking away from her, and as she turned away from the door he got back in her bed and pulled the covers over him. She smiled slightly, as she closed the door and headed over to the bed.

"Come on soldier. There have been more chaotic beginnings to days. You're just using this an excuse. Come on out."

"No. Come join me. We can be dour together under here. And…build a little fort." Savior said from under the sheets.

"Come on you. Let's have a meditation session. Calm you down." Raven said, as she reached under the covers and pulled Noel out. "Besides, what good could you do from under my bedcovers?"

"Avoiding whatever crazy thing this season throws at us next."

"Oh come Noel, you have no guarantees of anything like that happening…"

* * *

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Cackled an ugly, mutated man, somewhere in the Jump City sewers. "The fools have no idea that soon, their city, and the world, will be mine! Those children are no match for…DR.SLUG! AHAHAHAHAHA! Now, with this switch, I will put my plans into motion! Pull the lever, Hortense!" 

A large mutant slug reached up and pulled down a lever.

And the laboratory promptly exploded.

"WRONG LEVER!"

* * *

"I suppose not." Noel said.

* * *

While Raven played the extrovert to Noel's introvert, an unusual role but one she always seemed to assume around this time, and while Robin chased Starfire and Gauntlet around, Cyborg and Beast Boy were meeting in an isolated hallway. 

"Ok Gar, I've sworn you to secrecy, and by that I MEAN secrecy." Cyborg said. Beast Boy nodded. "All right, here's the thing. I need to think of a good idea for a gift for…"

Cyborg glanced around the hallway, and then leaned in close to whisper as low as he could.

"…Jinx."

"JINX?" Beast Boy yelled. Cyborg recoiled back, as Beast Boy realized what he had done and clapped his hands over his mouth. Nearby, a door opened, and Nigel peered out.

"…Y and The Little Mice are out on DVD? Oh really, good! Ha ha! Ha ha!" Beast Boy laughed, leaning on a wall with one arm. "Yes, I shall have to get that for Starfire. She will enjoy the earth cartoon involving a cat named Jinxy, who has absolutely nothing to do with the Hive at all."

Nigel gave the pair an odd look, but after a second he went back into his room. Whatever the two were talking about, he had way too much paperwork to worry about it.

"Nice there Gar. Care to try again? I think a few people in Dakota didn't hear you." Cyborg commented.

"Sorry man, but…Jinx? Jinx?" Beast Boy whispered under his breath.

"Yes! I know! Look, you have to have seen some of the signs, right?"

Gar thought back…

* * *

"TITANS, GO!" Robin ordered, as the superheroes charged the Troika. Jinx shot off a magical shockwave, which blasted Beast Boy, Robin, and Cyborg off a building. 

Beast Boy turned into a bird in mid-fall.

Robin shot off his grappling hook and swung down.

And Cyborg landed on a gigantic, pink heart shaped mattress that had magically appeared out of nowhere and was hence completely unharmed.

* * *

"…Well, I guess that does explain a few things…" Beast Boy said. 

"Yeah. Well I need to get her something, without anyone else knowing! I mean it! There's a reason why I'm holding your membership in the N'Sync fanclub over your head."

"SHHH!"

"Exactly. So, your advice?"

"Lessee…Jinx…the girl who is a member of the Hive, which is filled with rotten teenagers and a tech-stealing wackjob who would like nothing more then to kill you…how about a Break Up Bear? They're these cute little teddy bears with break up lines on them. It's a gift AND a way to say 'please never talk to me again'."

Cyborg glared at Beast Boy.

"Uh…aheh…" Beast Boy laughed nervously.

A sudden sound came from Cyborg, a noise that sounded a lot like an old style modem dialing up, as Beast Boy stared at Cyborg, the noise going on for about fifteen seconds.

"Everybody in Pakistan now knows about the Pasta Debacle." Cyborg said. "Care to give me some real advice?"

"Uh well…got any money left?"

"Not really."

"Ok then…how about you give her some of your internal parts and make them into jewelry or something?"

"Ah, the Van Gough route. It's not a bad idea, and it sounds pretty romantic…if I didn't, you know, NEED them."

"Well shoot, what DOES she like?"

"I don't know! I've never exactly had more then two minutes alone with her!"

"Huh…gift, girl, lack of funds…well ok, she likes YOU, right?"

"Yeah…"

"Why don't you give her that Cyborg marionette that the Puppet King made of you? You still have it right?"

"…Well I have to say, that's not a bad idea…except there's no way to hide it AND it would be way too obvious where she got it."

"Right…what else is there…" Beast Boy thought. "Well, last year she got you that…photo…"

The two paused.

And then they grinned wickedly at each other.

* * *

"All right, now give me that pout!" Beast Boy said as he snapped a photo. 

"Knew there was a reason I held onto this thing." Cyborg said, his form reworked so he looked like Stone again…except this time he was wearing a bathing suit and appeared to be oiled, as Beast Boy continued to say insipid photographer clichés and take pictures. Yeah, this would be a good gift.

* * *

And elsewhere, Terra got hit by a snowball. 

"ARGH!"


	3. Part 3

Part 3

* * *

December 7th

"All right people. Titans East will be arriving in three days, as Speedy has convinced Young Justice to watch Steel City for them during Christmas. Just what Speedy had on Young Justice to get this to happen, I don't know, but Titans East will be arriving on the 10th. Let's do the check list, just to be sure we're ready. Now, none of them belong to a religion that had dietary restrictions?" Robin asked.

"Check." Savior said.

"We've hidden anything remotely incriminating that could feed into that East vs West rivalry that SOMEONE THOUGHT WOULD BE FUN TO START?"

"For the last time, all I did was challenge Speedy to a Pepsi drinking contest. How was I supposed to know he was THAT hyper-competitive?" Gauntlet protested.

"Right. Ok, who's in the kitchen this year?" Robin asked.

"I am." Terra and Sophie said at the same time, and then they both blinked and looked at each other. "What? No! I am!" They both said at the same time again. Robin rolled his eyes.

"Girls! Please remember: we have extra people this year, and you two are the best cooks! Can you please put your little feud aside for the sake of the meal?"

The two women didn't answer, but the way sparks were shooting from their eyes gave a fair idea of what they thought of Robin's request.

"Anyway, girls, what are we doing this year?"

"…I'll be doing the Tofurkey." Terra said, finally turning back from Sophie.

"All right. Sophie, what are we having this year. Ham? Turkey? A roast?"

"Actually this year I plan to do a variant on the Turducken." Sophie said.

"…What?" Robin said.

"Turducken. You see, it's a turkey with a duck stuffed in it with a ham stuffed in that, filled with ranch dressing and then deep fried."

Everyone stared at the woman. Beast Boy looked horrified, while Starfire blinked.

"As it begun raining in here…" She said, and then looked up to find that Cyborg was drooling on her. "Oh."

"…Sophie are you kidding?" Robin asked.

"Nope."

"…Sophie, why do something that risky when we HAVE GUESTS?" Noel asked, trying not to sound crabby and failing.

"I'm doing it on a dare, actually."

"I prefer to call it a challenge." Rob said. Raven and Starfire promptly stopped Noel from strangling the teen.

"Come on Noel. If anyone can pull it off, it's my girl." Nigel said, and patted Sophie's leg. Sophie proceeded to frown at being called 'my girl' like she was a dog and hit Scalpel on the knee. "Owtch!"

"…Fine. But we're going to purchase an extra small turkey, just in case. That way we can have turkey, tofurkey, and whoever wants a slice of instant heart attack." Noel said. "On a less happy note, do we have any word on who supplied that gear for the robber?"

"Nothing yet."

"All right, then I'm going to go out and rattle a few trees and see what gifts fall out." Savior said, and jumped off the couch and ran off.

A few seconds later, a just teleported Raven returned, dragging Savior by the ear.

"Bad Noel. No biscuit." She said, making him sit down again.

"You know we're going caroling tonight Noel. Just for that, you can be the elf." Robin said.

"No."

"Yes. It's an order."

"Robin, if you ordered it I would run into fire, I would march off a cliff, I would go off to die on some god-forsaken rock…but I will NOT dress up as an elf."

Raven whispered something into Noel's ear.

"That usually works my dear, but not this time." Savior said. Raven looked astonished.

And then, it appeared a small epiphany came to Noel.

The smile he got would remind a lot of people of the expression of a famous Suessian character oft associated with this time of year.

"…But I am open to something. Tell you what Robin, rather then start a fight, I'll play you for the whole elf thing."

Robin smirked.

"You're on. What game?"

From somewhere in his jacket, Noel produced a deck of cards.

"Poker."

* * *

"Dude, when we get back, we make a note on how we never let Noel challenge us for anything in a game of poker." Beast Boy said, dressed as an elf.

"Oh come on man, it's not that bad." Cyborg replied.

"Not that bad? Who's dressed as the elf?" Beast Boy asked.

"Who cares about that? He now owns my firstborn!" Sophie mock-lamented.

And Terra got hit with another snowball.

"ARGH NOT AGAIN!"

* * *

The Titans weren't alone in their caroling: Jump City actually had a few 'Caroling Nights' where large groups of people would gather and sing them together, and in some of the public areas, had unofficial 'Caroling Contests' if there was a stage or anything that could be used as a stage. The Titans ended up in the main one, which due it being in the main square of Jump City, actually had a group of musicians to provide lyrics. This lead to an evening where the Titans mostly goofed off on the stage, while a pair or so of them prowled around and made sure the peace was kept. As the night wore down however, the Titans decided to send off the crowd with something special, and after some brief organizing, all of them headed on stage.

Cyborg and Starfire stepped out to the front. While all their previous songs had been 'generic', the next one was not, and could potentially give implications that the Titans didn't want made. However, they also didn't want to go on stage and treat the audience like children by explaining this, so they settled for just singing it. If anyone asked, they would explain the song spoke nothing of any of their personal beliefs: they just could sing it well, and they all liked it.

The reason Cyborg and Starfire were at the front was because they were going to be the main singers. Starfire was obvious, but Cyborg was out there because the way he was going to sing the song sounded best if it was done a certain way. Cyborg, using his body to alter and modulate his voice, was the only one able to project the proper tone, which was a powerful operatic one. It was a bit strange to hear Cyborg sounding like an opera singer, but since he was just trying to entertain the crowd and not pass off his altered and very carefully modulated voice as his own, there was no harm done.

The crowd went quiet, and then Robin gestured to the guest musicians, who began. Cyborg took a deep breath to calm his nerves: he'd done this a few times but just for his friends in the tower, not a crowd.

But like in heroing, Cyborg came through, as he began the chosen song.

"_Adeste fidelis!_" Cyborg sang. "_Laeti triumphantes! Venite, venite in Bethlehem…Natum videte! Regem angelorum! Venite adoremus…venite adoremus…VENITE ADOREMUS…DOOOOOOMINUM!_"

A brief pause, as Cyborg stepped back and Starfire stepped forward. He'd sung in Latin, while she would sing the song in English.

"_Oh come, all ye faithful…_" She softly sang in contrast to Cyborg's booming tenor. "_Joyful and triumphant. O come ye, o come ye to Bethlehem. Come and behold him… Born the King of Angels. O come let us adore him…O come let us adore him… O come let us adore him…Christ the Lord._"

Another pause, and then Cyborg and Starfire started up, this time at the same time, each doing their own language. Somehow, it perfectly blended. Even more so when all the Titans joined in, Savior, Robin, and Raven backing up Cyborg and Terra, Gauntlet, Scalpel, and Sophie backing up Starfire.

Too bad it wasn't filmed. It, at least this time, would have put anything on American Idol to shame, as the group did the whole last verse together before the song ended.

And the crowd went wild.

* * *

**Nice little performance there.**

_Why thank you. Thought I should explain the story title._

**You are aware though that without music whatever effect you wanted to accomplish is severely muted.**

_Ugh. Must you dump on everything I do? It's based on Luciano Pavarotti's and Vanessa Williams' performance on the December 12th, 1998 edition of Saturday Night Live, they air it every year on their Christmas special, it's not hard to find._

**Ah, but the readers didn't know that.**

_They do now!_

**Now, about the lyrics…**

_Argh! I am not having this argument! Moving forward!

* * *

_

December 8th

"You seem better now." Raven said to Noel as they strolled through the hallway.

"One just needs a reminder of the good things in the season. Besides, I'd better keep an eye on the guys when we decorate the tree." Noel replied. The Titans had finally gotten said tree this morning, and as Noel and Raven walked into the room, it had been set up.

And Cyborg was making a pitch.

"…you, it will shave minutes off our time…" Cyborg said.

"Vic, before you do anything, have you worked out all the bugs yet?" Robin asked.

"Yes!…In theory."

"Oh no, are we being introduced to this year's version of the specially designed cannon?" Noel asked.

"Nope." Cyborg said. Noel looked relieved.

"It's this year's specialized designed bazooka!" Cyborg crowed, lifting up a giant piece of ordnance.

"…I'm going to go get the lights." Noel said, turning and heading out of the room.

"I'll help." Raven said, following.

"Ditto." Terra said as she also followed.

"Good idea." Scalpel added as he too fell into line.

"The best." Sophie finished, also leaving.

"Oh come on guys! This is me we're talking about here!" Cyborg protested.

"Victor, while I understand your enthusiasm for building, as well as your human need for celerity, I must point out that our group consists of three friends and myself who possess above-average strength, two friends and myself who are capable of flight, a friend who can charm nature with words from dark scary books to prevent such things as drying out and premature tree death, two friends with rope talents to get into the most complicated nooks and crannies, and a leader, who is also a wondrous man, who always makes it so the pine tree that serves as one of this season's denominations never falls over…so why would be need to increase the velocity of this ritual any more?" Starfire said.

"Well um…uh…because it would look cool?" Cyborg suggested.

"He's got my vote!" Beast Boy said.

"And mine!" Gauntlet echoed. Robin glared at them.

"…Vic, before you do anything, I insist on a test."

"Sure thing Tim!" Cyborg said, as he went over and fetched a hat rack, setting it against a wall. "Now, watch as my marvelous device turns that simple wood stand into…well, a simple wood stand with tinsel on it." Cyborg said, and aimed.

* * *

"…………I did not think it was possible for strands of metallic colored paper to penetrate hard stone." Starfire commented twenty seconds later, looking at the ruin of what had once been a hat rack.

"…Ok. Maybe it still has a few more bugs to work out." Cyborg said, as he hid the large gun behind his back. Robin gave him a look that was part glare and part wry expression. "Besides, anyway, I have some other stuff! Wait until you check out my Christmas ball launcher…"

* * *

"…Cyborg, Christmas orbs are made out of a fragile painted glass. Our windows are composed of a super-dense polycarbonate thermoplastic that has seven times the tensile strength of steel." Robin said, and then pointed to the several small holes that were now in said window. "So please, explain this."

"…Uhhhhhh…put that on the needs more work list too." Cyborg said. "Well, my next one…"

"No more next ones!"

"Yes, I fear that if you produce a device to place the star on the tree, it will somehow rend the fabric of space and time." Starfire commented.

"Ha ha." Cyborg said, as he reached under a table and produced a hose. "This is my Snow Storm cannon. It will do something even we can't do quickly: spray fake snow on the Christmas tree. It's just a basic fire hose, so don't worry, this won't be a problem…"

* * *

Noel returned with his friends, all of them carrying boxes, to see Robin exiting the room. He looked like he had been thrown up on by Frosty the Snowman. He glared at the group, more out of general anger then any acrimony between them, and then stalked off.

"…I think we missed something." Savior commented.

* * *

"And all in favor of NOT horsewhipping Cyborg?" Robin asked.

"Uh…nay?" Cyborg said in a small voice.

By now, the Titans had cleaned up the mess and decorated their tree without any of Cyborg's devices, and with the gifts under it Robin was holding a mock trial.

"Come on guys! It washed out!"

"Cyborg, you nearly ruined my favorite dress." Starfire said.

"…Aren't they all basically the same?" Cyborg asked.

"You nearly ruined one of my 6.1 inch skirts: I only have two of those, the rest are 6.2 inch skirts. If it doesn't come out, I'll just have the one 6.1 inch skirt, as the rest will be 6.2 inch skirts."

"…You measure your clothing?" Gauntlet asked.

"Of course! Does your society not know of Bjakwog, the annual holiday in Vimtar for approximating the size of clothing?"

Everyone stared.

"…Star are you serious?" Noel asked.

"…No, just trying your human 'sarcasm'." Starfire said, and grinned. Everyone facevaulted.

* * *

December 9th

"Any luck finding out about that gear?" Oracle asked from her computer.

"No, not yet…Savior's still looking into it, and Cyborg should be as well, except I know he's trying to perfect new ways for his Christmas machines to kill us." Robin said. Oracle chuckled lightly.

"I remember, before your time, back in the day when it was just Dick and I…sometimes Bruce would experiment with new things to put in his utility belt, and he'd leave the belt out and such…Dick and got into it one Christmas when he was doing it and rigged his whole belt so it was Christmas-themed, and Bruce put the belt on and left for a Justice League meeting afterward, and they got attacked…I heard that when he was pulling out a candy-cane shaped grappler and throwing mistletoe-wrapped Batarangs both Barry and Hal were laughing so hard they nearly got defeated by Kanjor Ro…I remember when he came back I thought he'd rip our hides off…but he just looked at us…and for a moment he looked bemused….I miss those days." Oracle said, a trace of sadness in her voice.

"…I'll see if I can come up there." Robin replied.

"No no Tim, don't trouble yourself, I have the girls…and Ollie will probably drop by…I'll be fine…what about you? You're having the Titans East over there this year, how's that going?"

"It's all over but the shouting, or more precisely, the shouting on who goes where."

* * *

"Ok." Beast Boy said. "Speedy can sleep in the main room, Aqualad can share quarters with Noel, Mas Y Menos can sleep in the car, and Bumblebee can sleep with Terra."

"What? I don't want to bunk with 'Listen to my opinions all day and night!' Bumblebee can have Noel's room, Noel can sleep with Raven, Aqualad can have your room Gar, Speedy can sleep in the garage, and Mas Y Menos can sleep as far away from me as possible." Terra said.

"I don't want her reading my books, it could lead to…violent disagreements." Noel said. "Maybe Bumblebee can have Star's room, Cyborg can room with Rob and Speedy and Aqualad can have Cyborg's room, and Mas Y Menos can sleep in Terra's drawers."

"WHAT?"

"I meant your WOOD CLOTHING HOLDING DRAWERS."

"Oh no, I'm not sleeping with Cyborg! He…whirs! How about we just pull everything out of the evidence room and have them all sleep there?" Gauntlet protested.

"Sure Rob, let's compromise the delicate and complicated security set up we have in the evidence room so our guests can sleep in the unheated and uncarpeted expanse watched by several dozen security cameras."

"Argh! Fine! Bumblebee can sleep in your bed with you Noel, Speedy can sleep in the kitchen, Aqualad can sleep in the shower, and May Y Menos can sleep hanging from coat hangers in the broom closet down the hall!"

"Can we please take this seriously…" Cyborg said…

* * *

"Ok, it's agreed then. Bumblebee gets Star's room, Star is with Robin, Beast Boy and I are in my room so Mas Y Menos get his room, and Speedy and Aqualad can sleep in a crack in the fold of existence I will break into just for them. I have had enough and need eggnog and Christmas specials." Cyborg said several hours later, and left.

"…Won't Mas Y Menos eat all of Beast Boy's hidden cookies?" Starfire suggested.

And hence the argument recommenced.

And Terra got hit by a snowball.

"ARGH! I WAS INSIDE THAT TIME!"


	4. Part 4

Part 4

* * *

December 10th

We come to a large window on Titan Tower…in which stand Charlie and Dickens.

"Today was the day that Titans East would arrive to celebrate Christmas with their fellow, more successful (oh come on, you were thinking it) team. Before we go any further, I must remind you that due to my mixing of the canon of two shows and one comic company, that the Speedy and Aqualad we see here are not who you think. Since the original Speedy and Aqualad, now known as Arsenal and Tempest, exist in their adult forms in this world, my Speedy and Aqualad are completely new people. Speedy is a boy named Nathaniel Parsons who became Speedy to piss off Green Arrow, and hence could not be considered an 'official' Speedy, and Aqualad is the child of an obscure DC hero named Oceania, who could control water, who was raised by Atlantis and hence he has the ability to control water, an ability that the Aqualad in the comics never manifested, and who had a name that I had given him once but I have forgotten it."

"Nice. You give the readers enough hoops to jump through?" Dickens said.

"Oh be quiet!"

"Was it really necessary to bring in the Titans East?"

"Hey, I'm trying not to repeat myself here! Besides, what harm could it do?"

And then the window of the sill the two were standing in swung open, knocking them both off the Tower with a scream, as Bumblebee leaned out.

"80 DEGREE WEATHER! NO SNOW! NO WIND! I CAN GET A TAN! I CAN SHOWER IN COLD WATER AND NOT CARE! I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE!" Bumblebee declared, apparently taking great delight in now being in Florida.

"…Are you not already…well tanned?" Starfire asked.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Bumblebee snapped back as she turned away from the window.

"Time, time!" Robin said, slipping between the pair. "Welcome to our home Karen. Enjoy your stay and please…keep your team reigned in."

"ARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Came a scream from within the kitchen. A moment later Beast Boy poked his head out.

"Whoever left the empty can of sardines on the table, congratulations, you just traumatized Aqualad."

"Nos gusta el arroz con huevo? Donde esta nuestro arroz con huevo!" Mas Y Menos declared as they ran up, making everyone jump.

"Uh…hi to you too." Terra said.

"Samoa Joe solo no vendio maldiciones!" The twins said, and dashed off.

"…Hey! Don't open that! No wait, don't press that! Argh, there's a reason that lever is labeled danger!" Savior yelled as he chased the twins around. Robin sighed, as Scalpel walked in, carrying a large series of bags that he set down while he watched Mas Y Menos run roughshod over the room.

"Um…Miss. Beecher…I am still new to this planet, somewhat, and don't understand everything…but…have you ever heard of something called…discipline?" Scalpel said.

" 'Ey! No Somos los Titanes de East de Chaltab! Nos da un respiró…" Mas Y Menos said as they heard the voice and slipped over to it…and then actually got a good look at Nigel. "IYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" They shrieked, and ran from the room.

"…Thank you. Thank you so much." Bumblebee said, and kissed Nigel on the cheek. Nigel blushed slightly, not sure what he'd done.

Sophie walked in a few seconds later, thankfully missing the kiss.

"Would someone please explain to me why two Spanish speaking twins are hiding in my freezer?"

* * *

Things were calmer an hour later. Cyborg had distracted Mas Y Menos with video games, Robin was reviewing a list of Jump City's foes with Bumblebee in case there was any trouble during their stay, and Aqualad was trying to find his room in the tower from Beast Boy and Starfire's horrendous directions.

And Speedy was in one of the smaller general rooms, fiddling with his arrows, as Gauntlet walked in.

"Hiya!" He said.

"Hey." Speedy replied, not looking up from his arrows.

"I'm Gauntlet!"

Speedy just nodded, still looking at his arrows.

"Watcha doing?" Gauntlet asked.

"Making sure my dangerous and highly combustible weapons are stable so they don't blow up and kill us all." Speedy said.

"Oh." Gauntlet said.

Speedy continued working.

There was a long silence.

Speedy kept working, removing one arrow and making minute adjustments to the tip.

"…So, how's that lawsuit going? I hear you are losing, but I might as well hear it from you. Savior keeps saying Green Arrow will have your ass." Gauntlet said.

Speedy jerked and accidentally twisted the arrow tip. It began to rapidly beep.

"Oops." Gauntlet said.

KABOOM!

"…I don't know if you read the Titan charter, but it forbids members from suing other members." A soot covered Gauntlet said, as a soot covered Speedy could do nothing more then blink.

* * *

"Now I know why Bumblebee wouldn't trade Mas and Menos for him." Speedy said some time later, as he nursed a hot chocolate. "And another thing! You'd think in a tower this size that we'd get our own rooms!"

Despite all the arguing and Cyborg's vow, the Titans had been unable to work out a setup for the Titans to get a room each, even with the couples sharing a room together. So Aqualad and Speedy were in the same room, though Aqualad had literally gotten the short straw having drawn the floor to sleep on. Though, in all fairness he'd probably prefer to sleep in the shower.

"You have a point." Aqualad replied lightly, not actually seeming to care. It was late, and there wasn't much to do. The entire tower was either sleeping or getting ready to, as they were soon going to actually start preparing for the big day, sorting out the tree, sorting out presents, and so on. As it turned out, there'd been a list error and they still hadn't bought some of the gifts.

"I mean, it's pretty much the same size as our Tower right? We have room to spare!" Speedy said. "They claim they've collected a lot more stuff due to their longer history. That or they think they're so hot we have to sleep on the floor."

"It's not you who's sleeping on the floor, it's me, and what are you griping about anyway?"

"That damn Gauntlet, causing me to set off an arrow, not to mention beating me at my own game!" The archer complained.

"I thought archery was your game, not caffeine consumption." His aquatic friend replied, half amused, half indignant. "Though it was rather funny to see you wander around in such a 'drugged' state, remember then you tried…"

"Enough, enough. I just say I think its time we got our own back is all. For crying out loud, a fat nerd thought we were a joke! And the Titans just seem to keep backing that opinion up! So far they've beaten us in combat, caffeine wars, videogames, hell they've even beaten us in spelling!"

"Well… they haven't beaten us in pranks… Or eating. I'm sure with M and M's metabolism we'll probably do really well at that." The Atlantian commented to his aggravated, arrow-slinging friend, though mostly in that continued humorous tone.

"…Yes. Yes, you're right!" Speedy said. Aqualad arched an eyebrow. "They have yet to beat us in pranks! I have an idea! We do that, AND we get our own back with Gauntlet! Yes, it's definitely a plan!" Speedy declared, a pondering look on his face. "Tomorrow! Tomorrow we'll start something!"

"You're starting something now."

"What?"

"A headache, for me. Just go to sleep already." Aqualad said, as he turned over and wrapped himself up a little and tried to sleep.

"But you're on board with me on this, right?" Speedy asked.

"Yes yes! Sleep now!" Aqualad said, waving an arm and trying to get comfortable on the air mattress while his friend was working himself up into a frenzy, thinking about all the possibilities.

I wonder….

* * *

December 11th

"Ok people, listen up." Raven said to the gathered Titans. "There are nearly double the number of people in the Tower for the next three weeks, and that means there has to be more changes then sleeping arrangements. So, in order to accommodate these new arrivals, we will be setting up a schedule of shower and bathroom times. That means you, Gauntlet."

"Hey, my hair needs at least an hour of gel every day or else it gets limp and lifeless!" Gauntlet protested.

"I can fix that for you." Noel said, holding up a taser.

"Put that away Savior. As for you Gauntlet, just make yourself a Gen X-er ponytail and grow a goatee to match it. Now, for the next order of business…" Raven said, as Mas and Menos crept behind her. "Someone has been using an unusual amount of Red Bull ever since the new Titans showed up."

Mas Y Menos froze, Mas standing on Menos' shoulders as he was removing a twelve-pack of Red Bull from the fridge, every Titan seeing them except Raven.

"Since Mas Y Menos showed up at exactly around the time the problem started, I'll be putting them in charge of figuring out what's going on."

Everyone facevaulted. Raven arched an eyebrow.

"Ok…besides that, once Gauntlet and Cyborg remove their hidden cameras from Bumblebee's room, that should be everything."

"HEY! Why do you assume that I can't set up those cameras by myself?" Gauntlet blurted out.

If looks could kill, Gauntlet would be so dead by all the glaring females in the room even comic book resurrections wouldn't have worked for him,

"…Crap." Gauntlet said. Starfire and Savior managed to restrain Bumblebee from clawing his eyes out.

"Shame on you Gauntlet! How did I ever get you to talk me into that!" Cyborg scolded. _Heh heh heh. Little do they know that I set up an entirely different set of cameras._

"And Cyborg, you do realize that you are thinking very loudly in the presence of somebody with vague, ill defined magical powers, right?" Raven said. Cyborg blanched as everyone looked at him.

"…All right, I confess! I had another set of cameras placed!"

"Cyborg, my ill defined magical powers don't include casual telepathy." Raven said.

"…DAMN IT!"

"Sometimes, I'm glad she's wasting her time here instead of being a real life Perry Mason." Robin said to Savior, who nodded, as Starfire got up to stop Bumblebee again…and found she wasn't moving.

"Friend Karen, are you not once more going to attempt the yelling and the eye gouging and the attempting of wounds with fingernails and the hurting and shoving?"

"…Why?" Bumblebee asked.

The whole room facevaulted again.

* * *

"Still have a crush on Cyborg, huh?" Terra asked a bit later, with she and Bumblebee sitting at the table while Cyborg once again played games with Mas Y Menos while Gauntlet impatiently waited his turn.

"…Yeah, I suppose. I mean…for all our differences, and the whole robot thing…he's fine."

"Arriba el Peru, carajo!" Mas Y Menos celebrated.

"Well, if you're into that kind of thing." Terra commented.

And then she got hit by a snowball.

"WHERE DO THOSE KEEP COMING FROM THIS IS FLORIDA THERE ISN'T EVEN ANY SNOW!"

* * *

Some time later, Starfire was standing before a large whiteboard, in the middle of sketching out a very complicated looking plan, when Speedy passed by her.

"Hello Friend Speedy!" Starfire said, still drawing.

"Hey Starfire. What are you doing?"

"Sketching out all the possible routes Santa could take so I could narrow down which ones would be the most likely!" Starfire said, and went back to her task, merrily. Speedy stood there for a moment.

"Santa Claus." Speedy said.

"Yes!"

"…And you want to intercept him."

"Yes!"

Speedy was silent again, and then walked away. He stood in the distance for about ten minutes, looking deep in thought, and finally he returned to Starfire's side.

"Starfire…"

"Yes Friend Speedy?"

"I really debated whether or not I should be the one to tell you this, but it's clear that if no one has told you yet that no one wants to, for various reasons, so I have decided to do it myself. Star…there is no Santa Claus."

Starfire stared at him.

"Your point being?" She said after a bit. Speedy nearly facevaulted.

"Starfire…Santa Claus doesn't exist. He's a very nice story, he represents great things, and if the world was perfect we'd all follow his example, we still should…but he's just a story. Your gifts come from us, not him. You can't intercept his path because he never took one. I'm sorry Starfire, but…he doesn't exist." Speedy said.

"…………………Your point being?"

Speedy facevaulted so hard he shook the whole Tower.

* * *

Noel walked into the room carrying a armload of presents and found himself flying into the air as Mas Y Menos ran past him, their whiplash striking his legs and throwing his feet out from under him. To add injury to further injury, the gifts then fell on top of him.

"What the hell!" Savior growled, as he picked himself up from the ground and saw the young speedsters continue to literally bounce off the walls, as several members of the Titans and Titans East chased them. "What's going on here!"

"Ugh." Robin said, as he landed next to Savior. "We ran out of Red Bull, and Beast Boy thought some coffee would do, but he mixed up the normal coffee with the kind Starfire has to drink when she has that Tamaranian 'issue' every five months and well…you see the result."

"VIVA MEXICO! VIVA LOS PANTELONES!" Mas Y Menos yelled as they continued to dash around. Savior sighed and got out of the way, as he tried to organize the dropped presents. Meanwhile, several Titans stopped to rest.

"Hey Cyborg, where's that catalogue we got? You know, the ACME one?" Gauntlet asked.

"Wha…" Cyborg said, as Gauntlet abruptly produced a stand with a blueprint on it.

"Plan A: I have a rocket pointed at a clever trap I have set up: a pile of Mountain Dew and tacos. Once they get there, I will set off the rocket, and there should be enough left over to make one speedster, Frankenstein style."

"We want to STOP them, not KILL them!" Aqualad protested.

"Fine." Gauntlet said, as he tore down the blueprints to reveal another set beneath them. "Plan B. Pile of Mountain Dew and tacos, filled with iron ball bearings. Once they're done eating, I activate this magnet and BAM! Caught."

"They'll die of iron poisoning." Robin said.

Gauntlet tore down the blueprints again to reveal another set.

"Plan C! A brave volunteer chases them down on rocket power roller skates!"

"…HELL NO." Bumblebee said.

RIP!

"Plan D! Mountain Dew and tacos plus fly paper!" Gauntlet said, as Noel walked over.

"Fly paper? What are you kidding? Gauntlet, the reason it's called FLY paper is because it only catches…"

And then Noel stared, as in the time he had spoken the sentence, Mas Y Menos had ended up trapped on the ground, glued to large sheets of the insect trap.

"…Wow. That must be some really good fly paper." Noel commented.

"Yeah, I got the recipe from Catman. Apparently he used it a lot in the mid 50's." Gauntlet replied.

"Well Rob, I hate to say this, but your plan actually worked. Good job."

"Yup. Although I did have a backup. Plan E."

"What? And what exactly was Plan…"

CRASH! A giant boulder abruptly landed on Noel.

"…THAT was your Plan E! Are you nuts? We said no killing!" Aqualad yelled.

"Hey, the coyote always survives." Gauntlet commented. "Besides, that wasn't Plan E."

"I AM GOING TO KILL…!" Savior roared as he shoved the boulder off.

And then a second larger boulder landed on Savior, smashing him and the first boulder into the ground once more.

"THAT was Plan E." Gauntlet said.

* * *

"All right, all right." Speedy said that night, as all the Titans sat around the fireplace, which had again mysteriously appeared as the Christmas season approached. "This game is called 'What A Way To Go'. Basically, you must theorize how someone you know will die."

"Ugh, do we have to play something that morbid…" Savior commented, still holding an ice pack to his head.

"Relax. This isn't a serious game. I don't want realistic odds on how we really will die. I want to know how others WILL die." Speedy said. "I'll go first. Green Arrow will die when Zombie Robin Hood comes back to demand that he get his own shtick."

"…But would Green Arrow really be so incompetent to be killed by a centuries-dead zombie? It would only be brittle bones…" Starfire said.

"No no no Starfire. This isn't an actual way for Green Arrow to die. It's just a joke." Speedy said.

"I still do not understand this game."

"It's simple. We're scoffing at our own mortality by making light of the deaths of famous heroes, ensuring that the deaths are the most ludicrous ones we can come up with." Gauntlet said.

"Oh, why did you not say so?" Starfire said, and grinned. Several Titans facevaulted.

"Does anyone else find it disturbing that Rob speaks fluent Starfire?" Cyborg commented.

"Not really. Rob's an idiot savant when it comes to languages. If only he had anything valuable to say…" Savior snarked.

Mas Y Menos said something in Spanish, Rob replied, and the two went back and forth a bit before the twins finished and the three laughed, secure in the knowledge that no one else had understood.

"You know, I know you mean me when you say Navidad." Noel commented.

"…Scheiss." Rob said.

"Oh, I know! Robin's going to die when one day Rob or Star 'helpfully' waxes his grappling hook." Beast Boy suggested.

"…This is not a good thing to do?" Starfire said. Robin arched an eyebrow, and then glanced at his belt as several Titans chuckled.

"And Speedy will die the next time he forgets that the bathroom is mine between 9 and 10 in the morning." Bumblebee said.

"Oh will you just get off it…"

"Starfire will die in Paris fleeing a horde of fanboys. People will talk about her decades after her death, and speculate about conspiracies involving the Royal House of Tamaran." Terra said. A few Titans giggled, while Starfire looked confused. "And Sophie's neck will snap under the weight of her fat head."

"Terra will finally suck so much she will collapse on herself like a neutron star!" Sophie snapped back.

"Down girls…"

"Mas will eventually become jealous of Menos' good looks and kill him in a fit of rage." Robin said. The twins looked confused, and then replied in Spanish, going on for nearly five minutes. When it was done, Gauntlet was on the ground struggling for breath.

"What could be that funny?" Savior asked.

"Sorry…it doesn't really translate…oh man guys, that's just WRONG…" Gauntlet giggled.

"Cyborg will die when he wakes up to a ringing one morning and accidentally answers the death ray." Scalpel said.

"Scalpel will die one day when his nose really itches." Cyborg replied.

"Aqualad will drown." Beast Boy said. "Ohhhhh, continuing the irony patrol…Oracle will regain the use of her legs and then trip down a flight of stairs!" Beast Boy added.

"Hey! Don't go there Gar…" Robin warned.

"Okkkkkk…Raven says one syllable wrong in her master spell and accidentally turns herself into a football." Speedy said.

"Raven says one syllable wrong in her master spell and accidentally turns Speedy into a rubber glove, which is then put on by a proctologist." Raven replied in a dry, acid tone. Everyone ohhhhhhhed.

"Beast Boy. Two words. Bird flu." Cyborg said.

"Cyborg. Two words. Water bucket." Beast Boy replied.

"Savior. Two words. Angst poisoning." Gauntlet said.

"Ha ha." Savior replied. "Anyone got a serious one?"

"Oh wait I know!" Starfire said. "Savior, despite all his planning and preparation, is swinging through the air one day…and he gets hit by lightning!"

Everyone laughed, while Savior frowned.

"Good one Star!"

"I don't think that works…" Savior said.

"Oh oh, wait! Better!" Beast Boy said.

"I'm pretty sure you have to be grounded to be hit by lightning…" Savior said.

"Well wait, no, pilots fear being hit by lightning, don't they?" Bumblebee interrupted.

"I'm pretty sure you have to be grounded to be ELECTROCUTED by lightning, which isn't what would happen to a plane." Savior said.

"Guys, I said this wasn't serious." Speedy said.

"Yeah, anyway, my one! Billy Batson says Shazam, and then he gets hit by lightning! Except instead of magic lightning, it's REAL lightning!" Beast Boy said.

"Really, this is wrong. I know you can get hit by lightning in the air, because the human body is far more conductive than air. The electricity takes the path of least resistance, and if it could take a route through a high-water, fairly low resistance human body over the high resistance air, it would. The overall resistance of the "circuit" would be the same, whether you're on the ground getting zapped or swinging through the air. Don't misunderstand me though; it wouldn't _stop_ when it hit me, it would just go through me to complete the circuit. And I would only die if the bolt went through his heart or brain. Say I was about to jump off a lightning rod, and only had one foot on it. If it hit my other foot, it would go up through my genitals and out my foot into the rod, not killing me, but probably making me feel funny down south. You also have to consider that it has to go through my suit first, and my suit doesn't conduct very well, and the Shimmer doesn't conduct at all, hence it is far more likely it will avoid me completely." Savior said.

Everyone stared.

"Well…science backs Savior up. I think." Robin said.

"…Ok, fine." Speedy said. "Batman is driving the Batmobile when he gets struck by lightning and dies."

Robin looked cross.

"No no. Batman is driving the Batmobile when the charred body of Savior, who was struck by lightning seconds before, crashes into the windshield causing the Batmobile to spin out of control and hit a hospital, killing Batman instantly!" Gauntlet declared. Now both Savior and Robin were looking cross.

"The charred remains of the Batmobile are then struck by lightning!" Terra laughed.

"Which is then hit by the plummeting corpse of Billy Batson!" Beast Boy cracked.

"And then Superman kills himself because he hears on Fox News that some bizarre orange Superman died, and he concludes that he must also be dead!" Speedy said.

"I'm going to bed." Noel said, leaving the room. Robin did likewise.

"And then Lois Lane and dozens of construction workers, planning the gigantic thirty story metal statue that will be erected in Superman's honor, all get hit by lightning…!" Gauntlet said as his voice faded from Noel's ears.

* * *

Savior had been making notes for about ten minutes when he finally noticed that Raven had been staring out the window for the exact same length of time.

"Something wrong?" He asked.

"…I'm not wholly sure…" Raven said, as she turned away from the window. "Noel, I didn't mention it before, but for the past few days I've been getting…odd feelings."

"How so?"

"I don't know…mostly during meditation…I'll have a fleeting sense something is off, but it's long gone before I can put my finger on what it is."

"Is that a bad sign?"

"Possibly, but I really don't know. Could just be ripples in the natural field of magic. Or it could quite literally be something I ate." Raven said, as she sat down by the bed. "I'll let you know if it intensifies. By the way, you shouldn't take Speedy's game so seriously."

"…One shouldn't joke about death. I feel it can be…too tempting for fate." Savior said, as he finished his writing and slipped his journal away. "Besides, I don't need any holiday stress. It comes too naturally for me anyway."

Raven just looked mildly exasperated, as Noel shrugged and kissed her on the cheek.

"Night." He said, and promptly went to sleep.

"Don't forget who's the precognitive in the relationship here Noel." Raven said to Noel's back, and slipped under the covers herself.

"And try to lighten up. You're still pretty sour."

"I go where life takes me."

Famous last words.


	5. Part 5

Part 5

* * *

December 12th

No one knew what started it, really.

The 80's truly saw the rise of it: The 'Must Have' toy, which kicked off with Cabbage Patch Dolls, and progressed through the years with other notable examples including Tickle Me Elmos and Furbies. With the rise of video games from a child's toy to an actual universal entertainment medium in the mid-90's, certain pieces of electronics also had a habit of becoming hot items.

The Gamestation 470 had gone past hot and gone all the way to supernova, and this day a large electronics store had managed to get a large shipment in. Fortunately, they had had the wherewithal to alert the police, who had sent several dozen units to watch over the place. Good thing, as a hundred people had been in line the night before, a crowd that had swiftly swelled to thousands by the morning. At the time though, it seemed peaceful, as the cops kept order and managed to prevent a stampede when the store actually opened.

But all good things must come to an end…

Perhaps somehow two people had grabbed a box at the same time. Perhaps someone had come into the store looking for something else entirely and been mistaken for another competitor. Perhaps someone said the wrong thing. Or maybe the holiday stress just got to someone.

Because a minor scuffle broke out, a minor scuffle that was almost adverted…until someone who already had a system got too greedy and tried to claim the one being fought over, which drew two more people into the fight. The cops tried to break it up before the chain reaction got away from them, but the incident had seemingly taken on a life of its own, as more and more people, for their own reason, got involved, a true ripple in a pond…

It truly went out of control when a Gamestation 470 being fought over was confiscated by a police officer to try and calm people down…and then promptly run off with, the police officer wanting it for himself.

That was it.

By the time the Titans got there, it was a full blown riot, complete with smashing windows, burning cars, looting, trampling, and all the usual good stuff, the police having long been overwhelmed and retreated, waiting for the SWAT Team or the Titans to get there first.

The Titans had extra numbers, and they did their best to calm the people without resorting to violence…but things like that do not take long to go from simple things like trying to please your children to primal urges to vent all the frustrations and rages people have about their lives, and in the face of such a thing, the Titans could not find a peaceful solution: they were forced to take action.

Even then, they held back. Mas Y Menos and Beast Boy concerned themselves with rescuing children and the elderly. Terra buried a group up to their neck in dirt, completely immobilizing them. Cyborg busted out a new variation of his sonic cannon that made people dizzy and disoriented without harming them. Raven sucked out a group's rage and then warped away to vent it. Even Robin settled for just knocking people down and then cuffing them with plastic links.

And Savior also tried to do things peacefully, despite the fact this wasn't one man punching at him, it was a giant group of all kinds of people, seemingly all united in a nameless rage. Savior even tried not making threats.

Until a lucky shot of a tossed bottle smashed on his head, causing him to stumble, which let one guy tackle him, driving him to the ground, and then it seemed like hundreds were dog-piling on Savior, beating on him like he was their mortal enemy and they truly wished his demise.

This lasted about a second and a half.

The mob was hurled away as Savior erupted from under the heap. And he was done playing nice.

"All right, that's the way you want to play?" Savior growled.

The worst part was, even when Savior cut loose, he still barely got the crowd under control.

* * *

"You know what I blame this on?" Beast Boy commented, the mob finally broken, people fleeing the Titans as the Titans rounded up everyone they could, restraining them in various ways. "A strong launch lineup. Most game systems only had at best one great game when they launched, as it takes time for people to learn a new system…this one had five. Five great games. Really, what were people expecting…" Beast Boy joked, trying to lighten the mood. For some, it worked.

But Raven could tell it hadn't for Savior. She didn't even have to see his face to know. She could feel it coming off him, waves of anger, of disgust, of scorn…and under all that a deep sense of disappointment and sadness, directed both at the crowd, carefully tied up in the Shimmer…and at himself.

"Savior…" She said, trying to step in before…

"They tried to kill me." Savior commented.

With those words, Raven knew she was too late. Plenty of people had tried to kill Savior before: he accepted that. But he couldn't accept this…not the reason behind it.

"For this." Savior said, holding up a mutilated box that had once held a Gamestation 470. "They tried to kill me, the one who saved their lives, so many times, tried to beat me into a shattered paste…for THIS. For a few hundred dollars worth of electronics. To them, that was more important then anything. Their freedom, my life, ANYTHING." Savior growled.

"…Savior…it's not just about that. These things, they swiftly become…" Raven began.

"I know Raven. I know." Savior said. "But it's not enough."

The SWAT team was finally arriving, rounding up the people in paddy wagons. A group came to take custody of Savior's batch: contrary to being cowed, a good few of them cursed at Noel as they were taken away. Savior's face remained blank.

"…I tried Raven." Savior said. "I try every year. But it's just too much."

"Savior…"

"I'm sorry." Savior said, as he turned away. "I am. But I can't Raven. I'm done…I'm done with it all." Savior said, and with that he swung off.

Raven watched him go, and sighed to herself.

* * *

"Still won't come out?" Robin asked.

It was some time later, and the Titans had finally all gathered back at the Tower. Robin and a few had accompanied the captured rioters back to the police station…and it was there Robin had noticed something strange. A lot of the rioters had still been angry, if not furious when brought in, snapping at the cops and struggling with their captors…and then, about an hour later, it had all vanished, like someone had flicked a switch. Most of the rioters said they had no idea what had happened, how they had gotten there, or what was going on. Robin had gotten Raven to see what was going on, and while she confessed that there did seem to be a fair bit of genuine confusion, there was also more then a bit of people attempting to shift the blame for their own lack of self-control. Still, it was something to note, and something Robin wanted to discuss with Savior, who had gone back into the Tower in a funk.

However, Savior wouldn't see him. He'd moved all his stuff out of Raven's room and back into his, and he was politely asking to be left alone.

Later, much to Robin's realized annoyance, the Titans spent ninety minutes trying to get Savior to come out. He wouldn't budge, and in most cases, wouldn't even talk with the Titans. The only one he'd spoken to was with Raven, and even she'd been unable to convince him to rejoin the Titans.

"He says it's for the best." Raven said. "He doesn't want to drag us all down. He'd rather deal with the season his own way and let us have our fun. He said…he'd do all the Christmas busywork. Wrapping, card lists, anything…so we'd have more time to ourselves. Besides that…well, he just doesn't want to spend time with us. He'd just be no fun."

"But…he is one of us…" Starfire said.

"Man, let him sulk in there if that's what he wants to do so badly. Why are we wasting our time on his emo ass? Let's go add alcohol to the egg nog and play ping pong!" Bumblebee said, as she shrank down to small size and flew off.

Robin's annoyance came from the fact that Bumblebee was right. Noel may have been part of the team, and his friend, but if all he wanted to do was sit in his room and think bleak thoughts of what Christmas had become, then what the hell was he doing making the Titans think the only way THEY could be happy was if Noel was happy, especially if Noel would rather have a quiet and dour self awareness because it was more honest to him then happiness? Yeah, Bumblebee was right. Noel could stay in his room until Easter; Robin wouldn't let it put a damper on the proceedings.

Though Robin was immediately faced with the problem of just how he was going to explain that to Starfire.

"…You know, quite frankly I don't see how you put up with him." Terra said to Raven as an aside.

"…I have my reasons." Raven said, as she remembered Noel's quiet rationale, almost as if he was reading her mind.

"_My problems shouldn't be your problems Raven. I'd like to spend time with you…but I know how you feel around this season, and how hard it is for you to find anything like it during the rest of the year, even with us, or me…and if I hang around, I'll just drag it down. Better you spend it with the rest of the gang, until I either sort this through or until the season's done. I'll be with you in spirit. Because it'll be no fun if I'm with you in person."_

Terra wasn't the first to wonder why Raven stuck by Savior, but she knew. It wasn't because what he'd done for her, or because he was in a way her first love. That made him special, but not to the point where she'd stay in an unhappy situation. She'd spent too many years having to be a blank slate, risked too much to go back to that…and risked too much to settle for such a way to live. If Savior made her unhappy, she'd have left.

But she didn't, because in his own way, despite his moods, he made her happy, because he understood her so well. Her, and himself, and them. Maybe someone like Gar, or Tim, or heck even Nathaniel might have been able to bring her more outright joy in how they felt…but Noel was the one who knew how to keep the embers going when the fire burned down.

So she'd do what he'd asked. For now. Because Raven had a mind of her own too, and she did her own thoughts. For now, they meshed. If otherwise…

Though she did regret not saying something in regards to Savior's last comment. He'd mused that Raven had been right in sensing a disturbance, because look what had happened.

Raven didn't want to sink Savior's mood any lower, so she didn't voice her pondering.

The riot that had occurred hadn't been the cause of her disquiet. No. It was something else entirely…and Raven still didn't know what.

But she'd figure it out later. For now, she was going to spend some time with her friends.

It took about seven minutes, when Beast Boy, Gauntlet, and Speedy were having a contest to see who could burp the loudest, if she wondered if she'd be better off staying with Noel and building a little fort.

* * *

December 13th

Titans Tower was back to normal, somewhat. Savior seemed a bit better, but he was continuing to stay in his room, only leaving to eat and fetch things, as he was indeed doing all the busywork: Aqualad and Bumblebee had knocked on his door and dropped off gifts for other Titans and come back later to find them neatly wrapped outside his door.

Cyborg, on the other hand…

"Victor, we already have all the gifts wrapped! We don't need a gun that does it!" Robin protested, unable to believe that Cyborg didn't get the hint.

"Oh come on man! At least let me show it off!" Cyborg said.

"…Ok, fine. But I'm standing over there." Robin said, as he stood behind Cyborg.

"Ok, sure. Now watch how pretty my Gift-Oh-Wrap makes this average box…!"

* * *

25 seconds later.

Robin finally cut through the last layers of wrapping paper, allowing Speedy to sit up as he gasped for air.

"…Well, on the bright side, if I can't get this to wrap presents, maybe we have a new tool to tie up criminals…" Cyborg said, leaving with his gun, even as Robin fought with Speedy to prevent Speedy from shooting a taser arrow into Cyborg's rear.

* * *

"AUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Came the scream from the kitchen, and then Aqualad ran out.

"Ok, who left the box of fish sticks out…" Sophie said.

* * *

Gauntlet was doing his own fiddling, his with the magical artifact he wore on his arm, as he poked around in it with various tools.

"Hello Friend Gauntlet! What are you doing?" Starfire asked, popping out of nowhere. Gauntlet noted that she had just come from Noel's room and had probably just been attempting to convince him to come out. Savior's expression as he followed her and walked right past them indicated that she hadn't been successful, so Gauntlet decided to nip this in the bud before her confusion lead to unhappiness.

"Simple Star. My gauntlet's energy field is yellow, right? Well, this is ancient tech, surely the Old Ones built all kinds of options into this thing that I'm not aware of…so I'm poking around in it to see if I can turn it red for the season."

Savior walked past them again, carrying a few rolls of wrapping paper.

"…Um, Friend Rob, while I would indeed like to see that, is not poking around an artifact older then most civilizations that you were awarded by sheer chance have a high likelihood of being, what is that human word, hazardous?"

Savior walked by again.

"Oh come on Star! I'm linked to this thing! Surely nothing bad can happen! Any more!" Gauntlet said.

"That was what you said when you located those ruins similar to Stonehenge and attempted to activate them with your gauntlet. To this day, I did not know piled rock structures could scream." Starfire said.

Savior headed back, this time holding a list of something or other.

"Well yes…but I've learned my lesson! I've marked off all the sections I know I can't poke…" Gauntlet said as Savior walked by again. "So as long as I stay out of there, I'll be fine!"

"Are you certain you've found ALL those sections Friend Rob?"

"Well nothing has happened…"

The energy shot out and rammed into…the running figure of Aqualad, sending him smashing through the wall.

"…Yet." Gauntlet said, as Aqualad sat up looking dazed. "Um…hey Aqualad, uh…watch out for our new defense system!"

"The same one that did not touch me before I went past you?" Aqualad said, still dazed as pearls danced around his eyes.

Savior came back, took one look at the damage, and looked at Rob, who tried to hide behind Starfire.

"…Well, at least it wasn't me this time." He commented, and headed off.

Then a chunk of the ceiling, loosened, finally fell off and broke on Noel's head.

"YOU'RE DEAD ROB!"

* * *

Gauntlet lost Savior in the garage and headed back to the main room, where he found Robin and May Y Menos playing games. Gauntlet waited for his turn.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

"Hah. Poor fool. Mas and Menos will starve before they give up a video game controller." Bumblebee said from where she was sitting at the kitchen table with Nigel.

"Hardly a wise decision." Nigel commented, doing paperwork.

"…So…you're a Blacktrinian eh? How's that working out for you?"

"Well besides everyone thinking I'm a monster, kids screaming and running when they see me, my girlfriend's family loathing me, and the fact my race has a death warrant on my head for betraying the empire that treated me like so much flesh to be thrown into the meat grinder of war, pretty damn good overall." Nigel said.

Bumblebee stared.

"On the plus side, you humans have delightful drinks." Nigel said, and took a sip from his.

"…Nigel, that's ketchup."

"I know. It's very tasty."

"Starfire taught you what to eat here, didn't she?"

"However did you know?"

* * *

"Come on Raven!"

"No." Raven said as she closed her door. Terra knocked on it again, and Raven opened it. "Strange, I thought that despite her hair color the girl before me knew not to risk annihilation. I guess I was wrong."

"Come on Rae. I'm wearing one for Gar, Star's wearing one for Robin, and god knows Noel needs to snap out of his funk."

"Tara, there are times and places for wearing Mrs. Claus outfits. Considering their style, what they mean, and what most people expect, absolutely none of them will happen in my lifetime." Raven said, and closed the door again.

"But we already made you one!"

"Give it to Bumblebee!"

"Who's she going to wear it for?"

"Not my problem!"

And then Terra got hit by a snowball.

"THIS JOKE IS NO LONGER FUNNY! STOP IT!"

* * *

December 14th

"Dund dund dund dund, dund dund dund, dund dund dund dund…" Gauntlet hummed to himself, continuing with the _Peanuts_ Christmas as he headed for the main guest rooms.

* * *

"Hey dude, we got your photos back!" Beast Boy said as Cyborg opened his door.

"Really? Awesome! Let's check them out!"

(A minute later)

"…Dude, these REEK!" Beast Boy said, looking at the shots. There was maybe one decent one: the rest were out of focus, zoomed in too close or in the wrong area or not on Cyborg entirely, with fingers in the frame, and so on. "Who TOOK these?"

"You did man." Cyborg said dryly.

"…Oh, right…but come on! I said all the right things!"

"In exchange for doing none." Cyborg said again. Beast Boy sulked. "Hey calm down man, no huge harm. There's still time. We'll just have to take them again."

"You want me to take them again?"

"…Come to think of it, no." Cyborg said.

"Yeah, probably for the best. But then what do we do? Use a static camera?"

"No, that makes the pictures come out drab and lifeless, lacking heart…"

"Well uh…do any of the Titans know how to take pictures?"

"As far as I can tell, the only photos we take with any care are recon photos…but those are mostly taken by Robin. We can't ask him, he'll ask questions."

"Well, who else takes the photos?" Beast Boy asked.

Cyborg started to speak…then paused as a wicked smile crept across his face.

"The guy who's perfect for the job."

* * *

"Oh…yeah." Noel said, not a hint of inflection in his voice, as Cyborg posed before him and he took pictures. "Yeah…that's…good…pout…yeah…"

"Oh come on man! Do it right!" Beast Boy complained.

"Gar, I said I would do my best to take good pictures of Victor. I even said I would not ask just WHY he wants pictures of this sort taken. But I will NOT act like a joygasming model photographer who's most likely hopped up on some kind of illegal substance."

"But…"

"DON'T PUSH IT." Noel said, and went back to taking pictures. "Cyborg adjust your hologram for more water."

Cyborg did so.

"I said WATER, not OIL. Geez." Noel said, but he finished up anyway, and with care. "All right, done. You want me to develop them in our dark room as well?"

"…We have our own dark room?" Beast Boy said.

"Oh YEAH! We do! Forgot about that!" Cyborg said. "Hey, less time and no need for payment, nor a worry the photos will end up on the internet!"

"Somehow I doubt the internet's ready." Savior muttered.

* * *

No one knew how to develop photos, but one Internet download into Cyborg's systems quickly fixed that problem, as the three developed the photos. Well, Cyborg developed them, Savior watched in his 'always learning' way, and Beast Boy hung around because Mas Y Menos were now playing each other on video games and Beast Boy would rather try and disarm a bomb again then try and get the controllers from them.

"…Whoa man! These are great!" Cyborg said, looking at the shots.

"Simple adjustment. When you're trying to take shots from two hundred feet away with a maximum of accuracy, taking still shots of an up close figure isn't so hard." Savior said.

"You kidding? These could be in a magazine! Heck, picture it! Muscleman presents…Cyborg! And…and…" Beast Boy said.

Savior could see the light bulb come on over Beast Boy's head, and he sweatdropped.

* * *

"OH YEAH! THAT'S THE STUFF! DO IT BABY!" Cyborg yelled, as Beast Boy, now in his own skimpy piece of spandex, struck his poses, while Noel took the pictures while wondering how volunteering to do Christmas busywork had landed him in this situation.

"Would you knock it off!" Savior snapped.

"Oh come on man, it's the business."

"Well then, I guess you want to find a scab. Otherwise, quiet." Savior said. Cyborg frowned, but stopped yelling, while Savior continued clicking photos. Gar was in pretty good shape, but he wasn't Arnold Schwarzenegger, and there was also the fact of the fur, which made the poses he was going into far more absurd then sexy, but hey, Tara was his girlfriend, not Noel's. He wasn't going to pass any judgments.

On Gar, anyway. This whole exercise was a different story, as Noel continued clicking photos. Savior wasn't going to condemn cheesecake, but when he was the one stuck taking the pictures, then he was a bit less prone to tolerate the fact that he was snapping shots of a half-naked Beast Boy. I mean, what else…

"Interesting." Gauntlet said. Savior nearly hit the ceiling.

"You know, there are potentially a million things I could say right now, but I think I'll just keep quiet." Gauntlet said in his typical smart ass way.

"Quit making assumptions. I'm just the photographer here. Vic wanted them for some reason he doesn't want to share with us and Gar wants them assumingly for his girlfriend."

"And you're just blithely taking photos of half-naked men."

"Yes. NO!" Savior yelled, noticing the subtext.

"Hey hey, no judgment here." Gauntlet said. "But you won't find me taking part in this! Oh no! That's just degrading!"

"Yeah, I can see how not having anyone to give them to would make you think that way." Savior snarked. Gauntlet frowned, and then decided he'd said enough and left the room.

Savior resumed taking photos, something nagging at him…

And then he realized it. Gauntlet had been carrying an empty sack. Which either meant he was going to put something in it…or he had taken a bunch of stuff OUT of it.

Gauntlet almost got away when Savior caught up to him.

"Ok Gauntlet, what funny stuff did you pull this time?"

"What? Geez Savior, it's not enough being Scrooge, you have to be Howard Hughes as well?" Gauntlet said, trying to look innocent.

"This isn't about…" Savior said, before he realized where he was: the main 'guest wing', so to speak. "Oh God. Did you just prank the guest rooms just to mess with Titans East?"

"Um…"

"God, what are you, five?"

"Noel…"

"Quiet. I'm not going to waste time on you! I'll just fix it myself!" Savior said, and headed into the nearest room.

What followed was the rapid sound of mousetraps, liquid filled balloons, pots and pans, clanging buckets, and general crashing noises, combined with yells and screams.

"Actually, if you'd let me speak up, I was going to say I pranked their rooms to mess with you." Gauntlet said.

The noise ended

"WOOHOOHOO!" Gauntlet whooped in his best Daffy Duck, and ran off.

"YOU ARE DEAD!" Savior bellowed as he gave chase.

* * *

Raven was a bit surprised to see Noel out of his room. She was not surprised to see it was chasing Gauntlet.

"You know, I'd stop this if it wasn't for the fact that Savior's always so happy when he's mad at Rob." She commented. Bumblebee gave her a weird look. "Well, happi-ER."

Gauntlet disappeared, while Savior re-emerged holding a frying pan.

"Where is he? He and the Almighty Frying Pan of Ouch have an appointment."

"I think he went that way." Speedy said half seriously.

"You'd think you've give me better directions, I caught him pranking your room." Savior said as he stalked off.

"WHAT? THAT'S IT!" Speedy yelled, as he grabbed Aqualad and dragged him off. Actually, he spent too much time dragging him off: instead of leaving down the hallway he walked into one of the walls on either side.

"OW! No one saw that!" Speedy yelled, and managed to leave this time.

The whole time, Robin and Starfire had been sitting on the couch, watching.

"It's funny." Robin whispered to his girlfriend. "Even when this kind of crap happens with Noel and Rob, we're still more organized then Speedy's team."

"WHOSE team?" Bumblebee growled, suddenly next to the pair.

"Sigh. The democratically run and organized team of Steel City. You know, it seems to me that when you need more then three words to describe your team leadership, you're in trouble." Robin said.

"Besides, the People's Republic of Titans East wouldn't fit on a comic book cover." Gauntlet said, as he popped up next to the group.

WHAKONK! Noel nailed Rob on the back of the head.

"GOTCHA! I knew you'd stop to mouth off!"

"Owww…" Gauntlet said, collapsing.

"Well, that's my deed for the day. If anyone wants me I'll be in my room." Savior said, tossing down the dented frying pan and walking off.

"Well…he was out of his room for ten minutes today. That's a new record! I think this is progress." Gauntlet said.

"I think that may be a concussion." Robin commented.

"Yeah I got that inkling too." Gauntlet said, and collapsed.

* * *

"So, it's agreed!" Speedy said that night. "Tomorrow, we strike! And then…REVENGE!"

"I still don't see how this is going to work." Aqualad said.

"That's because you spend too much time around fish and not enough time around women! Believe me! It will be glorious!" Speedy cackled.

Aqualad just rolled over and hoped that the night would bring more peace then the day.


	6. Part 6

Part 6

* * *

December 15th

Beast Boy hadn't done much in the day except eat and have Cyborg develop his pictures when it happened.

"CHICO BESTIA, CHICO BESTIA!" May Y Menos yelled as they were suddenly next to the changeling. Beast Boy jumped. What he didn't know was that Gauntlet had finally gotten tired of waiting for May Y Menos to give up their spot on the Gamestation and had simply removed them, holding them off with his shield when they tried to retaliate. Their opponent, Robin, found it more funny then anything, so the twins had gone elsewhere for backup. Though Beast Boy didn't know it, they thought they'd found it.

"Hey there little fast dudes, what's up?"

"Ese pata maldito nos a echo daño, ayudanos a pegarle!"

"Um…what?"

"Come que what? Ayudanos! Que no eres hombre!"

"What's that boy, Terra is stuck down a well?"

"Vete a la miercoles, no some perros, estupido!" The twins yelled, and then Menos kicked Beast Boy in the shin, causing him to yell and hop around while the speedsters zapped off.

"Ow…what the hell?" Beast Boy said.

* * *

Savior was back in his room, wrapping gifts, when he heard a knock on his door. He debated on whether it was Starfire to ask him to rejoin them or Robin finally having had enough of a sad Starfire to drag him back and then went to go see. To his surprise, it was Terra.

"…Yes?" Savior asked.

"Um…" Terra said, and blushed suddenly.

"No, Raven's not in here, so if you want to discuss feminine issues…"

"No no! Not that!" Terra said. "Uh…Gauntlet was blabbing a bit due to the knock on the head you gave him, he said something about…pictures."

Savior had to resist the urge to roll his eyes.

"Well yes, I did take some pictures for Vic and…someone else. The content is their business, not yours."

"No…um…I wanted to know if…you'd take some of me."

Savior blinked.

"I um…have an idea what they are…I thought…the best gifts are the personal ones…"

"And you need me to take them. It is impossible for you to take them yourself."

"Well Noel, the thing is…I can trust you." Terra said. Savior arched an eyebrow. "Robin's too aloof, Scalpel and I have those issues involving his girlfriend, Cyborg wouldn't be able to help himself in leering, Raven will think I'm nuts, Starfire won't understand, and I'm sure as heck not asking Gauntlet or the Titans East men. So…help me Noelly-Wan, you're my only hope."

Silence.

"Ok. I'll take some pictures of you if you promise NEVER to make such a terrible pun again."

"Agreed!"

"I'll get the camera." Savior said, as he shut the door.

And then Terra got hit by a snowball.

"WILL THIS EVER END?"

* * *

As the day led into the afternoon, you would think it impossible that even more craziness awaited.

"But you would be wrong." Said a strange kid who had never appeared before.

**Hey what the…**

_Who let another author into this thing?_

"I can't believe I let you talk me into this."

Speak of the devil.

Aqualad's voice croaked nervously as he watched his would-be best friend fiddle around with a closet in the darkness of a room that wasn't theirs. What was worse, it was Raven's.

"Come on, Phil. We are teenagers! This is what we do." Speedy replied cheerily, ever-alert on his task.

"Stop calling me that." The Atlantian semi-growled. He really should have seen this coming when he refused to give out his real name. It was an Atlantian thing, but of course Speedy hadn't understood that and had immediately dubbed him 'Phil'.

_**Nice cover for your memory slip.**_

_What the…HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE NOW?_

_**Back door's unlocked.**_

"And really, how is this a great prank? I mean, Panty-raiding? Not exactly the most popular hobby around people our age."

Yes, Panty-raiding.

Come on, does it really surprise you from a couple of single teenagers bored out of their mind and aching for some, admittedly strange, revenge?

"That's because it's a well-kept secret." The other retorted good-naturedly. "And besides, it's not lik—JACKPOT!"

And sure enough, Speedy now held a pair of panties high and proud, the perverted expression only a hormonal teenager can muster on his face.

"How very nice for you." Aqualad muttered.

"Come on, live a little!" Speedy responded, caressing the piece of clothing as if it were the secret of the universe. And seeing that he was a guy, it probably was. "Huh. Raven likes hers pink. Who knew?"

"Oi."

* * *

"Arroz con leche, yo quiero tomar, con una señorita the Portugal! Que sepa coser, que sepa cantar, que sepa abrir la puerta para jugar!" Mas y Menos sang, as they ran around in the garage. "Con esta si! Con esta no! Con esta señorita me caso yo!"

_The new author is really abusing the hell out of the fact I can't speak Spanish._

"ARGH! I can't work like this!" Cyborg snapped, closing the T-Car's hood.

"I know: they're so out of tune!" Beast Boy agreed, though he wasn't helping Cyborg as much as he was just leaning back on the front seat, watching him work. The metal hybrid sighed.

"Why are they here anyway?"

"I think they got bored of being unable to get anyone to take back the video games or something." Beast Boy answered, still remembering how they'd kicked him. "Wanna take five, Vic?"

"We don't have much of a choice." Cyborg shrugged as he too sat next to him and watched the twins bounce around.

It got old real quick.

"I'm bored." Cyborg said.

See? SEE?

"I know, me too." Beast Boy replied, watching as the twins played patty-cake five hundred and sixty eight times per second. "Hey, Vic…"

"What is it?"

"…..I bet you I can beat Mas in a race around the Tower."

Cyborg goggled at his best friend with a confused expression.

"Gar, I know you can be fast, but those kids are three steps away from Speed Force."

"If you're so sure, then actually bet on it."

"…Alright then," Cyborg said after a couple of seconds, his eyes gleaming mischievously. "What do we bet?"

"How about… Ten bucks?" Beast Boy grinned.

"You are so on." Cyborg replied with a grin of his own.

"Ok…" Beast Boy turned to the twins. "HEY, MAS! I challenge you to a race around the tower!"

The twins looked at him for a few seconds, then shrugged and ran up to him in what would have to be calculated in a new form of time measurement.

"Ah, ah, ah." Beast Boy said with a smile. "I said I challenge MAS to a race around the Tower."

The speedsters froze as Cyborg's eyes widened.

"You sneaky little sonuvagun." He finally commented.

"I do my best."

* * *

"Lean in." Savior suggested. Terra may have wanted to model, but she didn't have much of an idea on how to do it. Not to mention she was so thin that it bothered Noel. An attractive girl in a swimsuit was more fun to photograph then two muscleheads trying to win a nonexistent bodybuilding contest, but not when she was one step away from being an African famine victim. Well, that was an exaggeration, but Savior could see her ribs if he looked close enough.

"I know, I know. I can't help it." Terra said, as she did another pose. "I've tried to put on weight. It just won't stick. And I can't really build muscle either. This is just the way I am."

"More astute then I give you credit for, Tara." Savior said, as he snapped shots.

"I may be blonde, but that doesn't always mean something." Terra replied. "You may want to hurry up, lest Raven catch you."

"She never comes in this area. It's calm. There shouldn't be any trouble." Savior said.

Famous last words. Again.

* * *

"This is not fair, Gar!" Cyborg growled as he watched the green changeling get behind the starting line alongside Mas. Menos sat next to Cyborg, looking disgruntled.

"Au contraire, my friend." Beast Boy replied with another smile. "I specifically said 'MAS' not 'Mas Y Menos'. I recorded if you want evidence. Or are you backing out?"

"Dream on!" Cyborg snapped.

"Ok then. Start the countdown."

For a minute, Cyborg did consider backing out. But hey, he's too proud.

"Ready… Set… **GO!**"

For someone with such short legs, Mas proved to be amazingly fast. Maybe his speed talent was starting to develop on his own with age. But without Menos, he was quickly left in the dust by a green cheetah making screeching noises that sounded suspiciously like laughter.

Cyborg watched them go and knew Mas didn't have a chance. Then he turned to his brother.

"You know what this means, don't you?"

"Si! Tenemos que hacer trampa para ganarle a ese idiota!" Menos cried.

"Well, I wouldn't call it cheating!" Cyborg protested playfully. "Just evening the odds a bit."

And with that, they took off after them.

* * *

And then a snowball hit Terra!

"ACK! WHY GOD, WHY!"

"Where the heck did that come from?" Savior said, looking around. "And what's that loud, running noise?"

* * *

"Are you done yet, Nath?" Aqualad asked, more annoyed than nervous now.

"No!" Speedy cried. "Why don't you join me? It's soft! And smells nice too!" The teen said. Aqualad looked freaked.

"Are you _sure _you aren't actually a perverted old man with really good plastic surgery?" He asked.

"There's nothing weird about this! What's weird is that you are not joining me!" Speedy said indignantly. "Are you sure you're not gay?"

"That's it, I'm out of here."

"Wait! You still haven't seen the last steps of our revenge!"

"Oh? What's that? Are we going to borrow some shampoo too?"

"No! We are framing Gauntlet!" Speedy grinned. "That'd teach him to make me accidentally explode my own arrows in my face! And be able to drink more Pepsi!"

"And here I thought this was just mindless teenage hormones." Aqualad commented, half serious, half cynical.

"As if." Speedy replied. "Vengeance shall be mine!"

"And just how are you going to frame Robert for this?"

"Well, I'll just leave this T-shirt of his here, I took it while he slept. The girls all think he's a pervert anyway since he doesn't have a girl on the team or any apparent prospects, so they'd instantly think he did something."

"…Ok, yeah, I'm aware that he doesn't act like the brightest Titan in here…" Aqualad started. "But even Savior admits that he's no idiot. He's just very good at acting like one. Do you really think he will just leave a shirt for anyone to see?"

"Well… There's the chance that he was in a hurry! …Or something." Speedy replied lamely.

"They'd never buy it, Nath." Aqualad said.

"Yes. Robert is too smart for that, and so are we."

"Ah, what do you guys know, you are… just…" Speedy froze as he realized the last person that had been spoken had not been by Aqualad.

Almost too scared to, he turned around.

"Hello, boys." Raven said, with Starfire next to her. How long they had been here, Speedy did not know.

But considering both their eyes spelled murder, it had probably been quite a while.

"Hmm… Raven! What a coincidence! I was just trying to give you… your… dry-cleaning?" The archer invented wildly.

He could tell they didn't buy it.

* * *

Beast Boy made a wild turn on the corner and kept going, already halfway through the path he was supposed to take. He was going to win this one! He was going to get his prize!

Never mind that ten bucks is not exactly the best reward you can get, but hey, guys are competitive among other things… Such as mindless perverts like a certain archer who was now also running, except in his case it was for his life.

Nevertheless, Beast Boy felt happy.

Until he smelled it.

The green cheetah stopped on mid-run and followed his nose and found what had gotten his attention: Small little plants with blue upside-down hearts on the ground next to him.

Catnip.

He also saw Cyborg and Menos standing next to the small plants, waving happily.

Beast Boy had time to cast them a look that clearly said 'YOU. BASTARDS.' before rushing to the little plants and rolling around in them with a wild expression.

"Oh yes…" The cheetah purred. "Oh yes… Oh yes! OH YES! _OH YESSS!_ **OOOOOOOOOOHH _YESSSS!_**"

"Uh…" Cyborg said as he, Menos and Mas could do nothing but stare at this peculiar sight. "Maybe using a natural feline aphrodisiac to distract him was not such a good idea…"

"Si." Mas y Menos agreed. Then Cyborg noticed Mas.

"Hey! What are you doing here! The only reason we did this traumatizing strategy that will likely get Legend Maker to kill Prisionero was to give you a fair chance to win!"

_Aha! The intruder's name is revealed!_

_**Oh crud.**_

**Hey you, get back here!**

"No se," Menos started, "Fue la idea de Legend Maker de usar nébeda en el primer lugar."

_Crum-pong!_

"Mas, quickly! Use that hole caused by the collapsed fourth wall as a shortcut!" Cyborg commanded, pointing to indeed such a hole.

"Ai voy!" Mas cried and started running, careful to avoid the still joyful Beast Boy.

"Well, Menos. It looks like your brother might just win this thing after all." Cyborg said happily.

"Si! Somos los campeones! Nadie nos gana corriendo! Ustedes, pobres mortals nunca van a alcanzar nuestro poder! RINDANSE A NUESTROS PIES Y QUIZA NO LOS MATAMO—ACK!"

Menos found himself blow off his feet as Beast Boy ran past him at very high speeds.

"What the--!" Cyborg started, before realizing he was now looking at a green ostrich.

And the green ostrich, who aside from not being affected by catnip as a feline would, was also quickly shortening the gap Mas had put between the two.

"DAMNIT!" Cyborg roared, arming his sonic cannon. "THAT'S IT! NO MORE POWERS, BOTH SIDES! YOU ARE PLAYING FAIR OR NOT AT ALL!"

Then he fired.

* * *

The racers, Mas and Beast Boy being the official ones and Menos and Cyborg being the official saboteurs, thundered past the door to the isolated room. A few seconds later, Savior opened it and peered out, as Terra came up behind him, holding a towel to herself. Savior glanced behind him.

"Now THAT…could look bad." Savior said. "Get dressed and drop the camera off at the dark room, I'm going to go check this out." Savior said, as he closed the door behind him. He may have been attempting isolation, but that didn't mean he was going to sit around while his crazy teammates burned the Tower down around his ears.

* * *

Aqualad and Speed probably would have preferred that.

"RUN, PHIL! MOVE THOSE LITTLE FEET!" Speedy said as he made it around the corner, looking seriously frightened.

Seconds later, Aqualad made it around the corner as well.

"THAT'S NOT MY NAME! AND LITTLE? I'm a size ten!" He protested, but looked as scared as his companion. "AND WHY ARE THEY CHASING ME? You are the one who was looking at their private clothing!"

"Guilty by association!" Speedy snapped back, and then saw them. "Oh crap… FASTER!"

Raven flew around the corner with a very malevolent expression on her face: she actually resembled her father a bit. Starfire came soon after, looking equally maleficent. After her came Bumblebee and finally Sophie; whose expressions were pretty much the same.

Where the hell had the other two come from, Speedy didn't know. It was like women had this strange and unholy mean of communication in which they could tell each other everything needed to punish males.

(Trust me, they probably do.)

"WHAT NOW?" Aqualad asked, speeding up his pace so that now he was right next to Speedy, whose namesake was apt. "THEY ARE GAINING!"

"I'm thinking, I'm thinking!" Speedy said, taking out an arrow from somewhere on his uniform.

"What's that for?" Aqualad asked.

"What do you think? I'm gonna shoot it at them!"

"ARE YOU INSANE? They're our teammates! I don't want to hurt them!"

"THEY WANT TO KILL US!"

"That's your fault! You were grabbing their underwear! We are not shooting them!"

"Fine! But I'm holding on to this!" Speedy signaled to the arrow. "It's not like I was really going to shoot them! Just the ceiling, to slow them down or something!"

"The main room is after that door, we can hide in there! They wouldn't want to risk damaging the tree!" Aqualad said.

"Good idea!"

"**_KILL…_**" Came the voice of the girls.

Silence as both teens paled.

"…Pick up the pace!"

* * *

Beast Boy now ran neck to neck with Mas, having been forced to race in human form after Cyborg almost roasted him with his cannon. And damn, was this kid faster than he looked. Maybe he _did _conserve some of his speed even after he separated from his brother.

"Voy a ganar! Voy a ganar! Voy a ganar! Voy a ganar! Voy a ganar!" Mas repeated over and over. And his cardiovascular conditioning was superb in the fact he could keep yelling that without losing a breath.

"Shut up!" Beast Boy said as he attempted to transform into a rabbit.

The sonic cannon only missed him because the shooter had intended it that way.

"We are still behind you!" Cyborg cried, indeed no more than ten feet behind them with Menos standing on his shoulder.

"Damnit all!" Beastboy protested, as he continued to run as a human.

The main room was next, he would transform into a cheetah again there. Cyborg wouldn't dare shoot in case he hit the Christmas tree.

"Voy a ganar, voy a ganar, voy a ganar!" Mas chanted.

"No you are not!" Beastboy snapped with a triumphant tone, reaching for the door. "_I'm _going to win!"

Beast Boy swung for the door, opened it, and charged in as he began to transform…

And came face-to-face with Speedy and Aqualad.

CRASH!

* * *

All four teens rolled around in the room wildly before collapsing against the wall.

"Ow…" Beast Boy complained, looking at the two East Titans. "Speedy! Aqualad! What the hell?"

"Que paso?" Mas asked, stars blurring his vision.

"What the heck?" Aqualad asked Beast Boy. "You crashed into us!"

"Yeah, and _my _head crashed into the wall, not yours!" Speedy groaned, and then noticed something missing. "Hey, where's my arrow?"

"And what's that beeping?" Beastboy asked.

Silence.

"…Oh crud." Speedy gulped before jerking up. "THE ARROW! Where's the arrow?"

"There!" Beast Boy said. "Get rid of it!"

Mas reacted without thought, running up, grabbing the arrow, and throwing it away.

"Yeah! Nice job little…wait a minute where did it go now?" Beast Boy said.

All four teens looked around wildly. And they all spotted it at once.

"**IT'S IN THE TREE!**" They cried in unison, reaching for it.

Too late.

BOOM!

* * *

And up in the corner, Gauntlet chuckled as he watched, a video camera in hand as he filmed the chaos…at least until the tree caught on fire and the shockwave knocked him down from the ceiling, even as it knocked the four boys over.

"Oh no!" Beast Boy cried, as he got a brief look at the tree, fire consuming it, before the smoke bloomed out and consumed the group, causing them to start coughing and gagging

"El arbol! Los regalos!"

"This is bad… This is _very _bad…" Aqualad said.

"Actually, it's wonderful." Gauntlet said as he popped down, his extension forming a fan that waved away the smoke. "Great job boys! You all played your role to perfection!"

"Played our…wait a minute…YOU PRANKED OUR ROOMS TO GET US TO COUNTER SO WE COULD JUST FALL FOR YOUR SCHEME AGAIN?" Speedy yelled.

"Hey, I'm the master." Gauntlet said. "You just don't mess."

And then the fire sprinklers turned on, drenching the whole room in water.

"Damnit!" Speedy swore. "The tree! The gifts! They are ruined! Oh now they are gonna kill me more than before! Argh, this sucks!"

"Eh, I'm not worried. All the gifts I requested are waterproof, or more precisely, come in waterproof countainers." Gauntlet said.

"Uh…Rob…I kinda swapped all the waterproof containers with Tupperware." Beast Boy said.

"…OUR GIFTS!" Gauntlet shrieked, turning around to leap at the remains of the tree, even as the sprinklers shut off, showing a charred wreck that had once been the tree…and no gifts. Not that they were all destroyed. They just weren't there. At all.

"What the hell happened here! What happened to the tree! What the…!" Robin's voice yelled as he ran into the room, followed by Scalpel and a now dressed Terra.

As Savior slipped down from the corner, one strand carrying him down while the rest of the Shimmer formed a tightly weaved sack. He hit the floor and unwound the sack, revealing the presents, some a bit scorched and soggy but all of them ok

"…The presents! He saved the presents!" Gauntlet cheered, as Mas did a little celebration dance…and stopped when they caught Robin's eye. He did not look happy.

"Please tell me you had a reason for this." He growled, looking like fighting a very strong murderous urge. "Please tell me it had more to do then some stupid little contest…"

"Uh…" Beast Boy stammered.

"HOLY CRAP!"

They all turned to see Cyborg and Menos in the doorway.

"What the hell happened here?" He asked the others.

"These two came that way, the others that way, they crashed, arrow went flying, ka-boom." Savior explained dryly.

"…AW, DAMNIT!" Cyborg slapped his forehead.

"Nice time for you to be out of your room." Scalpel said. "Realized we need you more then hermitdom does?"

Savior gave a blank look.

"…The packaging on these are a bit damaged…I'm going back to my room. I'll fix them up there…and then bring them back here." Savior said. "If necessary I'll wrap them in Kevlar." He added as he left the room.

"Guess he's still enamored with four walls and a bed." Terra said.

"Ok…I have to know…HOW?" Speedy said, as he turned to Gauntlet. He shrugged.

"Simple. I moved the recording devices from Bumblebee's room to yours. I knew that after you found out I pranked them to get Savior that you would be up to something. Besides, it could have been good blackmail material later. Actually, it was mostly the latter: five bucks and I'll make sure nobody finds out about the you-know-what you keep under your bed." Gauntlet said.

Speedy stared for a second, as Gauntlet gestured. A few seconds later, Speedy was handing over five dollars. Gauntlet examined the bill as Speedy turned to Aqualad.

"Well, it's official, this has hit the all time low of our careers."

"And it's still going down." Raven said.

Speedy suddenly remembered the horrible reason why he had been running in the first place. The young archer gulped as all the girls closed in, leaving no space to run.

In the end, the beating was much less severe than he had feared. Though it doesn't mean it didn't hurt like hell. As the pounding continued, we panned away from the Titans to see our narrators. Charlie and Dickens were now standing with a new companion, a young kid who looked a bit anorexic, with spiky hair and a sleeveless black tee over baggy blue jeans and white sneakers.

"I'm gonna hurt you." Charlie commented.

"Hey, like Menos said. The catnip thing was _your _idea." Prisionero, as this kid went by, replied with a smile.

"You know, he _is _right." Dickens said, looking as amused as Prisionero. "I thought it was funny."

Charlie rolled her eyes.

"Men…"

"Guys! This is the perfect time to use my new and improved Tinsel-Zooka, Christmas Ball Launcher, Snow Storm Cannon, and Star Placer to repair the damage done by Speedy's arrow!" Cyborg announced happily, holding up the machines.

* * *

Five seconds later, Cyborg found himself thrown out of the tower for a couple of hours.

"IT WAS JUST A SUGGESTION!"


	7. Part 7

Part 7

* * *

December 16th

"Ok Noel, this has gone on long enough." Gauntlet said. With the new day, several Titans had gone in search of a new tree, while Speedy and Aqualad cleaned up the main room as punishment (the fact that it was just them cleaning up considering Beast Boy and Mas had been involved too was mostly because of the girl's threats). Savior, of course, was back in his room, repairing the presents.

"Gauntlet, unless you have something for me to do in constructive terms, please go away. I've made up my mind."

"Argh. Noel, let me ask you some questions. First, would you agree that it is a good thing to be happy?"

"Yes…"

"All right then. Now, if happiness is a good thing, i.e virtue, and it's a good thing to inspire virtue in others, then it's a good thing to make others happy. Can you grant this?"

"What's your point Socrates?"

Gauntlet slammed his hands on Savior's desk.

"BE SAD ON YOUR OWN TIME OR ELSE I'LL SHOOT YOU WITH CYBORG'S TINSEL-ZOOKA!"

"Rob, this _is_ my own time. I'm dating the empath, remember? I know how I affect others, hence I am staying in my room and avoiding you guys. This is for YOUR sakes."

"That's not all of it you know. To explain this, I have prepared a chart." Gauntlet said, as he pulled out his magical stand again and produced a map of Titans Tower.

"This is the tower, as seen from above. Now this…" Gauntlet said, as he drew on the map in black marker. "Is your room. Now, in essence, the knowledge that you're sitting in here in your funk is drawing the happiness out of us…" Gauntlet said as he drew lines from the other rooms towards Noel's. "…into an inescapable vortex of unhappiness."

"Your point being?"

"Please, at least try and maintain appearances." Gauntlet said.

"Ok." Savior replied, and smiled.

If a slug and an elephant had an offspring, if someone mashed together lead and gold atoms, if the human female sexual organ switched to the ear canal, it would have been more natural then the smile that had appeared on Savior's face.

"….Never mind." Rob said, and shuddered visibly as he headed for the exit.

"Leave anything you want done outside my door." Savior said.

Gauntlet headed for the main room, where Speedy and Aqualad were finishing up, being watched by Starfire, who was doodling on a large sheet of paper. Gauntlet walked over: more plans for finding Santa.

"Still hunting for good old Saint Nick huh?" Gauntlet commented.

"Yep!" Starfire said, grinning. Speedy rolled his eyes.

"Hmmm. You know he's really hard to catch…like, he's like 17 leprechauns or something."

"I feel this is the year!"

"I feel it's not. If you really want to spend your time well Star, you should help me set out my Jump City Monster traps."

"…Wait, what?" Speedy said.

"My traps!" Gauntlet said, as if it were perfectly normal. "One day I'll catch Jumpy…a remnant from the Paleozoic, he's a sea creature of immense size that somehow has the ability to make cameras malfunction and can fool most radar systems."

Speedy stared, wondering if he was being set up again…and then realizing even Gauntlet couldn't fake that fevered look in his eyes.

"But…I feel lucky." Gauntlet said, and then ran over and threw open the window. "YOU HEAR THAT JUMPY? YOUR PLESIOSAUR ASS IS MINE!"

"…Gauntlet, pelycosaurs have been extinct for millions of years." Aqualad said.

"Yes, duh, PELYCOSAURS, one of the earliest groups of mammal-like reptiles, the most famous member of which is Dimetrodon, are extinct. I'm talking about plesiosaurs, the ancient aquatic reptiles with long necks."

"…Why would you want to see something like that? Those are common where I come from." Aqualad said.

Starfire then got to witness a truly rare sight: Gauntlet facevaulting.

"They are?"

"Yes! If you want to catch something unique, you should set out snipe traps."

"Snipes?"

"Oh yeah. They're gigantic, flesh eating fish…except they really only eat peanut butter sandwiches though. You'd better go make a couple of dozen." Aqualad said. Much to Speedy's surprise, Gauntlet did not reply, instead running off excitedly.

"…Heh. Nice work man. I'd have never thought you had it in you." Speedy said, as he tried to give Aqualad a high five.

"Excuse me?" Aqualad said. Speedy stopped.

"Oh come on man. Snipes? That's a classic prank! I'm amazed he fell for it!"

"What prank? Do you have any idea how tasty snipes are? Especially in Teriyaki sauce?"

This time, it was the far more common sight of Speedy facevaulting.

* * *

And Savior had thought he felt ridiculous before.

"I can't believe I'm doing this." He muttered.

"Vaya con huevos!" Mas Y Menos said, as they posed. Thankfully, they were fully clothed. But they were just as ridiculous. Savior had thought they wanted to send a few photos home to their family…which they did, and hence had simply sat like good little boys in a serious way…but it turned out they wanted a bunch of other pictures too, in far more absurd poses that Savior had been seeing a lot lately. Why they wanted the pictures for was unknown, though Savior had a feeling it involved the Titan females.

"Get closer together, this camera doesn't have a wide angle lense." Savior said. "Oh man, before this is done I swear I'm going to be arrested for child pornography…"

"No me gusta el queso de hombro!"

**I wonder what the Spanish speakers are thinking about now.**

_Apparently not the fact that the joke half the time is that whatever May Y Menos are saying has nothing to do with the scene._

"Tienes huevos en tus pantalones? QUE MALO!"

_See?_

"Ok, done, do you…"

"Cuadros!" The twins yelled, having grabbed the camera away before Savior could blink.

"Hey wait! No no! That's not a Polaroid or digital camera! No stop that, you'll expose the film! I am not doing this again! Hey careful, that camera's expensive!"

* * *

"Hey Aqualad, before we go hunt for those snipes, I have a question." Gauntlet said.

"Ok?"

"I tried to ask Aquaman during the last crossover, but we were sort of busy fighting that giant mind controlling starfish thing…y'know, that whachamacallit?"

"Starro?"

"Yeah, that's it. We tried to call you, but all we got was Bumblebee screaming about something."

"Yeah, she's like that a lot."

"Tell me about it. Anyway, my question is this. You are offended by the sight and the consumption of dead fish. Ok, I can understand that. But I asked a friend of mine who's a biologist about this, and he assured me that since Atlantis is at the bottom of the ocean, no light would penetrate far enough for significant photosynthesis to occur. Therefore, you couldn't be eating plants. And the human/merman physiology is not designed for straining things out of the water like whales. So, do you guys just not eat fish, or is it more how humans prepare the fish?"

Silence.

"I…um…that is…you know, I'm not sure." Aqualad said. "I…I lived there my entire life, but for the life of me I can't remember what we ate except for fish…but that means…uh…uh." Aqualad said.

"I'm glad we had this talk."

Silence again.

And then a small pink elf walked on screen and bashed Gauntlet on the head.

"OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!"

"You just ruined the ONLY good joke about Aqualad that isn't a variation on 'Aquaman sucks'!" Charlie said, and stormed off.

* * *

"Well, unfortunately, the consequences of burning our tree in an area where pine doesn't grow naturally means that all the trees have been sold already." Robin said. All the Titans groaned. "I'll see what I can do in terms of replacing it, but let this be a lesson in randomly deciding on doing something crazy! Since this is a problem, does anyone have a suggestion?"

"Oh oh, I know, I know!" Beast Boy said, as he ran off…and came back with a sickly skeletal mini-pine.

"…My lord, even I wasn't bold enough to touch that cliché." Gauntlet said.

"You want to use THAT as our tree?" Bumblebee said.

"It may be small, but all it needs is a little love!" Beast Boy declared, as he put a Christmas ornament on it.

The tree promptly crumbled into rotten wood fragments.

"…DAMN YOU RANDOM INTERJECTIONS OF REALISM!" Beast Boy yelled.

* * *

December 17th

"While the Titans have lost their tree, they have not lost their spirits. And I'm beginning to wonder if we're losing the readers: how long have we been rambling on like this anyway?" Dickens said as he stood by the presents.

KLONK!

"But for all their celebration, an absence continued to stand out." Charlie said, dropping the present she'd hit Dickens over the head with "Therefore, the Titans began to come up with a plan."

Stars dancing around Dickens' eyes, he sat up.

"Ugghhhh…why is one of the Titans giving someone else an anvil?"

* * *

"This has gone on long enough." Robin said. "Since we can't find a tree, and the shopping is done, and we need to avoid any more tomfoolery…"

"Tomfoolery?" Bumblebee said to herself.

"Here's the plan: we are getting Savior out of his damn room and out of his damn Scrooge/Cratchett fusion performance!"

"Here here." Beast Boy said.

"Now…how are we going to do that?"

"Just drag him out?" Bumblebee suggested.

"No, that won't work. He might join us but he'll, as he said, drag us all down. We need a way to change his mind…that's never easy."

"Aha! I've got it!" Gauntlet said. "We need…A MONTAGE!"

(Music starts up)

"Yes! A montage! That never fails!" Dickens said, as the Titans danced behind them.

"Unfortunately since the site has banned copyrighted songs we can't show the appropriate parody song." Charlie said. Dickens facevaulted.

"What about the Christmas carols?"

"Those are almost always public domain. Those are allowed."

"Oh…so what do we do. Just stand here until the montage is done?"

"Pretty much."

The two stood there.

And some more.

And some more.

And some…

"Oh forget this!" Dickens said as he produced a big sheath of paper labeled THE SCRIPT and pulled out a pencil. "I'll just erase until the end!"

"Be careful you don't…"

* * *

The Titans watched in horror as the shadow of the giant turkey leaned over them…

_Too far! Go back! Go back!

* * *

_

"Oh yes…" The cheetah purred. "Oh yes… Oh yes! OH YES! _OH YESSS!_ **OOOOOOOOOOHH _YESSSS!_**"

_That's too far back! Go forward! GO FORWARD!

* * *

_

"TURKEY!"

"HAM!"

"TURKEY!"

"HAM!"

"TURKEY"

"HAM!"

_That's LAST year's Christmas story!

* * *

_

"Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat. Please put a penny in an old man's hat…" Dan said as he hopped through the open door. "If you haven't got a penny, a half-penny will do…" The keys were still in the ignition. "If you haven't got a half-penny, god bless you..."

_Argh! Now we've completely left the Titans fandom! Let me do it! To the end!

* * *

_

The Titans starred at Noel's heavily padlocked and chained door, now with a big GO AWAY sign on it.

"Wow, I think we actually made it worse."

* * *

"So what is this now? The last person I'd expect? Or were you the only one who could get in?" Savior said to Sophie, who had turned into a flock of bats and flown in through the air vents.

"Of course not! I don't care! Nigel asked me to help, but you clearly don't want help!" Sophie blurted. "Stay in here and be a sourpuss! We'll all have plenty of fun without you!"

"Good to know." Savior said, putting stamps on Christmas cards and almost outright annoying Sophie, which flustered her even more.

"…Fine! I always knew you were too weak to get past the things that mattered!"

Savior gave Sophie one of his looks.

"My young lady, the last two people who tried to use reverse psychology on me are currently pushing up daisies."

Sophie gasped.

"You KILLED them?"

"No, they just got lousy jobs." Savior replied.

"Ohhhhhhhhh! Fine! Stay in here, with your sulking and your chores and that depraved, perverted photo album I heard you were working on!"

"If you want some shots for Nigel, Sophie, all you had to do was ask." Noel replied. Sophie blushed furiously.

"How dare you! You think I have time for something like that? I have my own stuff! Do you know how much pre-cooking is needed for this year? I have to get ready to baste the turkey, fix the potatoes, make the first batch of stuffing, and do all of Tara's chores because she's hiding in her room ranting about snowballs!"

"It's three for a quarter."

"I'll be there at six." Sophie said, and left the room.

* * *

And Terra got hit by a snowball!

"Hah! I was ready that time!" Terra said, wearing a biohazard suit.

* * *

December 20th

"While the Titan Savior later took the chains off his door, he…wait a minute, I think we have a typo." Dickens said, pointing up.

"No, that's the right date." Charlie replied.

"…The 20th? What happened to the 18th and 19th?"

"…It was a really long montage."

Dickens facevaulted.

"Anyway, enough about the Titan Savior for now. For Christmas is a time celebrated by the whole superhero community…"

* * *

"Mail call." Raven said, bringing in the mail and placing it on the table, as various Titans rummaged through it.

"Oh boy, it's a letter from the Justice League!" Beast Boy said, grabbing it up, at least before Robin took it. "I bet it's their gift for us!"

Robin opened it.

"Dear Teen Titans. Due to budget constraints, we will not be exchanging gifts this year. Signed, Superman." Robin read.

Silence, as the Titans gaped.

"…But…but but…we already mailed them marble statues of themselves carved by Leonardo Da Vinci!" Beast Boy sputtered.

"Best use of the Chromoton Destabilizer ever." Cyborg said as an aside.

"There must be something!" Beast Boy said, as he grabbed the envelope. "Even if it's just a lottery ticket…or…nothing. There's nothing."

"If I didn't know better, I would say Superman is a dick." Raven said dryly.

"Well great. The trouble we go to…! I hope that for them we didn't mess up the time-space continuum…" Cyborg said, and then realized one of his hands had been replaced by an electronic egg beater. "Oh dear."

* * *

"All right, I think we have the gift-giving all fully organized with all possible pranks removed…" J'onn J'onnz said, as he reached into a sack of cookies and ate another Oreo. "And there do not appear to be any major problems happening on Earth, let us hope it continues that way…" J'onn said, as he ate another Oreo. "Are there any more requests for leave?"

"No, we have that organized too." Wonder Woman said, as J'onn ate another Oreo.

"Blue Beetle and Booster Gold are under surveillance?" J'onn said, as he ate another Oreo.

"Like hawks." Batman said.

"Very well then. Then I suppose the last detail before we adjourn for Christmas holidays is…" J'onn said as he reached for another Oreo…and found the bag empty. "Oh dear, I am out of Oreos. Where is another bag?"

"I think that's the last one man. We haven't had any time to restock the supplies this month." John Stewart said.

"…There are no more Oreos." J'onn said.

"Yes, but relax, we'll have some more in a few hours…"

* * *

Vigilante, Vibe, Aztek, and Dr. Light II saw something they never thought they'd ever see: the original members of the Justice League running for their lives.

"Quick! Someone activate the teleporter and find a supermarket!" Superman yelled.

"OORRREEEEOOOOOOSSSSSS!" Came a bellow, and then a drastically pumped up J'onn, in the alien equivalent of roid rage (cookie rage?) leapt into the room. "MARS NEEDS OREEEEOOOOOS!"

"Hey Orion, remember when you asked me to explain the English expression 'Expect the unexpected?'" Mister Miracle said to his fellow New God. "Well, that's-OW!" Mister Miracle yelled as he was hit in the chest with a thrown chair.

"ORRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS!"

* * *

"Eh, no matter. May the Justice League have a merry Christmas anyway." Raven said.

"...You looked way too saitisfied when you said that." Beast Boy said.


	8. Part 8

Part 8

* * *

December 21st

Savior may have volunteered to do all the busywork for the Titans, but Robin was tired of just letting him sit there and do it, and hence he had found a doozy of a task for him: answering Robin's e-mail, which was backlogged to the extreme.

Savior didn't mind: the Shimmer never got tired and he had vitriol and nasty witticisms to burn.

"Dear Faggot. What is your Bottom Ten? From someone who knows you all suck." Savior read, and then with a snort he reached for the backspace button. "Aw man, they filled this with typos. They forgot this…" Savior said as he erased the 'Faggot' part of the email and began typing in a new line

**Dear Robin…**

"And this…"

**Dear Robin The Ultimate Asskicker…**

"And this is all wrong…"

**From someone who wouldn't know crap if it was in their pants…**

"Ok buddy, you asked a question, I'll answer it then." Savior spoke out loud as he typed. Why? Because he wanted to, despite being the only one in the room. "Here is MY Bottom Ten, as follows."

"Number 10: Superhero costumes designed by amateurs. You will never see such a clashing mess of colors, and such a tragic waste of…not-body armor."

"Number 9 is that painting that's been in Raven's closet ever since…well since she let me in her room anyway…"

* * *

"Noel, could you get me my cloak?" Raven called from the shower.

"On it." Noel replied as he slid open the closet…and came face to face with a freaky stone gargoyle painting.

"JOIN US." It growled.

"Ahhhh!" Noel said, slamming the door. "Ayuhhyuyuhyuhuggggghhhhhhhhhh!" He continued, shuddering and generally acting disturbed.

* * *

"On a related note, the Jibblies currently occupies Slot No 11 on my Bottom 10."

"No 8 is one everyone should pay attention to: emails that have more then one FWD or RE in the subject line…"

* * *

"I answer this email, because I have nothing better to do!" Noel hummed to himself, as he clicked it open.

Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re… Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re…

"Oh great. Lemme guess…"

Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re… Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re… Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re…

"Yeah yeah I know. It's true, you saw it on the news! Or, sounds crazy, but thought it was worth a SHOOOOOT!"

* * *

"Yeah, a shot in the face maybe!…Hey, why was I answering THAT email…anyway, No 7 is something that just keeps happening: people taking classic songs and having other people sing them, who shouldn't be singing them!"

* * *

THIS IS A LIMITED TIME OFFER! THE 8 AND UNDER TANBERNACLE CHOIR OF THE ROCKIES, PERFORMS THE HITS OF THE RAMONES!

ACT NOW, AND YOU CAN GET THIS AMAZING CD OF HAMSTERS FARTING THE MUSIC OF BACH!

MILLI VINNILLI: SURELY YOU'VE FORGOTTEN BY NOW!

* * *

"I don't. Anyway…"

"No 6. The foul stench…of wet Beast Boy."

* * *

Somewhere, Beast Boy sneezed.

* * *

"No 5…um...not…Sophie. No. She's a nice girl. And she cooks well. She's great."

"No 4. There was this one time when I had to hug a tree…"

* * *

"Keep on hugging it!" Gauntlet said.

"How did you get me to do this in the first place?" Savior asked, his arms around the trunk of the oak.

"Hug it! Hug it!"

"And why do I continue to do it?" Savior said.

"Hug it! Keep on hugging!"

"I don't even like this tree that much!"

* * *

"Ok, continuing on. No 3 is the trend of giving chocolate deserts ridiculous names. Like 'Chocardiac Arrest'! Or, 'This Brownie Might Kill You!' Or perhaps the least unappetizing name I have ever heard… 'Choconeumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanooniosis!' Who pays these people…"

"No 2 is people who take, wholesale, comedy bits from other sources such as Monty Python, or The Office, or I don't know, internet cartoons or something, and attempt to pass it off as their own humor! It's even worse if they remove a few bits and insert their own in a feeble attempt to disguise their plagiarism! Those people are the scum of the earth…"

"And No 1 on my Bottom 10 ten…"

"Hey S." Bumblebee said, suddenly next to the Titan. Savior nearly hit the ceiling.

"Don't do that Karen. People knock for a reason. " Savior said. "You want me to do something?"

"Yeah. I have my own bottom…"

"Oh for the love of, I'm not going to type out your bottom ten!"

"Not my bottom ten. My bottom. I heard you're taking…special pictures." Bumblebee said. Savior rolled his eyes: do someone one favor and suddenly you're transformed into a burlesque photographer.

"Fine fine." Savior said, closing his laptop as he headed over to get his camera. "Where do you want to go, I'll…" Savior's words cut off as he turned around and found Bumblebee was already undressing in front of him. She was wearing a bikini, of course…but it wasn't much of one. Especially in the back.

"…You know, you should be careful with suits like that. Can lead to infection." Savior commented.

"Yeah yeah yeah." Bumblebee said as she hopped on Noel's bed. Noel did a double take again. "Shoot me! Before I change my mind!"

_More like before you lose your nerve_. Savior thought, sighed, and began taking pictures. He would have much preferred to do this in his controlled environment, not his room, where he had to shoot around his personal possessions. At least he didn't have to give Bumblebee instructions: she knew just how she wanted to pose. Savior wondered who she wanted the photos for…and decided he'd rather not know.

"All right Karen, we're down to only a few shots, so unless you want another roll and more costs you better make the most of them." Savior said. Bumblebee responded by striking a VERY provocative pose, one that even raised Noel's dander, just a tad.

"Well, girl knows what she wants." Savior said, as he clicked off another photo. "Now…"

"Noel." Raven said as she walked into Savior's room, not knocking because she never did. "Mas Y Menos ran by some gifts too fast, their wrapping paper needs to be re…place…" Raven said as she stopped dead, staring at the nearly naked Bumblebee posing on Noel's bed, and Noel with a camera.

Noel blinked as he stared at his girlfriend's shocked face.

"Um…leave it on the table?" Noel said.

* * *

Groaning, Noel crawled back to his laptop and re-opened it.

"And No 1…when Raven acts…instead of asks…ohhhhh…she's been working on her punches…ohhhhh…that will be $7.50…Simone…" Noel said, and collapsed to the floor.

* * *

December 22nd

"You know, I expected this to end when we got close to Christmas, but we're three days away and you're still in here. You certainly are stubborn Noel." Scalpel said.

"I think you're the ones who are stubborn. I said this is what I wanted, and you keep insisting on trying to drag me out. Why?"

"Why? Because this is Christmas! People spend time together! Come on, I bet even the villains are celebrating!"

* * *

Jinx continued to twirl the spoon in her ice cream, her eyes, languid and dreamy, staring into space on a man who may have seemed impossible to think of in such a way but was always there in her mind. Unaware of what was around her, unaware of what was happening. Certain feelings, feelings for a certain tech master was kind of getting in the way. Whether it was love, or a strange sort of lust, she was unsure, but she did enjoy the idea of it.

She did not enjoy the sudden high-pitched voice in her ear.

"Yo! Bimbo!" Gizmo shouted as he tapped her on the side of her head.

"What?" She replied indignantly, her mood shifting dramatically from the leisurely and unenergetic to the hateful and resentful.

"Listen, you're dreaming again. Dream all ya like, but you've spilled your ice cream down your front… kinda makes certain somethings stand out with the weight on the cloth."

Jinx's eyes bugged out a little as she stared down, and indeed she had dripped chocolate Neapolitan on her top, and of course because the dress was the only thing she had on she had to replace it. She stood up and started to take off, trying to avoid the glances at her.

"Wow, look at the dirty girl go!"

"SHUT IT!" She snapped, and continued to run at near top-speed.

"Rraow, look at her storm off." Gizmo said to himself as he watched her go. He paused and turned to Mammoth, who was sitting near by. "Is it wrong to be strangely attracted to her? Or her ass?"

"No but I wouldn't." The giant replied, finishing off a light dinner, well light for his size. "Just gonna end in your humiliation. When she turns ya down and all." The large metahuman stated, a shrug in his actions.

"Come on, I'm like the smartest guy in our age bracket."

"You're also three feet tall. You know what they say about height." Arturo, aka Progeny said. "She, on the other hand…She's a rare prize."

The resident Hive Casanova leaned, in that casual semi-seductive manner he had, on the table with a mug of coffee.

"No one in this place has had the pleasure of her company yet, she is 'uncharted territory' so to speak. Take it from a man who has gotten EVERY woman in this school, you won't get her." He laughed and sipped as the others looked at him. 

"Every woman Gracie?" Mammoth asked, raising a brow.

"Well, with the exception of Scorcher and Rocko. Scorcher I understand and Rocko's off limits in all aspects. Besides that, every one."

"That's it?" Most of the men asked, or rather should I say hope. Though it may be at the fact they don't always get laid most of the time.

"That's it."

"….. You make me sick." Gizmo stated as he also stormed off.

"With jealousy. Remember those words too." Arturo said, and sipped at his coffee.

* * *

Jinx stormed into her room, not caring who was there, and to her great surprise no one was. Usually her roommate, the young Shimmer, Mammoth's sister, was with her cat avoiding people. But luckily she was on her own.

She did not notice it until she was halfway done her undressing. On her bed lay a gift. It was unopened, and it was wrapped in generic wrapping paper and adorned with a bow that would make bridesmaids weep with envy.

Looking around, making sure the door was closed and no one was about, she threw the dirty dress to one side of the gift, and sat on the other in her underwear and boots to examine the item. The thought came through her mind, perhaps she should report it. Or maybe it was a trap and she should get someone to throw it in the fire.

…Perhaps she shouldn't.

In a fit of uncontrolled instinct and curiosity, she reached and pulled apart the delicately made bow, taking it in one last time. The lid lifted off easily enough, though she did check it for resistance, to see if it was wired. It wasn't, and she peered inside. The top was covered in the usual gauzy material used for cushioning: she lifted it off and removed a smaller box and an envelope.

In the envelope were the pictures of Cyborg, which gave her mixed signals.

* * *

"Dude, how did you get the pictures in anyway?"

"Blood thinks his password is uncrackable. He never changes it."

"What is it?"

" 'Ain't I Great'."

"No you're not."

"HEY!"

* * *

Jinx stared. What was this? Was he playing with her? Toying with her? Or was he… returning the favor?

A blush came across her as she opened the small box. Inside sat a ticket to dinner and a show at a local restaurant/comedy club, 'The Hyena Bar'. A curious look came across her face as she looked at the small slip of paper. Under another layer of tissue paper lay a small tubular object, with one small button on it and a clip, alongside a small note.

"Just a little 'disguise'. Careful, it will only work once. See you there. C."

A smile. The only thing she asked for this Christmas, for the first time ever: to have a smile over this holiday. Jinx was raised in an orphanage run by nuns, and she had never had the best life, and was notorious for never being happy at this time of year, so a smile was perfect.

"Llarenes?" A voice suddenly came. Not an expected voice. Expected would be Shimmer or maybe Floral. What the voice was was the pyrokinetic leader of the Elementals, Scorcher.

Who should have no reason to be there. Jinx panicked.

"CAN'T! ACK! COME IN! NO! I…" She fumbled her words. Scorcher, aka Dannielle Foster, decided to take it upon herself and wander in anyway. Obviously something was going on in there, and as a teacher of the Hive, she had a right, no, A DUTY to go in and stop anything bad from happening…

….

Alright, she was just damn curious! Alright?

_Curiosity killed the cat._

**But satisfaction brought him back.**

Though it was lucky that Scorcher, as a fire user, was a lightish red/dark orange color, as it hid the blush of embarrassment that came across her features when she found the half naked Jinx.

"Er…"

"Door." Jinx called the flush on her face far, far more prominent. And as requested, Scorcher closed it.

"What are you up to?" The southern belle asked, her dress quite fancy and old fashioned. After all, it was Christmas, and there was a Christmas truce on, even if it wasn't official.

"Nothing! Nothing at all! I'm.. er… usually like this!" The witch said, still hunched over the box and it's contents, though this only made Scorcher more curious.

"Oh… really… you're usually hunched over…in your underwear." Scorcher said, in what could almost be described as an exasperated tone, even though she allowed humor to seep into it. 

"Yes… I…er… dislike clothes in my own company." Jinx said, trying to bluff her way out of the fact she had just been caught with one of the most important things of this year, of EVER!

"Riiight." Scorcher walked around to the side of Jinx, her pace slow and her mind as sharp as it had always been. Jinx, despite her embarrassment of having most of her dignity torn away with her clothing, kept as much of an eye on her teacher as possible, though as they say the hand is quicker than the eye.

A brief flash of flame drew Llarenes' gaze from Scorcher, but before she could realize she had been duped, it was too late.

"A ticket to the Laughing Hyena?" Scorcher asked, an eyebrow raised and a smile on he lips. "Not easy to get. Someone must be thinkin' a lot of you to go to all the trouble."

"Give me that!" Jinx shouted, lunging for it…and of course, being Jinx, missing and landing face first on the floor on the other side of the bed in what could only be described as a rather undignified position.

"You alright?"

"I'm never talking to you again." Was the reply. After everyone got the right way up, the two decided to sit down, take a load off, and find out what was really happening.

"Who is this from Llarenes?" Nothing came forth, a silence, not even the whispers of a mouse. "Llarenes?" A small muffled reply came. "Llarenes?"

"…Cyborg." She finally replied, unwilling to divulge such...delicate information, information that could very well spell her downfall if she ever told anyone else…Scorcher? She'd been a hero once, before she switched sides for personal reasons. Perhaps she was trustworthy? Perhaps she would understand?

Too late now.

Far, far too late. She had found her with the one thing, the only thing that she really needed this Christmas, and the one thing that was most forbidden to her by Brother Blood.

"Listen, this is going to sound a little crazy, but I need you to understand it. It's not going to do me any good but you'll find out one way or another…"

Jinx paused because of Scorcher's look. The look wasn't one of hate, or pain, or of betrayal, but of light and simple understanding.

"Love?"

"Not sure… But… I do like him. A lot."

"Well, listen. No one can have everything they want. He's a hero, and that's the price you pay for the l'ove in which you have been going for. Even if it isn't the L word you have to at least try to do something…try to work out your differences in the way that best suits you."

"Like you'd…."

A pause.

"Like I'd know right? I was only engaged to a hero who persuaded me to change my lifestyle right? Come on girl, think. It's your choice in the end, but until one of you moves over to the other side, there won't be anything there."

It was a simple, but painful truth.

"You think?"

"I think."

"Damnit, I don't want this to die before it gets off the ground, and he won't change sides…"

"Well then, what would make you compromise?" Scorcher asked, or rather stated. It was, after all the big question. What was she prepared to do? Give up everything she knew? Everything she has ever done? For him?

"…"

"Well?"

"Maybe, maybe."

"Well I suppose it's a start. Come on, we'll talk more about if, if you wish."

"…Oh god, I could use that. I need someone to spill my heart too, good lord I need someone." Jinx joked, knowing that it was probably best that Scorcher knew. Unlike Blood, she understood the pressures and pains of love and she also knew how to keep quiet, as Blood would have paraded her up to the front of all the HIVE, to be shot either physically or figuratively, or perhaps one followed by the other. Who knows? She wasn't intent on finding out. Last thing she wanted was someone like Lucinda DeFoe to find out and suddenly pull her into some twisted mind game.

She was freaky as hell.

"Well any time you need to, just say so and I'll do what I can to help, but in the meantime… Perhaps getting dressed might be a good thing?"

Jinx looked down at herself and laughed. She was having a heart to heart in her underwear. Tongues would wag for all of this, if any of it were to get out. Which it wouldn't.

"Listen, you're not the first girl to fall in love with the 'wrong guy' you know." Scorcher stated, leaning against the wall.

"Let me guess, you've fallen for a few."

"Not really, though the Laughing Hyena, while very reputable, and VERY expensive, isn't exactly a very romantic place. It's basically a rich person's 'Jonulars' or 'Comedy Store'. Hardly the most romantic place for an official first date." Scorcher noted.

"No, but then again I'm not the most romantic person. Unlike that Titan Starfire, I don't have my head in the clouds." She laughed, reaching into her wardrobe and fiddling amongst the techno-punk, Goth/punk chic and her uniform black dresses with the purple trim on the shoulder, as she pulled out her basic uniform and slipped it on.

"So what will you do? These tickets are for the Christmas day evening show, leading through to Boxing Day; Blood won't let you out at that time." Scorcher commented, holding up the slip of paper to her pink haired student. The young mage pondered while she did up the corset like trappings around her middle that made up the majority of the dress. This was one of the later modifications to the dresses, and hence had a zip, unlike most, which had a collection of string.

"THAT is where you come in." Jinx said, as she dragged the pyrokinetic adult to the side and started to plot and plan.

Probably involving a mysterious fire at around the time she got back to disguise her entry, or maybe one before she left to mask her exiting. Damn those new sprinklers that were installed the other day, so unreliable.

* * *

Jinx thought she had privacy and secrets. She thought wrong

In her little room below, Lucinda just stared at the monitors while all this was happening. She never stopped watching the Hive. After all, one of them might have what she wanted.

"File under 'possible information' until further notice."

"Very well." Her computer replied.

"While I have no interest in their raging hormones, this could be useful to Blood or to myself. Could, though I can't see how likely. Keep it there till later." Lucinda said, her voice as cold and flat as a blade throughout the entire statement.

"A wonderful piece of exposition Ma'am." The computer replied.

"Get back to work."

"Yes Ma'am."

* * *

"I doubt it." Savior said. "What could the villains have to celebrate?"

"Lots of things!"

"Nothing to do with us. Besides, most of the villains are in jail. I doubt that's much fun." Savior said.

"Not all of them!"

"Then they're on the lam, or hiding. What possible fun could they be having…"

* * *

"Dingle bells, dingle bells…" Kurai sang, as he walked by the door…and saw something.

"Huh, what have we here?" He said, picking it up. "Well well well. If it isn't a mysterious package for Master Slade. From…the Hive Academy? Wishing the best of the season? Hmmmm…but which season? There are at least four…and winter traditionally represents a time of death before the renewal in spring…which means that the best of the season is DEATH!" Kurai yelled, and then blew the package to bits with an energy blast. "Hah! I fooled you this time, Brother Blood!"

"…And why did you pick him for your apprentice again, Dad?" Rose Wilson asked, looking on the sight. Slade just sighed and sipped his champagne.

* * *

"So, do you think Slade will enjoy that selection of Scandinavian Smoked Meats I sent him?" Brother Blood said back at the Hive academy.

"Like anyone actually eats those disgusting things." Gizmo commented, and retched.

"Well, it is the thought that counts, my student."

"What thought? You just rewrapped the gift the Titan Gauntlet sent us last year!"

"Oh right. At least this year he had the good taste to get us a Gamestation 470."

"Actually, it's a Gamestation 450." Gizmo said.

"What's the difference?"

"The disk skips before it's done making the revolution, so it can't run any games."

"What? Then what good is it?"

"You should have seen Buzz Bomb's face when I put a box with the exact same weight and dimensions of a Gamestation 470 under the tree with his name on it. Now he won't preorder, CRUSHING HIS SPIRIT ON DECEMBER 25! MWAHAHAHAHA!" Gizmo cackled.

"…Anyone want to tell Shorty I pre-ordered Buzz Bomb a Gamestation 470 back in August?" Flay said.

"Nah. Let it be a surprise to both. Besides, it'll give Buzz Bomb enough components to make a revenge bomb." Platinum Blonde replied.

"I can't wait to see his face!" Gizmo continued.

"…Wait, you CAN'T see his face." Brother Blood pointed out.

"His metaphorical face. You know. He kinda gestures with those antennae things…"

"ARRRGHHHHH!" Came an interrupting bellow. "For the last time, Billy Numerous, it doesn't matter how many of you there are YOU ONLY GET ONE GIFT!" Mammoth snapped. Billy responded with a comeback so 'Southern' that most of the Hive couldn't understand it from Adam.

"…Wait, what was the pig doing in that insult?" Brother Blood said.

And then, right about that time, the sprinklers came on from a certain just-set fire. Wonder what could have caused that.

"AUUUGGGHHHHH! I swear, if Sabotage has been showing off again…!" Brother Blood cursed.

* * *

Somewhere else, a man dressed as Santa rang a bell on a street corner, snow falling softly on the streets around him. The hat and beard mostly hid his face…which had one long tightly tied braid of hair coming from an otherwise bald head…and a face so blank and predatory that children would have run screaming.

But the hat and beard concealed it, so the man just rang the bell, nodding to people who dropped money in.

At least until some punk ran by and snatched the pot.

"SO LONG SUCKER!" He yelled, running off. 'Santa' glanced around, saw the street was empty…and then pulled out a silenced pistol and shot the punk in the back.

A few moments later, the body hidden in an alleyway, and the money back in the pot, which was once again hanging from the hook, Killjoy adjusted his beard and continued to ring his bell.

* * *

"I don't know why I'm here…" X The Eliminator yelled. "But I will say this! I got Harvey Birdman a pony AND thirteen of his favorite CD's. and what do I get? A CARD! A friggin' CARD! I am TOTALLY going to get my revenge!"

"Will you be quiet?" The young, bespectacled man sitting at the table next to X hissed.

"NO! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" X laughed.

And then he suddenly found himself in the middle of a cornfield in Utah in his underwear.

"…Huh. I don't remember poking that weird little kid again. Oh well." X said. Back at the restaurant, the young man reappeared and sat down.

"Sorry for the interruption mother. Now I suggest this wine, for the season…"

* * *

While Jump City was hot, indoor cooling allowed some great things to exist, like an ice-skating rink, as dozens of people skated, fell, and did it all over again.

And one…one danced.

She glided on the ice like she was trying out for the Olympics, doing leaps and spins and twirls like it was as easy as walking. She was not practicing though, nor showing off, though plenty of people were watching her. She was just relaxing, in her own way, through physical activity and concentration, her long red hair flowing behind her.

Not everyone was watching with admiration though. One blonde haired teenage girl was so livid with jealousy that it was amazing she didn't melt through the ice. Before the redhead had showed up, she had been the greatest skater, and now she had swiftly been made to look like a child, though the redhead had no idea of the fact…

"DADDY! FANG!" Kitten shrieked. "SHE'S MAKING FUN OF ME!"

The redhead suddenly noticed people were screaming and fleeing, and as she turned around she saw why: a man in a biomechanical moth costume and a teenage boy with a giant spider for a head had jumped on the ice and were heading for her.

Strangely, she seemed unconcerned.

"Women." She sighed, and turned and rapidly skated away, heading for the exit.

"You won't escape!" Killer Moth yelled, as the redhead apparently tried to propel herself over the edge of the rink and failed to do so, falling back on her feet into the skating rink.

Until she turned around and revealed what she had really been doing: grabbing something behind the boards, something that she was slipping over her arm.

"Men." She said.

Killer Moth and Fang only got a brief look at the gauntlet weapon before the girl opened fire on them, ultra-hard spheres slamming into their body at precise pressure points, sending pain and numbness exploding through their forms, even through Killer Moth's body armor.

But that was just the setup, as the redhead stopped firing and started skating, zipping up to the two men, who were standing side by side…and then leaping up and snapping up both feet, burying the toe of each of her skates under the chin (or in Fang's case, the chin equivalent) of her would-be attackers

Kitten watched in horror as the two men in her life went down for the count, insects dancing around their heads, as the redhead flipped over and landed effortlessly…and then turned her gaze on Kitten.

"EEEK!" Kitten went, and tried to flee, but the redhead had skated over before she knew it, stopping abruptly and sending a spray of ice up onto Kitten, who yelped and fell on her rear.

Nightwalker looked down on the girl. Not even worth it.

"People." She said, and skated off. She needed someone to spend the night with.

And she had just the person, as she hopped the railing and landed perfectly on her skates. Her companion did not look impressed.

"Show off." She said, adjusting her hat around her long ears.

"You should skate. Your feet would make you a natural, Becky." Nightwalker replied.

"Oh shut up. I refuse to be like you, all jumping around and skating on one leg and doing sextuple-quintuple-quadruple-triple toe loops. I halfway expected you to screw yourself into the ice.

Nightwalker stuck her tongue out at her. Much to her surprise, her companion zipped in and nipped the end, causing Nightwalker to recoil at the slight pain, holding her mouth.

"Serves you right." 'Becky' said, and grinned, showing her own sharp teeth.

"Just for that, you're sleeping on the floor."

"Make me!"

"I will!"

"I'd like to see you try…no no not there! HAHAHAHAHA! STOP! STOP!"

Nightwalker grinned. Yes, she was glad she wasn't spending the night alone.

* * *

Savior would have preferred to spend the night alone, considering his company.

"You're NOT going to convince me." He said to Gauntlet.

"No no. Just have some gifts for you to wrap."

"I thought we were all done…all right, who to?"

"Jack."

Noel went still.

"…Jack." He said.

"Yes."

"My Jack."

"Yes."

"My evil doppelganger who framed me for murder and who revels in strangling women no matter how much I maim him Jack."

"Yeah, I got him some mittens."

Savior started opening his mouth again…and then paused.

"….I'm torn." He finally said.

"I always get villains gifts. I gave Slade a picture of myself saying 'Glad you're out of that coma, big guy, I got Doctor Peregrine 'Chicken Soup for the Megalomaniac's Soul', and I gave Brother Blood that Gamestation 450 we had lying around."

"Not torn any more." Savior said, producing the frying pan. Gauntlet chose that time to make a quick exit.

* * *

Raven floated, meditating and concentrating on her problem.

It wasn't Noel: she had put that out of her mind. He had made up his: if he wanted her to have fun with the other Titans, she would. Her problem was her feeling that something was still off, and she still couldn't put her finger on what.

And considering that she had written off Noel at his request, he kept appearing in her thoughts a lot. She frowned. What was going on? She was independent, a partner in a relationship rather then a devoted girlfriend, and quite capable of surviving without him. So why did she keep thinking of him?

Maybe she missed him a bit more then she was willing to admit.

* * *

A knock came on Savior's door.

"Come in." Savior said, writing in his journal. He expected it to be Robin or Nigel again.

It wasn't. It was Starfire. Savior sighed inwardly. He hated this. Of all the Titans, he felt like he was personally kicking Kory in the heart when he told them he wanted to be alone…but even those feelings couldn't change his larger, bleaker ones.

"Hello Noel." She said.

"Look Kory…"

"I know. I do not like your choices, and I think it speaks volumes about certain truths about your intelligence, but you are my friend Noel. I will respect your decision." Starfire said. "I have come because I have heard you are taking pictures of Titans, for various reasons. I would like some."

"…You? Uh, sure Kory." Savior said. He felt awkward that he had to do this AGAIN, after what happened to Bumblebee…but considering what he was doing, he owed it to Starfire.

"I wish for them to be in my room. Please head there posthaste." Starfire said, and left.

Savior was halfway through getting his equipment together when he realized this could be a setup. He wasn't sure, if that was the case, whether to be annoyed or touched by his friends' persistence…though knowing the way he thought it was more likely he'd be annoyed. Well, he'd burn that bridge when he came to it.

In the end he didn't have to: Starfire was alone and now dressed in a robe.

"Oh, are you changing? I can wait…"

"No I am done. You may come in Noel."

"All right." Savior said, entering. "Now I'm not sure about this Kory, so I'll ask just to be certain…" He continued as he turned away to put his stuff down and put a few things together. "We've been photographed by newspapers and such, but there's a difference between that kind of photography and this kind, there are certain factors that need to be addr-ARRGGGHHHHHH!" Savior yelled as he turned around. He had thought he had had it bad with Bumblebee, but her swimsuit was nothing compared to Starfire's, which was quite literally nothing: she wasn't wearing a speck of clothing.

"KORY!" Savior yelled, covering his eyes. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"

"Something is wrong?" Starfire asked.

"Yes! Kory! You're…naked!"

"…I am ugly?" Starfire asked.

"No! It's just…" Savior said, peeking out, as he hated to be blind, but Starfire was still wearing nothing so he covered up again. "I can't take these kind of photos of you!"

"They are for Tim. Should he not see all the woman he loves?"

"Well yes…but Kory…it's considered…inappropriate for a woman and a man who are just friends to be in a room where one is naked…and one has a camera…" Savior said, as he looked high and peeked again. Still naked. He covered his eyes again.

"You are said to be good at this Noel. I wanted it well done. Why are you shy?"

"Because…oh geez." Savior said, doing a rare thing and blushing. "Star, it's hard to explain, but I really shouldn't see you like this…"

"With some of our needed on the battlefield medical treatments there is nothing here you have not seen before."

"That's different! This is…very…intimate…and that's not something we should be sharing! You should have one of the girls do this…not me…"

"Noel…I want you to do it."

"I'm pretty sure I can't take photographs blindfolded…"

"Noel…look at me. I do not feel ashamed. Why should you…oh. Yes. Your culture and upbringing is different…I forgot again. I am sorry." Starfire said. "I have behaved inappropriately and caused you distress…I shall leave…"

"Whoa. Whoa. Hold it Kory." Noel said, as he turned around so he could see again. He really wanted to let Kory do what she had suggested…but she sounded so sad…

"Kory…this is just for Tim right?"

"Yes…"

"This isn't some kind of Tamaranian friendship repair ritual something or other that requires this lack of clothing and close physical contact or anything like that?"

"No Noel. My species may be freer then yours, but if you even begin to think I would somehow offer you sexual favors to try and make you feel better when it's quite clear you don't want to, Robin wouldn't have any bones in your body left to break because I would do it first." Starfire said. Her voice may Savior feel a bit better: back to the old fierce Kory, rather then the sad and guilty because of Noel's actions Kory. Of course, he still had to take the pictures.

He rolled his eyes. All right. He'd just set a speed record.

"Ok Kory, I'll do this. But I must be quick, because this…" Savior said, and turned around.

And found out why Starfire hadn't said anything recently.

Raven must have warped in, silently entering the room, apparently to speak to Starfire…and walking in on a scene that made the previous one look positively innocent.

Savior stared at Raven, she doing likewise, as Starfire's eyes darted back and forth between the two.

"…I'll save you the trouble." Savior said, and punched himself in the face.

* * *

When Savior came to a minute later, he found Raven leaning over him.

"…Oh hello Raven. I just had a terrible nightmare where Kory had asked me to take pictures and she was naked and you came in and you were going to kill me and oh crap it really happened." Savior said as Starfire appeared behind him, back in her robe. "…Can I have a big funeral?"

"I'm not going to kill you." Raven said.

"You're not?" Savior said. "Oh right. Just maim me so I can suffer more."

"Or that." Raven said. "Starfire explained…not to mention I entered the room while you were turned around and making sure this was just pictures. I'd know if you were trying anything else. You're good at fooling people at times Noel, but not that good."

"…Oh."

"However, there is the problem that I don't really approve of you taking pictures of another woman, naked, no matter the circumstances."

"I figured."

"So I fixed the problem. Kory?"

Off came the robe again.

At first Savior thought Starfire had slipped on a bikini. Then he realized it wasn't cloth. It was energy. Black energy.

"Spell on your eyes. You won't see anything, but the camera will. For Tim. I can understand why Star would want to give such a thing, and that Tim deserves it." Raven said. "But Noel…this is the last time. Next time…" Raven said, and gave Savior a look so black he somehow turned even whiter.

"…Gotcha." He said weakly. Raven nodded and left.

* * *

After the photos were taken, Savior went down to the dark room and developed the several rolls he had snapped over the past several days, using what he had observed from Cyborg. Once that was done, he carefully slipped the photos into envelopes. He'd give them to the respective gift-givers on Christmas Eve.

And to his surprise, when he got back to his room he found one last thing.

An absolutely mammoth pile of paperwork, done up with bows and ribbons, and signed with a note that said "Christmas Busywork".

It was in reality all the paperwork Nigel was backlogged on.

* * *

Scalpel found it back in front of his office the next morning, with another note.

NICE TRY.


	9. Part 9

Part 9

* * *

December 23rd

"Christmas was truly drawing near…and we thank the readers for putting up with all the nonsense it took to get here. Now we finally come to the whole point of this plot…if you can even call it that…" Charlie said.

"Savior was not the only one in the Tower who was unhappy, for a certain combustible situation was about to erupt…" Dickens said.

"I must say, is this a good place to stand?" Charlie interrupted, indicating that the two were standing in the fireplace.

"Who lights a fire in the morning?"

"Cyborg, go check on the coals!" Robin called, and then went back on the phone as he tried to arrange a roundabout way to get a new Christmas tree.

"Forget that, I'll just heat them up again." Cyborg said, as he retrieved a can of gasoline.

"Uh oh." Dickens said.

* * *

Combustible didn't even begin to cover it, as we enter the war zone.

While everyone is feeling the spirit of the season all around (except you know who), there were a few places in the city where all was not jolly.

This was one, as two arch nemeses were locked in mortal combat, a fight of destiny, a fight where the outcome would be a bigger factor in their continual, eternal conflict.

"Hey! Tubbo! You better not be eating all the stuffing!" Terra shouted at her large temporary partner.  
The battle of Christmas dinner had begun.

"I'm not eating the stuffing." Sophie replied, somewhat carelessly, as she reached for a small knife to cut up the meat. There was a lot of meat this year, both with the Turducken and the fact there was a lot of people. True, there was always a giant amount of food, but this year they wanted to make sure they had enough. With all of their appetites combined they might be looking at a Christmas first: not being full after dinner and dessert.

"Good, any fatter and you won't get through the door." Terra replied. Most of the Titans had no idea how deep the animosity between the two women ran: what had started it was forgotten, but it had gotten pretty deep. As indicated by the fact Sophie paused at the small knives and then grabbed the Titans' meat cleaver, which was comically large.

"Oh hark, I may have gained some across the waist, but at least I can still fit my head through the door." The slightly taller and much wider brunette replied, walking back to the meat she was cutting.  
"Yeah, well I have to have room to keep all my great insults and… stuff." Terra stumbled.

"Oh, such brilliance." Sophie placed down her blade and offered up a condescending applause, which only infuriated the young geokinetic. She offered nothing but a glare for a moment or two, until of course she could think of another fat joke. For the moment, Sophie had won and that was all that mattered for the moment.

Then Terra got hit by a snowball.

"GRAHHHHHHHH!" She growled under her breath. Well, at least she knew Sophie wasn't throwing them: she'd been looking straight at the girl. But if it wasn't her, then who was? That fact brought the nastiness back up.

"I was dazzled by the amount of fat you have actually gained. How many more bats does that new gut make?" Terra said, referring to Sophie's ability, which actually was related to her mass.

"Enough bats to drain you dry if you keep that up." Sophie shot back. Her bat flock form, if she wanted them too, could all attack Terra at once, and because it was assumed that the bat that Dr.Langstrom used in his experiments was a vampire bat, it was also assumed that Sophie's flock was the same sort, as she had a mutant strain of the virus that the good doctor had created.

"That's the most promising thing I've heard all day." Terra replied. "As I won't have to listen to your belly-aching."

"And I won't have to listen to your bitching." Sophie shot back, the two sniping while they were still cooking, and doing a superb job at it, as they were both trying to outdo the other. While Sophie was no super chef, she was better than most of the others and she wasn't about to let Terra beat her. Terra was always trying to prove she was better then Sophie. There was that time she claimed so by beating Sophie at a trivia game, though it was later proved that she was helped by Beast Boy. Her boyfriend, over the past few years had become quite the card shark, and hence dealt her all the easy questions, actors, famous lines, legends, and fed the others the harder questions. Though he did have a bad time trying to beat Scalpel as he accidentally seemed to give him all the medical questions, though he managed to reshuffle so the alien got the questions about history instead, which meant his downfall and Tara's victory. The relationship between the two Titans remained solid though. Not in this case.

"Hello dears." Scalpel called as he and Beast Boy entered the kitchen, only to stop when they both felt the tension in there. It was so thick a knife wouldn't manage to cut it. Maybe not even one of Scalpel's…er… scalpels.

"I need a knife. Think you can walk over here from there without dripping bimbo all over my food?" Sophie challenged.

An angered Tara picked up her knife and threw it over the other side of the room as Sophie ducked. It sunk into the wall with a low thwack, only to be ripped out a moment later by a highly irate Sophie, who shot a glare and started chopping some potatoes rather quickly and harshly, before she threw said chopped potatoes back at the geokinetic, who caught them in a roasting tin and placed them on the side.

Both the male Titans recoiled slightly as things flew and glares that were more deadly than bullets were continually exchanged.

"I do not think it wise to enter the den of those who are in the mist of a purely disputatious air." Nigel spoke quietly.

"Huh?" Gar asked, just wanting a little clarification, just in case.

"We'll have to wait for cookies as I'm not going in there with those two." The alien explained. 

"Oh. I think you're right." And so they left.

Sophie and Terra continued, though like most chiefs, the larger of the two girls decided to have a class of wine, purely to clear the air as it were, as she allowed the warm taste of red wine to slide down her throat, calming her a bit.

It didn't last.

"What did I tell you about eating the ingredients?" Terra's voice blasted over her shoulder.

"One, it's a drink so I'm drinking, two it's not part of the ingredients as we've used all we wanted to." She shot back, glass in hand.

"Oh great, fat and drunk." Terra laughed to herself.

Sophie just slammed the glass down, trying to ignore the young geokinetic as she got on with her job. She traversed to the cupboards to get the last few things she needed for this particular dish. It was a smaller version of the Turducken that she had planned to try out.

Terra, out of spite mostly and the need for the herbs secondly, tried to barge the young woman out the way, though due to their size differences it ended up the other way around. Terra just stepped to the side: her idea had obviously backfired and she wouldn't be able to win against Sophie in a physical contest. It seems somewhere under all the lar there was some muscle, probably produced from carrying her own body weight around, or so Terra harshly thought.

She waited and watched the mortician as she dug around and searched for the herbs and other miscellaneous spices to really make this meal special.

"Tell me, how many trousers do you actually go through? I mean, what size are you now?" She asked offhandedly, almost casually to the other chief.

"Eighteen, twenty, something like that." She replied equally offhandedly, more interested in the meal than her 'colleague'. She knelt down and clambered into the small cupboard, searching for the one really illusive part. It was a bit of a squeeze, but she had enough room to maneuver.

"Well don't get stuck, I ain't hauling your fat ass out of there."

"Oh thank-you for your consideration. Or not. I may have the start of two chins, but at least I don't have two faces." Sophie replied in mock appreciation.

"What does that mean?"

"You'll get it when you get more brain cells." Sophie replied. Finally, she found the spice, as she backed out of the cupboard.

Though when she got up and turned, she was literally standing on Terra's toes, and knocked her over at the same time. Double whammy.

"You stupid bitch! What the hell have you been eating? Lead weights? I'd say you're size 'Huge'! Lose some weight or get OUT OF MY KITCHEN YOU FAT FREAKY PIECE OF….!" She shouted, standing up, though she didn't get to finish her sentence.

Let's just say Sophie snapped.

* * *

"Sophie?" Noel, on one of his very rare excursions from his room, decided that he'd visit the kitchen to see if he could get one of the really pleasant cake slices that the mortician made. Who knew, might snap him out of his funk. "Just wondering, did you finish… the…" 

Savior stopped in the door to see Sophie, standing over Terra, who was on the floor, as she was being force-fed the same chocolate cake that Noel had wanted. He stared for a second, wondering if it was in good spirits…but Savior had seen too much rage to look past actual, utter acrimony. If Sophie wasn't stopped, there was a fair risk Terra might choke to death. Get her off first, ask questions later.

Noel quickly, and effortlessly pulled Mathews off of Markov, even though she kicked and struggled, trying to finish the job in which she started.

"ENOUGH!" He roared, his black mood back. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING! Do you really dislike each other so much you can't even cook a meal together? Can't you keep your mouth shut Terra? Can't you not stoop to her level, Sophie? I know you're both better then this and DAMN IT YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE PROVING ME A LIAR!" Savior yelled, as Terra tried to speak and Sophie continued to struggle. "SHUT UP! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! THIS IS IT! DONE! NIGEL" He bellowed, the alien's ears picking up the roar and making him come running.

"What the…" Scalpel said, and then Savior shoved Sophie into his arms.

"Take her away! Take her to a bar or something, calm her down!" Noel ordered. Scalpel stared, and then looked at his still furious girlfriend, and then gave Terra such an angry glare that all the venom drained straight out of the blonde, as she paled to the point of doing a Raven impression.

Then Scalpel pulled Sophie away, as Savior turned his own dark gaze on the young woman.

"…I will leave it at this and trust you to seek help for this problem, because I know that somewhere under that superficial shallowness you always seem to embrace around Sophie there's more. But really…stop it Terra. I saw your true self in Light City. This isn't it. Don't bring it back. It's not wanted." Savior said, and then stalked off, slamming the door to his room.

Terra stared after him

And then she got hit by a snowball.

"…..Ow." She said.

* * *

_Tad bit vicious for a Christmas story, don't you think?_

**If I recall, It's a Wonderful Life has a giant eruption of rage too, and it's a classic. It's a reminder that we, in this time of year, no matter how good, are often about five minutes away from such a situation ourselves.**

_Hey! I'm the one who makes the deep comments! You just produce the whacky aliens!_

**You misspelled wacky.**

_Oh shut up!

* * *

_

"All right…" Robin said to the gathered Titans, not including the ones we just saw. "I have discovered a rather…roundabout way to get a new tree, as there are no more left in Jump City. Though my contacts I have made a deal with a rather…unscrupulous individual named Shiftstate. Morals aside, he's a teleporter. He can warp us to a place that has a tree, and warp us back. The thing is, he can only carry two people at most and he doesn't want to meet us in the Tower…so I need a volunteer…"

"We'll go." Scalpel said, who had entered the room, still dragging Sophie a bit. "We need to get out of the Tower anyway. Give him my personal communicator signal."

"O…wait. BOTH of you? What happened to the preparatory cooking?"

"You'll need to find someone else." Scalpel said in a finative tone, as he pulled Sophie from the room.

"…Well, nuts." Robin said. "Ok, NEW order of business. Who wants to help make Christmas dinner this year…"

* * *

There was nothing left to do except think, and even Noel didn't like spending excessive amounts of time thinking. Maybe he should have done Nigel's paperwork. Better then breaking up fights between his girlfriend and Terra.

Celebrate this season? When two girls couldn't even make a meal together without one working the other into a homicidal state, because of said season?

…Or was that just an excuse?

Or the bitter truth.

Savior sat, brooding and wishing he'd never left his room in the first place.

But he'd rectify that.

* * *

A little time passed, and the Tower calmed down once more.

"Ok!" Starfire said joyfully. "My plans are complete! Tomorrow, I will finally find you, Santa!"

"Don't. Just don't." Speedy said to Bumblebee, who looked to be heading over to ask about the Santa thing, as he rubbed his jaw in phantom pain.

* * *

"You haven't brought any machines in to help, have you?" Terra said worriedly. Now that Sophie was gone, she was back to normal.

"Oh no, relax. When it comes to food, I don't mess around." Cyborg said.

"Ok. Here you go."

"What's this?"

"Instructions. The turkey's done, as is the Turducken, I have no idea how that worked. I'm doing all the sides, so you have to do the Tofurkey."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Cyborg wailed.

* * *

"I'm sorry about that." Sophie said lightly, sipping coffee in an open air restaurant. That was one of the advantages of having Christmas in Florida.

"From what I've heard, she deserved it." Nigel replied, sipping a large hot chocolate. They enjoyed the scenery for a moment or two, allowing the conversation to fade a little, though one question did come across her mind.

"You never told me much about your family."

Nigel looked at his girlfriend and raised a brow.

"That was a bit out of right pasture wasn't it?" The alien said, confused.

"A bit out of left field, Nigel."

"Well yes but still…" He paused, trying to think. No one had ever asked about his past, and he preferred it that way. He wanted to leave his old life; he wanted to just carry on here, as here there were people who cared for him, even if that didn't include the majority of humans.

"Please?" She begged, giving him the 'come hither' eyes, or as close as she could manage. He just flushed a little and readied himself.

"I'm sorry…. No, I don't really want to."

"Come on Scalpel, please?" She begged again, hoping for a more resolved answer in her favor. He said nothing, unwavering in his resolve to not change his decision.

"I don't wish to." He said, more of a pleading in his looks than in his voice, but just as his resolve wouldn't budge, neither would hers.

"We've been dating for… however long it has been. I think I have the right to know, we did make the transition from a couple to a relationship you know."

"I know but still…"

Silence. But Sophie still wanted to know, and she would know. So she decided to do what any human female would do.

Stare at you until you gave them an answer.

"……..Okay, okay! Here's the thing." He leaned over the table a little to try and relax a bit more. "Don't tell anyone else, and you have to tell me something I don't know about yourself, deal?"

"Deal."

"Alright…" He paused wondering where to begin. "Well… My father was a farmer, always had been, always will be. He was enlisted, or rather dragged, into the army. Though due to a rare non-fatal injury he was dropped from the ranks and returned home. He's a little taller than I am, a little thinner and older too. He's a good guy, always trying to pressure us to keep moving forward and up, to make sure we stayed focused."  
"And your mother?"

"A bit of a bitch. When dad pushed us up, she forced us down, though it gave us humility." Nigel shook his head. 

"Us?"

"Yeah, I have a sister, younger by one year. She became a priestess, always longed for my mother's figure." He paused and laughed. "I have no idea why I said that."

"Heh, gives me an idea of what your family was like. Let me guess, she was the popular one?"

"Not quite, she was loved by both parents; I was only appreciated by my father I guess." He sipped some more hot chocolate. "My mother ran off with someone, for some reason, and as I left my home my sister had just been ordained into the Circle of Rights, then after a year or so, I came here and I met a young woman and at this very moment in time am sharing cocoa with her."

Sophie beamed.

"Your turn"

The beam faded.

"Come again?"

"I told you a little about my past, you tell me a little about yours."

Sophie paused.

"Well you know everything!" She protested. "You know my parents, you met them, I told you about everything else…"

"Then tell me something I don't know!" He simply replied, and once again the battle of the wills was on.

"Um…"

"Speak! Or you force me to dance the funky turkey or chicken, or whatever!" Nigel shouted, standing up with one foot on the chair and the other on the ground.

"Alright! Alright already." She replied, waving her hands around to try and distract him or bring him down from the high perch in which he stood. In the end, he sat down.

**After all that I need a sit down.**

_Oh do be quiet…_

"Alright. Here's something you'll find interesting." She started, leaning one elbow on the table, and with the same hand rubbed her chin. After a moment's thought, it came to her. "Ah, yes. Before you met me, while I was an undertaker, I used to sleep in… a. well… coffin." She explained, a slight flush on her face.

"A what?"

"A coffin, casket, sarcophagus, whatever you wish to call it, I slept in one." She cleared up.

".. Right. Why?"

"Well when I moved in to my grandfather's business, my bed was destroyed in the move. Maybe an accident, I don't know, but it was and I couldn't find another place close enough to buy another before closing, so I took off the top half of one of the nicer, softer coffins and slept in it. I did that even until you turned up on my door."

"While I'm not surprised, I wonder… Do you sleep in one now?" Her boyfriend asked, having never actually gone into her room even though she came to his regularly.

Silence.

And then he just popped out of nowhere, nearly scaring Scalpel and Sophie to death.

"You Scalpel?" Shiftstate said, and then looked at Sophie. "Yikes. No one mentioned I'd be transporting excess cargo."

"Why you…" Scalpel growled.

"Down boy! Down! We still need a tree!" Sophie said. "You have a spot picked out, Mr. State, or whatever your name is?"

"Yes. Thing is…it's kinda self-serve."

* * *

"This is a forest!" Scalpel yelled.

"Well yeah, no better place to get a tree."

Sophie shivered: it was winter where Shiftstate had warped them. The teleporter was about to comment on something else when Scalpel grabbed him.

"Go get her some winter clothes, like you should have done before, or I'll send you back to Jump City myself. In pieces."

Shiftstate gulped.

"Hey man, no need to be aggressive!" He complained, and then warped away.

"…What if he doesn't come back?" Sophie said.

"He will. Robin only paid half his money up front."

"Robin had to pay him?"

"He doesn't strike me as the type for charity."

* * *

The alarm went off just as the sun was starting to go down.

Robin jumped up from the Scrabble game he was playing and ran to the computer, as various Titans were pulled out of whatever they were doing. In his room, Savior looked up from the chair he had been sitting in, blinking as new sensation entered him for the first time in a bit.

"What we got?" Bumblebee asked.

"…Oh how glad I am that you're visiting, Karen. Looks like we have multiple hits." Robin said, as markers began popping up on a map. His eyes flicked over the locations, as he put them together: big businesses that would be stuffed with cash these final days before Christmas. And Robin had a funny feeling that with all these alarms going off nearly at once that they weren't all independent efforts.

"…Ok Titans!" Robin said as he turned around. "We have six different areas that have been hit…and thirteen of us, as Scalpel and Sophie have gone to get the tree! So we pair off…"

"That leaves one out Robin." Bumblebee said.

"I know! Now, this could also be a trick to get us all to leave the Tower, so someone has to stay behind…"

"I'll stay." Savior said.

"What? Oh come on Savior, this had some reason before but now I think you're just being lazy…" Bumblebee protested.

"I agree. Savior stays." Robin said, as Bumblebee looked at the Teen Wonder. She did not catch the unspoken words between the two: how this would most likely involve more people being bad at Christmas and Noel didn't need any more negative fuel.

"The rest of us can pair up on the way! We'll take the ground vehicles! Mas Y Menos, run point! TITANS, GO!" Robin ordered, and the massed group ran off.

Savior watched over them as the bridge rose up and the vehicles and flyers took off down it. As they passed, Savior armed the defenses on the bridge.

That only took a few seconds, and when it was done, Savior found himself alone.

* * *

Robin had put the mystery to the back of his mind, but when he arrived at his scene, and found several men robbing an armored car, and dressed up the exact same way a stupid teenager had been when he'd tried to rob a mall twenty days ago, out it came again, as pieces began falling into place.

He worked on it as he and Aqualad took down his group, even as all the Titans, in constant communication, did the same with theirs. All of them were dressed the same, and they all had the same setup and weaponry…but the Titans never fell for the same bag of tricks twice.

But Robin doubted this was all. Making an educated guess, Robin ordered for the Gauntlet and Bumblebee team to let their quarry escape so they could follow. And follow they did.

It led them back to an empty warehouse, big surprise. It also, in the same explosion of originality, had more goons in the same clothes setup, but nothing the Titans and Titans East couldn't handle.

Until they heard the faint chuckling.

"So. Titans. I thought you might stay at home, playing your childish games." Came a familiar voice, and the Titans looked up to see Professor Chang standing on a higher floor.

"Well well. Professor Chang. What's wrong, got no one to spend the holidays with?" Robin said.

"You might say I decided to give a gift to myself." Professor Chang replied, obviously referring to the group of robberies the Titans had just thwarted.

"Well, now you can have one from me!" Robin said, as he whipped out his bo staff. The evil doctor chuckled again.

"I think not." Professor Chang said, as he lifted up a very large laser-like gun. "I've been waiting to try this on you! Behold, my new 'Bad Vibrations' ray!"

"Oh what's that going to do, rob us of our Christmas cheer?" Bumblebee asked.

"No actually! Rather, it will put you in a state of intense rage which I will be able to direct!"

"…How do you know that'll even work on us?" Robin bluffed.

"Because I tested it earlier. It worked quite well. You saw the results yourself."

And the rest of the pieces fell into place. The teen had been given the equipment as a test. And…

"That riot! YOU caused it!"

"Of course. People may be stressed this time of year, but it takes a lot to go from that to being naughty. And I'm very good at being bad." Professor Chang said. "If it worked on hundreds of people, it will work on you!"

And the evil professor fired down on the Titans. For the actual Titans though, he had spoken too long, and hence all the teenage heroes managed to dive out of the way.

The Titans East crashed into each other. Hey, they do try, but in this case said try led to them being bathed in the power of the ray. The effects were immediate.

"Aw nuts." Robin said, as the Titans East got up, murder in their eyes. He was having flashbacks to the battle in Steel City with Brother Blood.

"It's amazing, really, how much the average human represses." Professor Chang said, as Titans East advanced. "All the anger, all the resentment, all the feelings they keep locked up…well, not any more. Titans, I believe your eastern companions have a few things they'd like to get off their chest."

And the battle began, Titans vs Titans.

"Ahhhhhhh…in battle or in the season, it's so much better to have others do the work for you." Professor Chang said.

* * *

Savior was unaware of the small dilemma the Titans were facing: Robin hadn't called him and his lone attempt to try during the fight only revealed Professor Chang had hidden a jamming device somewhere. So, instead, he was wandering the Tower.

He'd gone back to his room, gotten the envelopes of pictures with plans to write names on them and slide them under their respective giver's door…but as he walked back, and saw all the decorations hung everywhere, hung without him, he slowly forgot his original plan and, after setting the pictures down, just wandered around the main room, looking at stuff.

"…What's wrong with me?" Savior mused. "Is it something about this season? Do I see something most people cannot, for better or for worse…or is it me, a malaise within my own soul, reaching out to bother me each year…I wonder, am I just being stupid or accepting who I am…sigh." Savior said, as he stopped by the TV, looking at the pile of Christmas movies, the stuff the Titans always watched this time of year, the TV specials, the cartoons…and a new film that caught Savior's eye.

"What the…" Savior said, as he reached down for the DVD, picking it up. "What kind of film is this? _Santa's Slay?_"

And then it happened, as Savior felt an odd jolt in his arm and hand, a cousin to the electric shock, and he recoiled and dropped the DVD, as it fell back on the table.

"Owtch! What the hell was that?" Savior said, as he leaned down and picked up the DVD again. He looked the whole thing over, but he could find nothing that had caused the shock. Feeling more strangely disquiet then sad now, Savior put the DVD back down and headed back to the main computer.

* * *

"It was a strange thing Savior had experienced, but even he had no idea what he had just set in motion!" Dickens said. "But for now, let us return to the battle between the Titans!"

"Yes!" Charlie said, as they stood on a rafter above the walkway. "It was truly epic! An amazing display of skill, courage and ingenuity! As fine as anything the show produced, and more! Unfortunately I'm on a strict deadline, so we're just going to skip to the end of it."

Dickens facevaulted, as down on the ground the Titans convalesced, all of them down and nearly out, as Professor Chang joined them on the lower level of the building.

"Well…Professor Chang…you have successfully beaten us. And quite soundly." Robin said through gritted teeth.

"Yes, I'm glad you agree." Professor Chang replied.

"However…" Gauntlet said, as he stood up on one knee. "There's one group you CANNOT beat! GET 'IM!"

And then, suddenly, a bunch of asian people broke down the door.

"What the…!" Professor Chang said.

"Hold it!' Said the man at the front of the group. "We are the Asian Anti-Defamation Society, and we're here to stop you from propagating the stereotype that all Asians are either kung fu masters or Fu Manchu evil plotters!"

"……Crap." Professor Chang said.

* * *

The computer sounded about three minutes later, and Savior answered swiftly.

"Savior here. You all right guys?" Savior asked.

"Just a few bumps and bruises. We're fine." Robin said: apparently he'd found and disabled the jamming device. "We stopped the plot. The villain de jour was Professor Chang. We're going to just help the police process them. Stand down the defenses, we'll be home soon. Got something interesting to tell you." Robin said, and signed off.

"All right." Savior said, and turned off the defenses.

No sooner had he done that then the computer rang again.

"Yes Robin?"

"Robin? This is Nigel!" Nigel snapped: he did not sound happy. "Is that you Noel? Where's Robin?"

"There was trouble in town, he left to take care of it." Savior said. Cursing came from the other end in Blacktrinian. "What's wrong?"

"I'll tell you what's wrong! Robin must have set it up so the second half of the guy helping us get a tree's fee was paid automatically after a time, because just when we were settling on one he made a phone call, and when he hung up he said it was a pleasure doing business but he preferred pleasure _to_ business and then he just warped out and left us hanging!"

"What? Bastard." Savior growled.

"So now we're stuck in a snowy forest somewhere in…who knows!" Scalpel said, and then let off more Blacktrinian curses.

"Hang on Scalpel. Let me trace your communicator." Savior said, and did just that, matching it against a map of the states. "Ok, some good news. You're only a few hundred miles away…"

"ONLY?"

"Scalpel, relax. If I punch it, with just one passenger the T-Ship can probably make it there within 45 minutes, at most. I assume you want me to pick you up."

"Yes please!"

"You're not risking freezing to death?"

"No!"

"All right, hang on! I'll be there ASAP." Savior said, and signed off. He entered a few commands on the computer to activate the T-Ship and program the coordinates into it before he ran off. A few minutes later, the hanger opened up and Savior took off. He'd call Robin later.

The Tower was left completely empty.

As a strange energy began to course through the building…

* * *

"Well, on the plus side, Savior no longer has an excuse to brood in his room." Beast Boy said. "Chang caused the riot. Artificial causes result in nullification of most issues. Savior always was big on that."

"Considering the lengths he went to, I think he might actually accuse you of being a liar." Speedy said.

"No…even Savior's not that bad." Robin said, as all the Titans headed into the main room. "Well, good job Titans, all around. Looks like this is going to be a merry Christmas after all."

"Oh, you have NO idea."

The gruff, rumbling voice was unlike one Robin had ever heard before.

Then he saw who it belonged to, and he froze. Someone was in the Tower, standing by the gifts. And it definitely wasn't Savior.

Everyone stared in shock for a moment, before Starfire's eyes lit up to the point they nearly outdid her namesake.

"SANTA!" She squealed.

"Yes Virginia. There is a Santa Claus." 'Santa' replied.

Then he brained Starfire with a bowling ball.


	10. Part 10

Part 10

"You know, this feeling I have, it's hardly new…" Savior said to Scalpel. Savior had arrived swiftly, and now stood nearby. Scalpel appeared not to be paying attention, but he was, as he walked around the Christmas tree he had chosen. He didn't have an axe, but that didn't matter. Sophie, now dressed up for winter, stood nearby, watching and also listening, as being out of his room and in such a different environment had finally seemed to allow Savior to open up a bit

"People claim the Peanuts Christmas special as one of if not THE best of its kind, and Charlie Brown had the exact same feelings. Christmas was too commercialized, people had lost what the season really meant, and they were moving farther away then heading back." Savior said, as Scalpel went up to the tree, made a mark, and then walked away as he continued to circle it, examining it.

"I mean…I thought I might find some catharsis in doing all the grunt stuff, letting people have fun, get rid of the feeling…I mean, I do like to help my friends, heck, at times I even like helping people…but that didn't get rid of it. Then I tried thinking it through, and I proceeded to do it nearly a thousand times from forty different angles…that didn't work either. I look around the Tower, and I see the happiness that this season can bring, despite dustups like the kitchen thing…it's there, but it apparently doesn't see me. And unlike Charlie Brown, I don't have a Linus to come out and recite a few Bible verses to wash away my melancholy. So really…I'm just lost, overall. When I think I know what the season means, I don't like the meaning…and when I don't…then I wonder what's the problem. With the world, and me."

Silence.

"…Well Noel…all I can say is this. Your people have been attributing great things to events, objects, theories, beliefs, and all that for centuries now when in the end it would be better leaving them alone and letting others find out what they are firsthand without having any previous idea so they think what THEY will of them…and as for you, well, you claim you find no joy in the season, no answers for your sorrow, I heard you say that multiple times…and yet…" Scalpel said.

And then he yelled and changed, snapping out his foot and kicking the pine tree perfectly at the base, the trunk snapping in two as the tree fell.

Shimmer lines caught it.

"You don't let it stop you from getting another tree that you didn't break to help the friends who you won't listen to for the sake of a season you won't believe in. You may not think so, Noel…but your name is apt. I think, most of the time, you understand what this season is more then anyone."

Silence, again.

"…You know, I think you're right." Savior said. "Perhaps it's like an affair. The one who needs to know most is always the last."

"Well, I wouldn't compare Christmas to infidelity…though then again your several of your human religions' Jesus was supposedly born now, after being conceived in immaculate conception with a woman who already had a husband…so maybe the whole season IS based in infi…"

"Ok ok, you can stop the musing there before you piss someone off." Sophie said, as she ran up to Scalpel's side as he began carrying the tree away by the trunk, Savior carrying the other end. "So Savior, you done sulking?"

"…Yeah. I think I am done."

"Yay!" Sophie said.

Then she kicked Scalpel lightly in the ankle.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"Why didn't you say that a week ago?"

"Hey, finding the right words can be an art form my dear…"

"Whatever! Let's just get back to the Tower for some hot chocolate and whatever fun we can make up for." Sophie said, grinning.

* * *

In retrospect, Robin should have acted quicker. For one thing, there was no Santa Claus, so how could he be in the Tower? And the second was, this sure as heck didn't look like any Santa Claus he'd seen. This Santa wasn't a fat jolly elf with a white beard and a bright-red outfit. This Santa was a towering figure who rippled with muscle, his long beard more gray then white and actually done up in some braids. His outfit was more dark-red then red, the white and red of the outfit either sooty or dirty. Most of all, he was wearing a huge silver belt buckle that was in the shape of his head. Oh yeah, and he had a wicked, nasty look on his face.

Third was the fact he threw a bowling ball into Starfire's face. That was a definite cue that he should have acted quicker, as Starfire hit the ground. Fortunately, she did not suffer the literal version of being brained: her head was much tougher then a human.

Robin's eyes went wide, as did everyone's. In the back of his head, a thought chimed up, saying that this Santa looked familiar.

"HO! HO! HO!" 'Santa' laughed. "I don't know how I got here, but I know one thing!"

And he reached down and picked up one of Cyborg's Christmas 'timesavers'.

"I know good toys when I see them! But Santa is supposed to make the best toys, not kids in ridiculous outfits! That's very naughty!"

"Crap, he's got the Tinsel-Zooka 5000!" Gauntlet yelled.

"HO! HO! HO!" 'Santa' laughed evilly, as he opened fire. All the Titans dove for cover, as the tinsel tore through the furniture, Robin grabbing Starfire and getting her to cover as well. Raven flew up, beginning her chant…and then a chair was blasted by the Tinsel-Zooka and the pieces crashed into Raven's upper body, knocking her down and stunning her.

"What the HELL IS GOING ON!" Bumblebee yelled.

"Santa Claus is gunning you down!" 'Santa' laughed, and let loose with another series of blasts, as the Titans once again dodged.

"Ohhhhhhh…" Starfire groaned. "Santa…Santa…what did I do wrong…"

Robin grit his teeth.

"TITANS! GO! SHOVE HIM UP THE CHIMNEY!" Robin yelled, as he snapped out his staff. He didn't care who this Santa was or how he'd got in, he was going to introduce him to his own personal North Pole, as he leapt through the air, dodging the Tinsel-Zooka as he swung down his staff, hitting 'Santa' square between the eyes.

Santa didn't budge. He didn't even seem to feel it. It was like Robin had attacked Superman.

"Naughty!" 'Santa' chided, and then he backhanded Robin across the whole room, Robin crashing through the presents. "In fact, you're all naughty! Santa doesn't have any lumps of coal to give you, but he can sure GIVE YOU YOUR LUMPS!"

Of course, the Titans weren't going to make this easy, as they all attacked. However, they had never trained about fighting in such a small space with such great numbers, and hence pretty much all fell over each other, doing 'Santa's' job for him, though he clearly didn't like that. Apparently, he preferred to smash them himself.

"All right, enough! Santa says there are too many bad little boys and girls in too little space! I vote that you and you get five minutes in time out!" 'Santa' yelled, as he grabbed Gauntlet and Bumblebee and shoved them in the nearest closet and locked it with a gigantic padlock he produced from somewhere.

"…Well. Fancy meeting you here." Gauntlet said, as Bumblebee tried to get out and found she couldn't.

"Ok, enough room to play now! HO! HO! HO!" 'Santa' declared.

What followed could only be described as taking holiday chaos to a whole new level.

"LOOK OUT!"

BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM!

"HO HO HO!"

"EAT THIS!"

"It's not doing anything!"

"No, not my stockings!"

"I'll stuff YOUR stocking!"

WHAM! CRUNCH!

"Oh no! He has the Snow Storm cannon!"

BLAST! SPLURT!

"Oh god, this stuff tastes like…icing?"

"Santa es malvodo! Culpe el Internet!"

"RARRRGGHHHH!"

"IYEEEEEEEE!"

"Eat explosive arrow, you…!"

BLAM!

"HOW DID THAT NOT WORK?"

"What an interesting toy!"

ZIIIPPPHHH!

"NOT AGAIN!"

"STOP USING MY INVENTIONS!"

"If you say so!"

RRRRRRRRRR!

"Oh god, look out, he has a lawn mower!"

GRAAAAHHHHHRGGGHHHH!

"HO! HO! HO!"

"AHHHHHH!"

"NOT THAT WAY!"

CRASH! BOOM!

"I had so much fun with this, I'll use it again!"

"OH NO YOU…!"

ZIPPPHHHHHH!

"ARGH!"

"Now I have you!" Terra said as she finally got into the open, raising her arms to summon rocks…

And then the window exploded behind her, and she turned around with a scream before she was knocked over by what looked like a caribou on steroids, the flying animal trampling her underfoot.

"Awwwwww! Blondie got run over by a reindeer!" 'Santa' said, as he jumped into his sleigh. "Thank you all children! I've been waiting so long to play! As a sign of my appreciation…!" 'Santa' said, as he pulled out a Christmas ornament…and pulled the pin, tossing it into the midst of the group.

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all, GOOD NIGHT! HO HO HO!" 'Santa' roared, and flew his lone reindeer out and away from the tower.

A second later, the whole room exploded, a massive fireball blasting from the windows, as 'Santa' flew away, roaring malicious laughter.

* * *

The smoke cleared from the room.

Revealing a black shield over half of it, as Raven lowered her arms, panting slightly. That hadn't been easy, but Raven had managed to block it. Not because of her strength, but because she knew what it was. Chaos magic. A kind she recognized. The off thing that kept bothering her had finally clarified.

She looked at the Titans. Speedy and Robin were tied up in gift wrap, while Aqualad were pasted to the wall with fake snow. Mas Y Menos were cowering behind a couch, while Cyborg was stuck under a still shuddering lawn mower, the blade having shredded on his metal armor but gotten attached to him the process. Beast Boy had been tinseled to the wall, though thankfully it was a pinning situation rather then an impaling one due to the angle of the blast. Starfire was still lying dazed on the ground, as was Terra from her mild trampling: she'd tend to her first, even as she glared at the gift wrap holding Robin and Speedy. Black energy seized it and tore it off, and the two, now released, began freeing the other Titans.

"What happened? And where are our gifts?" Beast Boy asked.

"Teleported them to the next room. Because I care." Raven said, as she finished fixing up Terra.

"Ok, who the hell was that! I am gonna kick his ass so hard…" Speedy yelled, as Robin sprayed something from his belt on Aqualad and helped free him from the fake snow.

"I have no idea." Robin replied. "But considering what he just did, we better find out, fast. And will someone let Gauntlet and Bumblebee out of the closet?"

"On it." A scuffed up Cyborg said, as he used a finger laser to melt the padlock.

Gauntlet came out first, grinning like a fool.

"Oh, what are you so happy about?" Cyborg said.

Gauntlet held up a scrap of paper.

"I got digits."

* * *

"Hello, anyone there? Hello? Robin? Anyone?" Savior said into his communicator. "Still nothing. Maybe they're not back yet."

"You think anything's wrong?" Scalpel said from his section of the T-Ship.

"I can't see what could be."

* * *

"All right soldiers of non-specific gender…" Gauntlet said, dressed in a Patton helmet. "We have a situation on our hands. Santa Claus, aka Saint Niklaus, aka Father Christmas, aka the Hanukah Zombie, has turned on humanity."

"And we can't find him again, why exactly?" Robin asked Raven.

"He's not reading on any radar systems, and I can't sense him with my talent or spells. To put it simply Robin…he's empowered by the season."

"…What?"

"He essentially 'blends in' with the time…basically, it's like he was a needle in a haystack. Yeah, I could find him…but it sure wouldn't be easy. It's this time. I can't explain WHY…but since it's Christmas, he can do that, and other things. Like how strong he is. It's why he ignored all our attacks. It's the problem with chaos magic: it has a wicked sense of humor."

"Great. So where did he come from and how do we stop him?"

"Working on both."

"While the sorceress is great, our own minds have devised two theories about this issue." Gauntlet said. "One, mankind's constant naughtiness, which according to many, COUGHCOUGHSAVIOR, has increased in recent years, which has caused him to snap. Now, it is impossible to reduce the naughtiness voluntarily. So, we will have to devise a mind control device. Vic, how long would it take you to create a model capable of working on a global scale?"

"Uh…"

"…Savior?" Raven said to herself, as Gauntlet's pseudo-cough caused a few of her own puzzle pieces to fall into place.

"Theory Two is that Santa has been replaced by some sort of evil doppelganger, either a clone, a robot, or some sort of master of disguise. If that is the case, then our only hope is to find the real Santa."

"Savior did it." Raven said, more to herself then the group as she put all the pieces together.

"Now, it is believed that Santa would be placed at the exact opposite pole of his jolly powers. So, we will split into two teams. One will work on the global mind control device, while the other will launch an expedition to the Antarctic, which was unfortunately made by someone to be on the exact opposite of the Arctic…"

"Savior did this!" Raven said.

"Savior made the Antarctic on the opposite end of the Earth from the Artic?" Gauntlet said.

"No. Savior caused this evil Santa to appear."

"What? How?" Cyborg said.

"…I don't know yet. I just know he did. I'll have to ask him exactly how when he gets back."

Everyone facevaulted.

"Well, we still need to find him and stop him, and Gauntlet, the mind control/Antarctic expedition? Ain't gonna fly." Robin said.

"Well, we could always go into town and form an angry mob." Gauntlet said.

"I'll go get my pitchfork!" Terra said as she got up and ran off.

"Angry mob?" Robin said incredulously.

"Hey, it worked on Frankenstein." Gauntlet replied, as Terra returned with a pitchfork.

"Hah! You all said I'd never find a use for this thing, but who's laughing now?"

And then Terra got hit by a snowball.

"WHO KEEPS DOING THAT!"

"Does anyone have a…I can't believe I'm saying this, PRACTICAL way to beat Santa Claus?" Aqualad asked.  
"Well, a pitchfork to the heart usually works." Terra suggested.

"May I point out he took one of Speedy's explosive arrows, which is designed to stop a tank, and didn't even flinch?" Robin said.

"Ah man." Terra said, as she stroked her farm instrument. "There there Pitchy. Someday you'll get your chance."

"Look people…" Robin said.

And then a beeping came from the Titans' communicator, to signal something they had just set up: advance warning if anyone approached the Tower. All the Titans opened the communicators to take a look.

"Is it him?"

"Cyborg, where's the T-Ship?" Robin asked. Cyborg hit a few buttons.

"Still in the hanger!" Cyborg declared, not knowing that because of a glitch he was reading the ship when it was indeed out.

"ACK! HE'S BACK! MAN THE DEFENSES!" Gauntlet yelled, and the Titans scattered.

* * *

"Hello? Anyone there? Hello!" Savior said, as he bought the T-Ship in…unfortunately from the opposite site of the T-Tower so he couldn't see the hole in it. And the blast that had produced said hole had also screwed up communications: the Titans had been too busy to answer Savior before but now they literally couldn't.

"Problem?" Scalpel asked.

"Maybe. I'll go look." Savior said, as he got out of the T-Ship and headed for the nearest door.

And saw the tacks scattered around said entrance. Savior blinked.

"Well?" Scalpel asked.

"Scratch trouble. I think they're trying to prank me. I'll go in. You shut down the ship and get the tree ready…" Savior said, as he carefully stepped over the tacks. "What are they trying to prov…"

And then Savior stepped on the thick sheet of ice. Unlike Nightwalker though, he didn't exactly have a lot of grace on it.

"WHOA! WHOA!" He yelled, as he slid around, before the Shimmer kept him from falling on the tacks and doing his best Mick Foley impression. Growling, he slammed Shimmer lines into the ice, breaking it, and then headed for the door, which was unlocked.

And from which a paint can swung down when he opened it. Savior's training allowed him to dodge, and with another growl he walked into the room.

He stopped: it was dark. Savior took a deep breath to try and calm himself, as the Shimmer sought out and flicked the light switch.

"All right, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS MACAULAY CULKIN CR…"

And then voice-activated traps triggered, as Savior was sprayed with super glue and then with feathers.

He stood there for a moment, twitching.

"We got him! We got him!" Gauntlet yelled, as he and several Titans ran out, all of them dressed in ad-voc body armor like pots and pillows. "Oh. It's an entirely different brand of Scrooge."

A vein throbbed in Savior's forehead, as he tried to use Shimmer to peel some of the feathers away.

"Savior." Robin said as he also entered the room.

"Tim. Finally some sanity. WHAT'S GOING ON!"

"Actually…" Raven said, as she also entered. "We were hoping you could clear that up for us. Tell me Savior, did you touch anything while we were gone?"

* * *

"Savior is the only one of us who went through both experiences involving the horror movies at Halloween." Raven said, as the Titans sat and listened, Starfire using the heat aspect of her Starbolt powers to help clean Savior off. "The first time, at our tower, and the second time when he was spying on the Hive. Both times were the result of circumstances causing a…how shall we say, unique aspect of chaos magic manifesting, the end result was that horror films came to life. While I believed that there were no harmful aftereffects after both events ended, it appeared that Savior did indeed retain some of the latent negative magic. That was the thing that was bothering me, Savior: the stirrings of the dark power within you. I couldn't place it precisely because I was too close to it. But when Savior picked up this…" Raven said, holding up _Santa's Slay_. "The power found an outlet, mainly because this appears to be the first movie Savior's touched since then."

"Of course. He couldn't have touched some of Cyborg's extensive porn collection, or my Marvel comics, or our copy of Halo. Noooo, he just HAD to touch the BAD thing." Gauntlet said. Savior, now mostly cleaned up, glared at him.

"I vote we never rent movies again." Terra said.

"The result is the same as Halloween, except this is just one movie. Savior had brought the Santa of this film, played by a pro wrestler I believe…"

"Bill Goldberg." Robin said, having finally recognized where he recognized the evil Santa from.

"Right, this film's Santa to life. This film's Santa is really a demon on a killing spree, which is carried over here. But the magic has awarded an interesting, and by that I mean terrible, twist. This is Santa's season. He, in theory, including a chaos magic manifestation of him, would draw power from it. Or at least that's what the forces of evil like to think, because it's clear that he's virtually indestructible. Now, while that does not mean he's unstoppable…it means we have a problem. Now we need a…"

"Let me get this straight." Savior suddenly said. "We are faced with an evil Santa, with a bottomless bag of tricks and invincibility which is inexplicably due to this being Christmas, somehow letting him draw power from some vague undefined well, power we have no idea how to measure, counter, or stop, from an evil Santa I brought to life because I picked up a movie, just when everything was finally starting to look up?"

"…Yes, pretty much."

"………………………AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Savior bellowed. "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE! IT JUST WON'T END! MALL ROBBERIES! TOY RIOTS!…"

"Actually that was due to Professor Chang's emotion warping ray, he caused it." Robin interjected.

"REALLY? GOOD TO KNOW! BUT NOT GOOD ENOUGH! BECAUSE NO SOONER DO WE GO THROUGH ALL THAT THEN WE'RE FACED WITH AN INVINCIBLE EVIL SANTA! I'VE HAD IT! NO MORE! I QUIT!"

"You quit the Titans?" Robin said, shocked.

"NO! I QUIT THIS FANFIC! I REFUSE TO APPEAR IN ANY MORE OF THIS BRAIN-NUMB, OVERLONG, PERVERTED, CRAZY, TORMENTING PIECE OF GARBAGE WRITTEN BY A GOOSE-STEPPING ARM RAISING SIG HEILING EUROPE INVADING WAR STARTING AUTHOR, OR AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT SHE SHOULD BE DOING BECAUSE SHE'S MORE OF A DICTATOR THEN I'VE EVER SEEN AND I HAVE HAD IT AND I **_QUIT!_**" Savior bellowed as he stormed off to the side. He did not come back.

"….So…Santa?" Gauntlet said.

"…Yeah. We need to deal with this problem." Robin said.

"Well, brute force won't work. Logic clearly won't work…how about if we destroy the DVD?"

"But the store will be mad!" Beast Boy said.

"Oh for the love of…we donated five million dollars to charity this year, we can take a twenty dollar hit for a DVD!" Robin said.

"That won't work." Raven said. "We need to send him back INTO the movie, and to do that we have to beat him. If we have no movie, then we can't send him back. The trick is finding a way."

"Can't we just wait until Christmas passes, when in theory his powers will fail?" Aqualad said.

"And let him run riot for two days? Forget it." Robin said.

"What if Starfire left him on the moon?" Terra suggested. They looked at her. "Uh…could be the power of obscure irony…or something."

"No, I don't like the potential results of that. 'Psshhhaw this is an astronaut from 2046, we are doing the first lunar landing in 75 years…' 'HO HO HO!' 'What? I didn't hear you in space…'" Cyborg mimicked.

**Amazing how after an eruption like Noel's, they can just go on making jokes.**

_It's probably best he left. This story was making him way too high-strung. Wait, he's naturally like that._

**_I'm high-strung eh?_**

**Ack! How did you get in here? This is authors only!**

_**The back door's unlocked. So, this is where the puppet strings are pulled, huh? Getting your jollies?**_

_Actually, I'm trying to entertain people and make them laugh, and hence make them happy, which is the true point of Christmas and something you should do well to remember, Noel._

**_What would you know about me?_**

_I created you as you know yourself, dumbass._

_**Whatever. I'm not going back.**_

Fine. You want to sit up here and do director's commentary? 

_**No. Is that the script? I'd rather direct!**_

_Hey! Give that back!_

"All right, considering how messed up the situation is…Ok, I have the solution for our problem." Gauntlet said.

**Give that back! You can't write the story!**

_**Unless you want a Shimmer enema, YES I CAN.**_

"We need to intentionally use that chaos magic to free the evil robot Santa from Futurama, and tell him that someone else is claiming to be Santa. Then, robot Santa will kill Goldberg Santa. It's the only logical solution, given the circumstances." Gauntlet said.

**_Oh that's ridiculous! Change it!_**

WHIR-

"Ok, I have the solution to our problem." Gauntlet said. "We need to use that gigantic laser cannon in the Justice League satellite to destroy him for good! It's the only logical solution, given the circumstances."

**_Ugh! Change it!_**

WHIR-

"We need to call Superman in and have him toss him into the sun! It's our only…"

**_Change it!_**

"We need to fight him again, but this time use weapons based on the rival holidays, like Kwanzaa and Hanukah. It's…"

**_Change!_**

"We need to convince him to use the Mayan calendar so he'll see it's not Christmas, rendering him powerless…"

_**Change!**_

"If we could build some kind of wooden badger…"

**_Change!_**

"We need to baste him in teriyaki sauce and shove him into the shark tank at Sea World!"

_**CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE!**_

"Our only hope is…um…I had a bunch of great ideas, but now I've forgotten them all. And for some reason, I'm mad at Savior." Gauntlet said.

_Alright, enough character bashing there Scrooge. Give us the script back._

**_NEVE…hey! _**

**Change!**

"I know! We have to find another holiday warrior from another movie, and bring him to life to battle evil Santa!" Gauntlet said.

**_Oh for the love of CH…_**

"That might just work." Raven said.

**_Whuh?_**

"We've never had two of these manifestations battle each other…but in theory they would emit the same kind of energy. The two might cancel each other out, give us a better chance." Raven said.

…**_All right, if my girlfriend thinks it makes sense, stick with it._**

_Since when did you become an author? I've half a mind to scar your face with acid so you'll be less of a Stu…_

**Charlie, the story?**

_Oh, right._

"Ok then…but just who are we going to bring to life?" Robin asked.

Gauntlet gave a wide grin.

"I have the perfect candidate."

* * *

"You're sure this will work?" Scalpel asked Raven, as the Titans gathered around the mystical symbol she had drawn on the floor.

"I'm an empath, tuned to certain things. I've felt this chaos effect, so I should be able to duplicate it. I just never thought I'd have a reason to." Raven said. "Ok, back up. This should work…or most of the state will be blown off the map, one of the two."

The Titans looked horrified.

"Kidding, kidding!" Raven said, and closed her eyes. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos… Azarath Metrion Zinthos…"

Power began to course through Raven, as the DVD rose up before her.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos… Azarath Metrion Zinthos…AZARATH METRION ZINTHOS…" Raven uttered as she opened her eyes, the pupils glowing pitch black, as a form began to emerge from the DVD.

"ZINTHOS!"

WHAM!

"This is Halloween! This is-OWTCH!" The immensely tall and spindly figure sang before he twirled and bashed into a wall. "I don't remember there being a wall there…hmmmmmm?" The figure said, as he turned, rubbing his nose and looking around.

Or rather, rubbing where he would have a nose, if he had one. Which he didn't.

The Titans stared in amazement, most unable to believe that it worked, as Raven set her legs down.

"Hello, Jack Skellington." She said. "Welcome to our world."


	11. Part 11

Part 11

"All right, let's see if I understand…" Jack said, as he knelt down near a table where Raven, Robin, and Bumblebee were. "You have called me from my realm for my aid, because an evil version of Sandy Claws has gotten loose here, and I…am somehow needed for you to stop him?"

"Yes." Raven said. "I will admit though, we did this without your consent. We had no way of contacting you, so we just brought you. If you wish, we can return you home and deal with this problem by ourselves."

"Hmmmmmmm…" Jack said, scratching his nonexistent chin. "Well, I am still not sure what I can do…well, besides, GRAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Jack bellowed, making his best scary face and noise. The Titans recoiled a bit, while there was a high-pitched pair of screams and then the sound of a door slamming.

"Well, he just permanently traumatized Mas Y Menos." Speedy commented.

"Yikes. Haven't lost your touch, Jack." Raven said.

"Why thank you Madame Raven. Well, since you had such high faith in me to summon me, of all the forces you could, I should at least try to help you. Besides, I do love your costumes…though I must admit, most of you have a LITTLLLE too much color."

"Ok then…Jack…" Robin said, still not sure if all this was really happening. Sophie, meanwhile, was approaching shyly.

"Um…Mr. Jack?"

"Yes?"

"…Could you sign this for me? I'm a big fan." Sophie said, holding up a Jack promo shot.

"Really? You look like a big human to me." Jack said, and signed the picture. Sophie held it up, looking gushy, while Scalpel growled and glared nearby.

"I say you can scare him." Sophie said.

"And even if you can't, there must be something you can do." Raven said.

"Perhaps I can sing! Oh this is…"

"STOP!" Robin yelled.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Um…you can't sing here."

"Uh…you just can't."

"But I'm Jack Skellington! I have to sing!"

"But you can't."

"Why?"

**Sorry Jack, this site doesn't allow copyrighted songs. Which yours are. So you can't sing.**

"But, but…"

"They'll be plenty of time for singing after we save the day." Gauntlet said, jumping in with the save.

"…all right, if you insist." Jack said.

_Hey I'd want singing too, just not allowed…_

"...THIS IS…!" Jack tried to begin anyway.

An eraser came down and erased Jack's mouth.

**Sorry man, this goes beyond even MY power. Don't make it difficult.**

The pencil drew Jack's mouth back in.

"…All right, you called me to help. How do I help?" Jack said.

"Well Jack, first we have to find this Santa that was unleashed." Raven said. "Robin?"

"Well, let's see…where would an evil Santa thinking he has free reign go…and do…in the hands of two authors who can't stop doing random humour and parodies?"

* * *

Apparently, he had decided that trying to kill a whole city would take too long or get repetitive so fast, so he'd had a new idea.

"You're a mean one, Santa Claus!" Santa Claus, as played in a film by Bill Goldberg, and hereby referred to as Santaberg, sang to himself as he shoved various electronics into his sack.

**Hey! You have to follow the same rules you know!**

"Oh bite me!" Santaberg shot back.

_**Great choice for a villain here guys. He won't even listen to you. How many times were you dropped on your heads as babies? I think you might have a claim for Guinness.**_

_Oh shut up!_

"You're a mean one, Santa Claus!" Santaberg continued. "Your heart's as black as the midnight sky! You're a double evil burger with a side of evil fries, Santa Claussssssss! Now in the old days I'd continue on with the Suessian parody but the site has banned copyrighted songs in stories so I can't continue and get any more amusement from you suckers, ha, Xing you're my kind of GUYYYYYY!" Santaberg sang, as he threw the full sack into the back of his sleigh. "That's the last one! On Berserker! HAH!" Santa said, as his demonic deer took off and carried Santa to an absolutely gigantic pile of toys, electronics, and pretty every single possible gift you could think of in between. Except any Gamestation 470's. What, you're surprised?

"Almost done! Onward!" Santaberg said, as he flew off to loot another store. Sure, some cops and such had tried to stop him…Santaberg had made them wish the worst thing about Christmas was yellow snowballs. After looting a few more places, he came back with another stuffed sack.

And found some guests.

"Well well well! I guess you kids are tougher then the average fruitcake!" Santaberg said. "But don't think you can stop me! This is still my night!"

"It's December 23rd." Beast Boy said.

"Semantics!" Santaberg said, and growled at the Titans.

The camera panned over the group and the evil Santa….and to the two narrators, who were hiding behind the Christmas pile.

"Oh man, this is too much for me! Lemme outta here!" Dickens said, as he peered from behind the gigantic pile of Christmas stuff.

"I'm with you. Sorry people, this is too much for me. We'll see you at the finale." Charlie said, and the two snuck off. "Besides, I doubt Savior will stay tied to a chair for long."

_**Try 'almost no time at all'. Now where's that script?**_

"Oh no! Run!"

"What's the big deal dude? What happened? You're Santa Claus! How could you do this to the kids?" Beast Boy protested.

"Oh be silent green one! You know nothing of pain! I have suffered a thousand years of torment, breaking my back for you ungrateful humans and your snot-nosed greedy brats. And now…NOW I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE BY KILLING CHRISTMAS!"

"You can't kill Christmas!" Starfire declared.

"Oh really? My 200 pounds of C4 and I would disagree with you!"

"Is this where I run around in a blind panic?" Scalpel asked Bumblebee. She shushed him.

"No, really! You can't kill Christmas! It's an abstract concept, and thus has no corporeal form!" Gauntlet said.

"…Oh." Santaberg said. "Well then! I shall destroy all this junk, along with your local shopping mall, until I find this corporeal form you speak of!"

"NO! NOT JAMBA JUICE! YOU MONSTER!" Gauntlet cried.

"HAH! How are you going to stop me?" Santaberg declared.

"We're not." Raven said, as she floated down. "He, on the other hand…" Raven said, and pointed.

Santaberg blinked, and then turned around.

"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Jack bellowed in Santaberg's face.

Santaberg, much like the 'actor' who played him used to do in his old career, completely no sold it.

"What the hell was that?" He said, and then ran and speared Jack, which much to the shock and horror of the Titans, shattered him into pieces.

"…We're boned." Gauntlet said.

**_Where would you Titans be without me?_**

Santaberg's head then exploded…

_Oh no you don't, give me that!_

…with sound, as he laughed again while standing up and turning around.

"Who's next?" He snarled.

"…Everyone! Titans, go!" Robin ordered, and the Titans charged.

Well, most of them did. Raven warped over to Jack, and a few seconds later Gauntlet joined them with Mas Y Menos.

"I'm sorry Jack. We failed to take into account potential differences between our world and ours. You seem to be a bit more fragile in this world." Raven said.

"That's all right. I've had worse. How is the battle going?"

**_Oh great, here comes another 40 page fight scene!_**

_Nah, not this time. Maybe next Christmas._

WHAM, BOOM!

"OW! Candy canes should not be that sharp!"

POW, WHACK! KABOOM!

"Have some fruitcake children! 1000 years old and still edible!"

"AHHHHHH!"

THWICK!

"Oh come on, I shot you in the head!"

CRASH!

"Where did he get a pine tree? LOOK OUT!"

SMASH! WHAM!

"Could be better." Raven said dryly. "We're going to put your back together."

"Much appreciated."

"What's see what's in Santa's sack!"

"Let's not and say we did!"

CLANK, KLONK!

"Oh look, a flame thrower!"

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!

"AHHHHH! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!"

_**You know, you may think this is amusing, but what it really is is confusing dribble.**_

_Oh, who died and made you god?_

"Man, this is a lot harder then it looks. How did that song go? The leg bone's connected to the…something! The something's connected to the…black thing! The black thing's connected to my, gauntlet!…Uh oh." Gauntlet said.

BLAM, KAPOW!

"Annoying bug!"

WHACK!

"Huh, a fly swatter. At least he's prepared."

_**I mean, what the hell were you smoking? I pick up a movie and bring an Evil Santa Claus to life, so the Titans bring JACK SKELLINGTON TO LIFE AS WELL TO FIGHT HIM? What the hell! On a 1-10 scale of stupidity, with 10 being the most stupid thing to have ever existed in the entire annuals of written fiction, that rates about a 178!**_

_Forget biting the hand that feeds you, I don't even have an arm left._

ROAR! GROWL! THUD! YIPEYIPEYIPE!

"I have a new toy children!"

WHOOOOOOOOOOOSH!

"WHERE DID HE GET A JETPACK?"

"There we go." Raven said, as the four finished assembling Jack.

"My thanks." Jack Skellington said.

And then Santaberg crashed through Jack again, scattering him once more as he flew on via his jetpack, being chased by Starfire, Bumblebee, and Cyborg hopping on one leg as he tried to reattach his other-one in mid-movement.

"…Well, at least you've had some practice." Jack said, as the four Titans sighed and tried to rebuild him again.

POW! CRACK! WHAM!

"HO HO HO…!"

CRACK! Sputter sputter…poof.

"HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

CRASH!

"Get him! ATTACK!"

THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD.

WHOOSH!

"GAS! RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY!"

"Your companions certainly are noisy." Jack commented, as Raven affixed his skull to his ribs and one arm, while Mas Y Menos worked to assembled the legs.

"I never did find their off switch."

"LOOK OUT! NOW HE HAS A WEED WHACKER!"

BUZZ! BUZZ!

"MY HAIR! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!"

BOOM! BANG! THUD!

"Argh, we're not making a dent!"

"Quick, hit him with the kitchen sink!"

THU-CRASH!

"Great! It just made him madder!"

WHO-OOSH!

"Wait a minute, Santa can't breathe fireballs!"

"Says who?"

BOOM! KABOOM!

"LOOK OUT! HE'S GOT A BOARD WITH A NAIL STUCK IN IT!"

"There we go." Gauntlet said as Jack was reassembled once more. "You all right?"

"I'm already dead." Jack said. "I can't see…"

A massive explosion sounded, and the Titans came flying across the roof, slamming into their companions and knocking poor Menos senseless. Ironically, the only one not hit was Jack, as he'd seen it coming and leapt out of the way.

"Ok Jack! Now's your time! Use some of your Kingdom Hearts moves on him! You can be like all, watcha, hiya!" Gauntlet said as he got to one knee and shadowboxed for emphasis.

"Kingdom what?" Jack said, confused.

"…Oh right, I forgot the movie came before the game." Gauntlet said.

Then a lump of coal slammed into Gauntlet's head, and he fell to the ground, stars in his eyes. Much to his surprise, Jack realized all the Titans were down, and most were injured in some way.

And in standing among their shattered forms, he realized just how much faith they had put in him, a complete stranger to them in all but the most basic senses, to aid them in such a mortal battle.

Then a Christmas ball grenade was flying at him, and Jack once again leapt out of the way, showing great agility for someone who didn't have any muscles. He did not look happy.

_**Well, here comes the typical Super Saiyan eruption of power.**_

_Be quiet!_

"What are you doing!" Jack yelled. "You're not supposed to hurt them! Terrify them, that I can understand, but why do you hurt them? How can one celebrate a holiday if there is no one to celebrate it?"

"Oh be quiet! Holidays are ridiculous time wasters where the fat and selfish find new ways to waste time! Well, not any more! I'm free, and I'm canceling the holidays! I'm canceling Christmas, New Year's, Valentine's Day, Halloween, St. Patrick's Day, Mardi Gras, Veteran's Day, Bastille Day, Oktoberfest, Decemberween, and everything else!" Santaberg growled. "What are you going to do about it, stick man?"

Despite having a skull of bone and no brows to actually furl, Jack did a very good job anyway as his expression transformed into a countenance of pure fury.

"How dare…you take that visage…what it means…I tried it once, I was wrong, but I admit it, but you do far worse, and revel in it…in pain…you…you!"

"Oh what are you going to do, scream at me again?"

"No."

And Jack slammed his hand into the ground.

"And I am no stick man! Allow me to introduce myself. I, JACK!"

And then Jack's arm burst into fire, fire that traveled up Jack's body, and it didn't just ignite Jack, it changed Jack, his perfectly formed suit transforming to flaming rags as the flames consumed his head and morphed into a demonic pumpkin.

"THE PUMPKIN KING!" He roared.

And then he leaned back and forward, belching a gigantic amount of fire at Santaberg.

"Ho no." The construct said.

The fire ignited the evil manifestation, and he yelled and screamed, running about, all aflame, as Raven rose up, holding her head with one hand but looking satisfied.

"Maybe WE couldn't hurt him, coming from our mortal plane…but I'm afraid Jack's from out of town." Raven said, as Santaberg collapsed, burning merrily, as Jack himself slumped, his flaming rags and pumpkin head burning off to reveal his normal skeleton self.

**_Can Jack even do that?_**

_YES! Now shut up!_

"Whooo. Hadn't done that in a while." Jack said, and shook his head.

"You did good Jack. Thank you." Raven said. The Titans, back up (despite Jack's assessment, they hadn't really been all that badly hurt), nodded their agreement.

"Ah. You're welcome, my friends. I must admit, I see much of myself in…"

"HO HO HO HO HO!" Santaberg laughed, and everyone snapped their heads back to see that he was back up, and didn't even have a scorch mark on his suit.

"No! Come on! That's impossible!" Gauntlet yelled.

"Impossible? Hah! That fire didn't harm me at all! No! It just destroyed the layer of invincible holiday armor around my body, hence leaving me vulnerable to any and all attacks you…might…make…oh crap." Santaberg said as he looked at all the grinning Titans.

"Shall I let you handle it from here?" Jack asked.

"Oh yes." Robin said. "And as for you…you're going down in history."

"Oh, but I still haven't given you all your presents!" Santaberg said.

And then he magically produced a sack and emptied it out…revealing a rather large number of grenades.

"SCATTER!" Robin yelled, and then the roof erupted with explosions, as the Titans did their best to avoid them, as Raven carried Jack backwards and away.

As Santaberg pulled off his overcoat and charged into the Titans, punching and kicking them down, apparently not perturbed by the loss of his invincibility at all, as he plowed through the Titans, knocking them down like bowling pins. It looked grim once more…

**_Oh god, enough. If you want to do anything right, you do it yourself!_**

And Savior leapt out of nowhere as Santaberg charged at Robin, landing behind the manifestation. With one quick Shimmer stab to the back of Santaberg's head, the horror creature pitched forward and landed on his face, quite dead.

"…NO!" Gauntlet yelled. "You do not sit out the entire fight and then just leap in and save the day! It's not fair! Stu! I call Stu!"

"Be quiet Rob, and be thankful that you'll always have me to pull your chestnuts out of the fire." Savior said. "Really…I mean, what has it come to when the Titans can't beat a pro wrestler dressed up as Santa?"

"It was more then…oh forget it, I don't want to hear another…wait…" Gauntlet said to himself. "Just where did Savior come from…"

"Well, where other's fail there's me…"

**Oh great. Getting a chance to sit with the authors has corrupted him into a COMPLETE asshole.**

"I mean, this is probably why I don't like Christmas. It's full of frivolous nonsense. I'm a man of the serious things in life…"

_Oh great, now I hate my own character. I guess I'm going to have to kill him off…_

"Because life is serious, and a serious mess, and men like me need to fix it…"

**Augh, make it stop! Make it stop!**

**_ She can't do it captain! She doesn't have the power!_**

_Yeah I…AHHHHHHH! Gauntlet, how did you get in here?_

_**Well I theorized that if I went wherever Noel came from…and here I am! Nice joint! But your ending leaves a lot to be desired! Lemme fix it!**_

_Wait…

* * *

_

REDO!

* * *

**_Oh god, enough. If you want to do anything right, you do it yourself!_**

And Savior leapt out of nowhere as Santaberg charged at Robin, landing…in front of the manifestation.

Savior's face washed over with confusion.

"What? I was aiming…!"

Santaberg speared Noel, sending them both crashing through a window that had appeared out of nowhere behind them, slamming Savior hard into the ground.

"…Where did that window come from?" Santaberg asked. "Well, no matter. HO HO HO! I win! Even without my protection, you're still no match for me!"

**As glad as I am you knocked some sense into Savior, Gauntlet, we are now faced with the problem of not having an ending!**

**_An ending? Why didn't you say so?_**

And then a giant shadow loomed over Santaberg, and he turned and looked up to see what it was.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

And then the giant turkey ate Santaberg, gulping him down in one bite.

_**There we go. An ending.**_

……………_Sure! Why not!_

"What the…how in…the…where did…HUH?" Robin said. The turkey gobbled, scratched at its snood…and then turned towards the Titans.

"Hey guys!" Gauntlet said as he reappeared. "Good to know that the battle is…oh crud it's still hungry." Gauntlet said as he actually saw the turkey firsthand.

_If you didn't consider the Titans still have to deal with a GIANT TURKEY!_

"GOBBLEGOBBLE!" The turkey squawked as it charged at the Titans, who watched in horror as the shadow leaned over them…

But just as the giant bird lunged, the animator suffered a fatal heart attack!

"UGH!" (Dies)

And the gigantic beast, faded from existence!

**_There we go!_**

_WILL YOU GET OUT OF HERE!_

**_Geez, I don't get no respect…

* * *

_**

"Well guys, I'm not fully sure what happened…but the evil Santa is gone, and that all that matters." Robin said.

"I must say…your world is quite interesting. But I think I prefer mine." Jack said.

"You've done what we asked, and we thank you again." Raven said, being polite. "Give me a moment, and then we can return to my place of power and send you home."

"I thank you as well, but I also have a question, Madame Raven."

"Yes?"

"Do you need your place of power to send me back?"

"…Well, it helps, and it has the…artifact I need…but I suppose if I had said artifact I could do it on this roof."

"…Then why, and I'm not complaining, I enjoyed this little adventure…then why did you not just do the same to banish the Santa imposter?"

DEAD silence.

"…………………………………………………D'OH!" Raven yelled, slamming her hand into her head. The Titans burst out laughing: even Jack smiled a bit.

"You are wise as well as powerful and great, Pumpkin King." Raven said, now through gritted teeth. "Come, I shall return you home to your people…and if I can help it, never look at your movie again."

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing, oh great Jack Skellington." Raven said, and with that the two left.

"Man, she MUST have been mad: she completely forgot about her boyfriend." Speedy said, pointing to Savior, who was still lying on the ground.

"Why not? He's been doing his best to have us forget about him. Leave him there." Bumblebee said.

Gauntlet was poking Savior with his foot, as the teen's eyes fluttered open. He groaned and put one hand on his forehead as he sat up, blinking a few times as he looked at his team, which gave him a neutral look back.

"…Did you win?" He asked.

"Yeah. We fixed your mistake." Robin replied. He managed to only let a slight slip of insinuation into his voice, but it was enough, as Savior groaned and winced.

"…One can think, one can ponder, one can obsess, one can introspect, one can discuss, one can theorize, one can even fixate to the point where all other things fall away…but sometimes, nothing can help make things clearer then a good, hard whack on the head." Savior said.

"Oh my, really? I was thinking you had such a thick skull that it could probably withstand heavy cannon fire." Cyborg said.

"I deserved that." Savior said, as he slowly got up. "I have finally realized just what is wrong with Christmas: unless the world hands me a reason not to, I use it as an excuse to be a jerk."

"THAT'S RIGHT! HE CAN BE TAUGHT!" Gauntlet said, as he suddenly popped up next to Savior and stuck a graduation cap on his head. Savior removed it, though with far less rancor then he usually showed, i.e. no rancor.

"…I'm sorry guys. I really screwed up. And I treated you inexcusably in the process. You should just all go: I don't deserve to spend time with you." Savior said, and turned around.

Pause.

"Nice try Savior. But even when you're down, I can still see the wheels in your head turning. You're not getting off the hook by trying to make us feel sorry for you." Robin said. Savior grimaced, and turned around again.

"Damn. You always were too damn good Robin."

"And you always were too damn manipulative. You want to say something? Say it from the heart."

"…Ok." Savior said. "I'm sorry guys. This is all my fault, not yours. Always was. I'm sorry. Really. Forgive me?"

"…Awwwwww, I never could say no to that face!" Gauntlet said, and pinched one of Savior's cheeks. Savior's old expression of annoyance passed over his face, but only briefly.

"So you actually do forgive me?"

"Of course Savior. You might be a jackass…but what kind of people would we be if we held that against you?" Cyborg said.

"Ok, hold it. It's all fine and good that your team's gonna forgive you S, but me…heck no. Why should I be nice to someone who was anything but? The way you acted…there's outright disrespect, and then there's disrespect so subtle you don't even realize it. And you did plenty of the latter. And I'm not so easy to be placated after someone has acted in such a way towards my friends, his own friends, and myself." Bumblebee said.

"…I suppose you have a point, Miss Beecher." Savior said. "…Would a peace offering help?"

"What?"

"Well, you say I wasn't feeling the season. And this is the season of giving, right?" Savior said. "While I was lying there trying to unscramble my brain, I had an idea."

"What kind of idea?"

"Well…most of that stuff…maybe I'm wrong, but it still seems to be in pretty good shape." Savior said, pointing to the massive gathering of stuff Santaberg had stolen. "And chances are we'll never figure out just what went where in what store…and…well…most stores these days…they've made more then enough money by now…and they have insurance." Savior said.

The Titans stared at Savior.

Though it was indeed nice, Savior's smile and chuckle bore just a little bit of the Grinch.

"Savior, are you suggesting we just give all this merchandise away?" Robin said.

"Give it away? Why Robin, remember. Some Santa freak stole it. And we don't always win." Savior said.

Robin stared at him…and then he smirked himself.

"Yes, we do lose sometimes. What a pain. Oh well, life goes on." Robin said, and turned towards the pile.

"Yes it does."

"…Oh COME ON guys. I'm all for some gift giving but are you really going to let him off that quickly?" Bumblebee complained.

"Ah Karen, but remember…Scrooge was redeemed in a night. For me…why not a head blow and a few sentences?" Savior asked,

"You're still a bastard." Bumblebee said, though the animosity had left her voice.

"I'll put him aside. He's overexposed." as he walked over to the edge of the roof. "Time for some generosity in redemption! For what's today, my fine fellow!"

"It's December 23rd you moron!" The stranger on the street yelled back.

"An intelligent lad. A remarkable lad." Savior said, some sarcasm creeping back into his voice.

And then someone threw a snowball at…!

"Yoink!" Savior said, grabbing the snowball and tossing it down at the stranger.

"Ow! Someone just hit me with a snowball!"

"The prize turkey's no longer in the window, it's walking on the street." Savior commented, and then turned and headed for the pile of stuff.

* * *

_"Have yourself a merry little…" _

**Wait wait wait, you used this song last year! No recyling!**

_Fine, fine._

"But shouldn't we be giving away food, instead of toys and televisions and all that?" Raven said, back after having sent Jack home.

"Well, one, 'Santa' didn't, uh, borrow food, and two…they can now save the money they would have to spend on this stuff to buy food." Robin tried to rationalize.

"What if they've already bought the stuff and hence have no money for food in the first place?"

"…Music!"

_Good King Wenceslas looked out on the Feast of Stephen,_

_When the snow lay round about, deep and crisp and even;_

_Brightly shone the moon that night, tho' the frost was cruel,_

_When a poor man came in sight gath'ring winter fuel…_

Gauntlet, Terra, Aqualad, and Sophie left roughly a metric ton of toys outside the main orphanage of Jump City. The man who answered the door wasn't really all that surprised to see them.

_"Hither, page, and stand by me, if thou know'st it, telling,_

_Yonder peasant, who is he? Where and what his dwelling?"_

_"Sire, he lives a good league hence, underneath the mountain;_

_Right against the forest fence, by Saint Agnes' fountain…"_

"Got a nice deal on those with my 'special' negotiating skills." Scalpel said as he exited the pawnshop with a huge claw full of cash. He went to the nearest soup kitchen, while the pawn shop clerk wondered what he was going to do with all the expensive stuff the Titan had just sold him. Like get it all inside.

Then it was all inside, much to his amazement.

"Feliz Navidad." Mas Y Menos said, and zoomed off.

_"Bring me flesh, and bring me wine, bring me pine logs hither:_

_Thou and I will see him dine, when we bear them thither."_

_Page and monarch, forth they went, forth they went together;_

_Through the rude wind's wild lament and the bitter weather…_

"But what are we going to do with all these TV's?" The nurse at the hospital asked.

"Use the money you save in the budget to get more medicine." Cyborg suggested.

"And get cable." Beast Boy said, and smirked as he, Cyborg, Speedy, and Bumblebee took off in the T-Car.

_"Sire, the night is darker now, and the wind blows stronger;_

_Fails my heart, I know not how, I can go no longer."_

_"Mark my footsteps, my good page. Tread thou in them boldly:_

_Thou shalt find the winter's rage freeze thy blood less coldly..."_

"Huh. That's a lot of houses." Savior said, and then glanced back the huge pile of stuff he, Gauntlet, Starfire, and Raven were carrying with their respective powers.

"…Guess we'll have to double up on most of them." Robin said.

"Triple, even." Savior said.

_In his master's steps he trod, where the snow lay dinted;_

_Heat was in the very sod which the saint had printed…_

It took some time, but all the gifts were left. By that time, the rest of the Titans had regathered with the house-giving group. A word to Mas Y Menos, and every door was knocked on.

_Therefore, Christian men, be sure, wealth or rank possessing…_

As the doors started being answered, the Titans faded back into the night.

_Ye who now will bless the poor, shall yourselves find blessing…

* * *

_

"Ah, good to be home." Scalpel said, as all the Titans headed back in.

And stopped as they saw it all. The giant mess the main room was in. The unbelievable chaos in the kitchen from Cyborg's attempts to make a tofurkey. Not to mention the fact the gifts were scattered haphazardly all over the place with a large fresh tree dripping needles and sap on the floor leaned up against the wall.

"…Well, what better way to spend Christmas Eve then cleaning up together?" Savior said.

"…Together?" Robin said, and then all the Titans turned towards him. Savior's eyes diluted a bit.

"…What?"

"Didn't you say, Savior, that you'd do ALL the Christmas busywork?"

"…..Oh fiddlesticks."


	12. Part 12: Conclusion

Part 12

* * *

December 24th

"Well, I suppose it is deserved. A toast to Noel, who did such a damn good job making order sprung from chaos." Robin said. Indeed, under the 'watchful' eye of all the Titans, Savior had spent the entire day cleaning, fixing, and reparing everything. "Well done. And one more toast to him, the man who finally found the way to the heart of the season is just to look for the obvious. It took you long enough, but better late then never. Congratulations, Noel!" Tim said, as he saluted Noel, who had finally let Tim use his real name in front of the Titans East, with a champagne flute of hot chocolate.

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…" Noel snored.

"…Eh, let him sleep for now." Robin said. "Well Titans, all in all, it was a pretty good…"

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Came a loud laugh as the floor erupted, a hideous monster coming up through the floor boards as a repulsive mutant doctor rode it. Before the Titans could do anything, it had swallowed Mas Y Menos.

"Prepare to die Titans, at my hand, DR. SLUG!" The mutant declared.

"DOCTOR SLUG! The oft referenced but never seen number one enemy of Darkwing Duck?" Gauntlet yelled.

"We don't have time for this. Dr. Slug, meet mister Salt Arrow." Speedy said.

THWIP-THWIP!

"ARGH! MELTING, MELTING! BLLARRRGGHHH…" Dr. Slug wailed as he and his monster melted back the way they had come, spitting out the speedster twins before they vanished, amazingly causing the floorboards to set back down in the exact same position they had been in before his appearance.

"Man, I've been waiting so long to use those arrows." Speedy said, as Mas Y Menos shook off the slime, which amazingly disappeared, and sat back down on the couch.

"Uh…you ok guys?" Bumblebee asked.

"Multa fina!"

"Me siento muy bien!"

"Uhhhhh…did I miss something?" Savior said as he woke up.

"Nothing much." Cyborg declared. Savior blinked, and then started sipping at his cooled hot chocolate.

"So, Star, I noticed you didn't go look for Santa this year. Finally realize the truth?" Terra asked. Robin gave Terra a sideways glare: Starfire had been rather traumatized by the whole Santaberg thing and was still a bit hesitant when speaking, and just when he thought she'd finally dealt with it, Terra had to go say something like that…

"…No…he is still out there…but after that manifestation…I have had just about enough of Father Christmas this year." Starfire said, and sipped her mustard. "But next year, he will be mine!"

Then again, Starfire was stronger then even Tim realized at time.

"All right then. Then everything's fixed, everything's set, and everything's done. So, Merry Christmas everyone." Robin said, and they all clinked glasses.

"And to all a good night." Savior said as he got up. "I'd like to stay longer guys, really this time, but I'm exhausted. I'll see you all tomorrow."

"All right Noel."

"Nighty-night!"

"Buenos noches!"

"Sweet dreams!"

"I'd prefer eight hours." Savior said, as he walked, slowly to his room. He found it, and sat down on his chair, taking off his boots before he leaned back and took a breath, trying to relax.

And then he sensed it, as Raven appeared from the shadows. But not in her usual attire.

"Merry Christmas, Noel." She said, as he looked up in her, bedecked in a long red fur robe…and under that a Mrs. Claus outfit. Yeah, she'd said never to Terra…but only because she believed such things should be private.

Savior cocked his head, looking up at the dusky woman before she swung the cloak around him and sat on his lap.

"Sure I deserve this?" He asked.

"Better then the lump of coal you were going to give yourself." Raven said, and kissed him deep.

* * *

December 25th

"It's Christmas! Wake up! Wake up everyone!" Beast Boy's voice rang through the tower. Noel blinked his eyes open, then grabbed Raven's alarm clock.

"Quarter past six. They let us sleep in this year." Noel said.

And we pan out the room, as Christmas broke over Jump City with the frenzy it does everywhere, as we look over the whole city and then come back to the Tower.

"Hey there!" Dickens said on the roof.

"Yep, we're back! Said we would be!" Charlie said. "Christmas had come to Jump City, and the Titans had survived once more. Of course, we never know what will happen next year…but for now, let's see the end of this year…" Charlie said, as we panned down through the roof.

Inside the main room, Beast Boy, Mas Y Menos, and Gauntlet were already tearing at their gifts, while Robin tried to regain order, Starfire watched happily, Bumblebee, Speedy, and Aqualad looked sleepily on, Cyborg brewed coffee, Scalpel and Sophie sat on a couch…

And Terra got hit by a snowball!

"THAT'S IT! I AM GETTING YOU THIS TIME!" Terra yelled, as she turned and ran down the hallway and around the corner. "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU-HUH?"

"Whoowhoowhoopwhoopwhoop!" Slade yelped as he ran down the hall. For a moment, Terra thought she was dreaming.

Then Slade tripped and fell, and with a poof of smoke, he turned into…Larry the Titan.

"Larry! It was you? Why did you keep hitting me with snowballs?…And why were you disguised as Slade?" Terra said.

"Um…that girl told me to do it." Larry said, pointing. Terra looked.

A snowball hit Terra in the face, and far off in the distance a Hispanic girl ran off, whooping like Zoidberg, even as Larry vanished in a poof of smoke. As snow ran down her face, Terra sighed, gave up on making any sense of it at all, and wiped the snow off before rejoining her friends.

_And I'm done tormenting Terra for you. You know who you are._

_**Sure I do! Hey, you ever gonna lock this back door? **_

_ARGH!

* * *

_

"Sounds like a pretty chaotic morning." Savior said as he headed down the halls with Raven, both dressed in their robes.

"You did put all the presents in the right spots, didn't you?" Raven said.

"Yes I…have…oh dear." Savior said.

"What?"

"My little photo project…um…I put all the photos in the envelopes…but I forgot to label them, I just put them on the pile of gifts for whoever was going to give them…but with the mess our more enthusiastic members will make of the presents' arrangement…there's a good chance the envelopes might get…mixed up…"

"WHAT THE HELL!"

"Make that a certainty."

* * *

"Beast Boy! What the hell were you thinking!" Bumblebee yelled, waving the photos she had found in the envelope she had been given. "You pervert! You cheater! You no good…!"

"Wait wait, there must be an explanation!" Beast Boy said, now bright red, as Terra said there, stunned. Bumblebee didn't wait for one, as she turned small and chased after Beast Boy, zapping him.

"AIYEEEEEEEEEEEEE! ES HORRIBLE!" Mas Y Menos screamed, as they threw their pictures on the ground. Pictures of Sophie, to be specific, as the girl turned even redder then Beast Boy before Robin, acting swiftly, picked them up and passed them to Scalpel.

"I believe these are for you, Nigel. Bit of a mixup." Robin said.

"Uh…thanks…but what did they say?" Scalpel growled.

"Um… 'My, she is a beautiful woman, but she does not belong to us, so we must depart with these pictures least they lead us to gratuitous bodily harm.'" Robin said.

"…They fit all that in three syllables?"

"…Yes?"

"Good." Scalpel said.

Aqualad stared, looking at his pictures…of Mas Y Menos.

"…Ok…I really hope this is an error…because otherwise someone has just made me feel REAL dirty…"

"I think so." Starfire said, as she showed her pictures of a bikinied Bumblebee. "Otherwise I believe that things between myself and Karen may get…what is your word…discommodious?"

"Yeah. Let's go with that." Cyborg said, as he held up his pictures of Terra. "Heh, Tara. I didn't know you cared."

Terra snatched the pictures away.

"Ok, this is clearly a case of everyone getting the wrong gifts." Robin said. "Now, are there any other…"

"HOLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Gauntlet screamed. "JACKPOT! MERRY CHRISTMAS WORLD! MERRY CHRISTMAS TOWER! MERRY CHRISTMAS JOSEPH NICEPHORE NIEPCE!"

"What the heck did you ge-HOLY GOD!" Speedy yelled. "YOU LUCKY BASTARD! OH CRAP!"

"What is all the yelling-OH JESUS!" Cyborg yelled, as he poked his head over the shoulders.

Robin finally got over to see what was going on.

"……………………….ROB! GIVE THOSE TO ME! RIGHT NOW!"

"No way! I got it for Christmas! Mine! Mineminemineminemine!" Gauntlet yelled, as he ran for it and Robin furiously chased him around, as Cyborg, Speedy, and eventually all the other Titan men followed, half to try and restrain Robin from killing Gauntlet and half to try and get another look at the pictures. Starfire stood there and tried to look innocent, and wondered if she could convince Raven or Savior to engage in some selective memory alteration…

"Hey!"

Beast Boy's voice stopped a few people…

As the balloon flew through the air, splattering all over its target.

"Yes! I finally got you Cyborg! Finally I got you with the balloon! True I didn't have any oil, but chocolate sauce works just as well, because you said you would never be caught off guard, but I talked Bumblebee out of killing me, and I knew I'd never have a better chance! My being turned brown is avenged! I win! I rule! I…" Beast Boy gloated, as he walked fully into the room…and found a grinning, ducking Cyborg.

"You missed." Cyborg said.

"…I missed? But then who did…" Beast Boy said, as his eyes panned over…to a stunned Savior, his face and head covered with chocolate sauce as it slowly dripped onto the floor.

Silence, during which Robin finally snatched Starfire's pictures away from Gauntlet, as Savior blinked a few times…and then reached up and wiped his face off.

"…Bah Humbug." He said, but without a trace of anger, and then he licked his fingers.

"…Oh well, I'll get that Noel!" Beast Boy said, and then turned into a dog and jumped on the teen.

"ARGH! DOG BREATH! NOT A GOOD WAY TO START THE MORNING! ARGH! AHHHHH!" Savior yelled, stumbling around, as the Titans laughed at the chaos…as the camera panned away from them, back through the roof and onward…

"Goodbye!" Dickens yelled, waving, along with Charlie, Prisionero, a floating typewriter, and a Hispanic girl.

"See you next year!" Charlie called, as the camera panned out to show the whole of Jump City on the glorious morning.

"…So tell me Charlie, you ever going to be able to write anything short again, ever?"

"…Oh, just SHUT UP."

**_THE END_**


End file.
